Ginger...

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Thread: Ginger...

  1. #1
    Triangle ⭐️ A Disciple's Avatar
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    Ginger...

    Every sign in life to know where to go
    Just waiting for the drop-down like the echelon show
    Canít wait to hear the story though
    My ghosts on the bottom row to make you pay more attention to what you never needed to know
    Belly down, they deal in the blind Fate like the pair of 7s You never wanted find
    maybe itís a steal but a definite split I guess like the 10s but why when a 20 always beats that hit
    Itís hard to pay attention to four decks at once
    against what someone needs versus what someone wants
    I told the dealer I retired and he laughed then I saw his face straighten trying to do the math

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    Not much new feed... ill post my links this weekend

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    That’s some great black jack advice too... that should count as link 1
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    Why does everyone think Iím a boy?

  2. #2
    Triangle ⭐️ A Disciple's Avatar
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    Why does everyone think Iím a boy?

  3. #3
    legendary. Celph Taut's Avatar
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    Re: Ginger...

    I liked the read the structure is too disjointed. I almost didn't wanna read it all for that very reason, but I forced myself to stop being a lazy fuck and read it all. Doesn't seem to have any particular subject, more like spur of the moment discussion of thoughts, placed together to make a piece, and I dig it because that's a substantial part of my writing nature. Overall, it's a short ass read that's definitely different from all of the pieces here in terms of theme. It's just... there... ironically not a bad thing, though. Keep it up.

    CypherAlumni

    Vincent | Sammy | Vallus | Dose Blotter | Onceawhile | Celph Taut

  4. #4

    Re: Ginger...

    i liked this theme, constructive criticism: add more descriptive visuals, describe the scene so i can imagine it ... for example, more of this: "I saw his face straighten trying to do the math"

  5. #5
    Triangle ⭐️ A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: Ginger...

    @Celph _taught thanks so much... my writing has been so scattered and it’s been lonely on open mic. It seemed to have died out for a minute... I appreciate the feed back and positivity as well as you @cz

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    PS can people actually check the feedback links before accusing people of not posting them... thanks

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    Maybe I should just feedback my own shit when no one else posts for my links??? I mean please advise, cause I’m confused

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    Link 2: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...-messin-around
    ~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..
    Why does everyone think Iím a boy?

  6. #6
    Triangle ⭐️ A Disciple's Avatar
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    ~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..
    Why does everyone think Iím a boy?

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