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Thread: Planet X

  1. #1
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Planet X

    Planet XThe last days of Gomorrah

    Fanatical cannibals,
    with biomechanical mandibles;
    Zion... overrun by tyrannical animals.

    Profit over philosophical logic,
    replacing prophets with narcotics,
    chocolate and nonsensical gossip.

    A nonculture of vultures,
    infrastructure ruptures -
    breaking out into ulcers.

    A cataclysm to wisdom;
    naturalism sold out to
    visions of nuclear fission

    The revolution WILL be computerized.

    Hackers and trackers,
    expose politicians and actors;

    comatose hippies and slackers…
    sit in war-room’ bedrooms,
    ready to cripple digital factions.

    Ports open, sores and e-wart corrosion...
    soaking
    into our mainframe; broken.

    A virus in our system,
    we talk, never listen;

    we live in our prisons,
    of thought without question.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  2. #2
    Cypher Alumni Sammy's Avatar
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    Re: Planet X

    Planet X – The last days of Gomorrah

    Fanatical cannibals,
    with biomechanical mandibles;
    Zion... overrun by tyrannical animals.
    lol...man i couldn't read that stanza without hearing canibus verse on this song..



    the rhyme pattern is definitely noticeable here. In a topical sense the word choices are a bit easy. However the imagery certainly stayed true to the ambiguous commentary i've come to admire about your work.

    Profit over philosophical logic,
    replacing prophets with narcotics,
    chocolate and nonsensical gossip.
    the profit/prophet homophone is a bit trite (especially for someone of your poetic range). this stanza seemed to attack the waning value of society.


    A nonculture of vultures,
    infrastructure ruptures -
    breaking out into ulcers.
    "a nonculture of vultures" ha, interesting turn of phrase there.

    A cataclysm to wisdom;
    naturalism sold out to
    visions of nuclear fission
    environmental awareness.

    The revolution WILL be computerized.
    another dope turn. i actually like this line a lot. strangely balancing the obvious with the oblivious. well placed humor also.

    Hackers and trackers,
    expose politicians and actors;
    way to kill two birds with one stone.

    comatose hippies and slackers…
    sit in war-room’ bedrooms,
    ready to cripple digital factions.
    were u alluding to the video game culture here?

    Ports open, sores and e-wart corrosion...
    soaking
    into our mainframe; broken.

    A virus in our system,
    we talk, never listen;
    oh love the over arching tech theme and the slick transition into physiological/psychological merit, using the word "virus".

    we live in our prisons,
    of thought without question.
    interesting conclusion. i somewhat disagree as society has become quite cynical. Perhaps you're referring to our evolving habits and pattern? If so, then i totally agree. Not necessarily an original topic, but i really appreciate your take on it. the creative flair implemented was a welcoming change of pace.

    P.S. Post more, mofo!

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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Martyring's Avatar
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    Re: Planet X

    Sick. I used 'prison of thought' or a derivative in that porn I posted easy incline awhile ago. I like the bit about replacing the prophets the most. Had a great rhythm to it.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Poem not porn lol. Spellcheck sold me out

  4. #4
    wyrdsmyth Karaoshi's Avatar
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    Re: Planet X

    Martyring holding out on us

    This was v good Poeta. Rhyme scheme was strong, and never let up or felt awkward, which happens a lot of times in posts I read here. Concept was good, and you didn't have any fluff, every word was on topic, on point. V good.

 

 

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