Passing Things

User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Passing Things

  1. #1
    The Wind Sings TheIllyricist's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Battle Record
    Awards PC HOF PS Season champ
    PS Season Champion
    PC HOF

    Passing Things

    The wise gardener tends to his garden;
    lush and green, ripe in seeded core,
    and sprouting within high walls
    built on homely comforts.

    Strange fog slithers from beyond,
    its smokey fingers cold and dead
    reaching forth a silent choke;
    no end, unknown dread.

    Gardener shivers, gardener trembles,
    where will roots breathe beneath this siege.

    A moment's quiet and he smiles,
    closed eyes relinquish misted lies;
    sun returns and so does warmth,
    open dawn, the fog is gone

    The wise gardener tends to his garden.
    “Those whom life does not cure death will. The world is quite ruthless in selecting between the dream and the reality, even where we will not. Between the wish and the thing the world lies waiting.”

  2. #2
    Cypher Alumni Sammy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Cambridge, MA
    Awards PC HOF
    Written of the Month
    PC HOF

    Re: Passing Things

    I really dig the way you anchor seasonal change with an emotional one. I remember writing a piece a while ago, it was a battle with my bro Self and you were the only one who caught on the juxtaposition of the piece. Now I can see why. You certainly have the ability to turn the mundane into multidimensional, complex experience. The fable of a farmer's plight with the season is, on the surface, a simple telling but the emotions anchored into each diction really turns the reader at an angle, allowing one to actualize the depth.

    Stanza 1. Key phrase is homely comfort. Great word selections. Words like lush and ripe connotes positive associations which works great with the calm placid surface of the piece.

    Stanza 2. Visually outstanding. Again great word choices that holds the appropriate sentiments. I suppose if I was to dig deep to find any semblance of "flaw" it would be the lack of a smooth (conceptually) transition between the dream scale of the first and the gothic pathos of the second. But honestly I'd have to reach to really point that out. It literally came to me after the 5th read. Imagery as potent and poignant as ever.

    Stanza 3. Great play on the senses. Shiver and tremble are interesting word choices as both describes the same thing. Most writer would risk redundancy, doing that, but yours seemed calculated; it worked somehow. It certainly expounded on the sensation of the character.

    Stanza 4. I felt this was the expositional stanza. My read tells me that this verse is a poking at the dichotomy of pessimism and optimism. I'm probably way off but that's what it felt like to me. The TRANCE-parency of perception seemed to be the crux of this piece. I'm a psych major and I've always felt the word "sleep" in and of itself is an anchor (something the subconscious mind responds well to in most cases aka ). Reminds of the Milton Model of "reframing". It might not mean much to u but it's a common practice in hypnotherapy. That stanza alone made this dope to me.

    Stanza 5. Nice callback. Dug the way the whole event was but a fleeting moment. Great job man!

    - - - Updated - - -

    I'm sure u didn't meant for this to be a metaphorical journey into the psychology of man (or did u? Ha) but the fact I got that out it really made it a dope read for me. Again, good stuff man.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! walkerblack's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Long Beach, CA
    Awards PC HOF
    PC HOF

    Re: Passing Things

    I enjoyed this piece a whole lot for its circular nature and because the demonstration of the gardener's wisdom. It's clear that the gardener (and yourself) understand the influence reflection has on anxiety as it begins to settle.

    Besides the concept itself, your word choice throughout the work presents familiar (yet original) mental images. What I appreciate the most is the contrast in diction between the (homely) luxuriant growth in the first stanza and the unfamiliar, ominous weather of the second stanza.

    I liked this a lot. Thank you
    greetings netizens

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts