I See Evil

[Fantasma]

The omen would roar as the priest opened the door,
a family broken and poor, weak, hopeless for more.
The demon smiled, hissed, a dark and vile prince,
possessing a child with beauty beyond any wild wish.
The priest blessed the room, to repress its gloom,
as he collects his muse, ready to inspect the doomed.

"By the power of the lord and our holy father,
I bless this water and bestow it upon his lonely daughter!
God, save this child from the pain in which she dwells,
and forgive this prince or send his spirit back to Hell!"

The prince swings his fists, throwing a bastardly fit,
a powerful fiend, "REPENT FOR YOUR DASTARDLY SINS!
The demon falls to both knees, screaming "NO, PRIEST!
What this little hoe needs is eternal damnation as her soul bleeds!"
Scurrying like a rat, the girl's family begins worrying about facts,
"how can you save her when her family is already turning their backs?"

"The power of Christ compels you! Embrace his almighty peace!
Please take a seat at his table where you're able to finally ease!
Shake off the darkness that binds you to the flames where you're chained!
Let the lord shower you with his love, he promises to cure the pain!"

The prince begins to shake, the girl's skin has changed,
and silence fills the house as everyone depends on faith.
She opens her eyes and cries, while her parents see cheer,
the priest sees the prince's grin so transparently clear.

[_Lyrics]

Hey fantasma. Please remember to leave feedback on two pieces and post your links!
This was a cool little exorcism piece. Ive seen the concept done a few times, I thought the flow was smooth and the story was easily imagined. I did feel like some of the wording was kind of well, dry to put it. I would've liked to read more descriptive layers to help deepen the imagination around this girl, it just felt a bit cliché like all the knock off exorcist esque movies that are straight to video lol. No hate

[walkerblack]

I liked this. The imagery was efficient and the language flowed well throughout most of the piece. Like Lyrics said up there, it's been done before, but then again I can't wonder an idea that hasn't been recycled. I appreciate the story aspect of the poem especially

Keep writing, yo

walker black

[Venom]

Firstly, good work and I felt like it was a refreshing piece to see in the open mic. The entire Steele was your own. I think it all came together well with the exception of a hiccup or two. The whole use of the word "hoe" in the piece cheapened it and it didn't fit.
Also your wording was off in a spot or two, like the whole "hopeless for more" part. Hopeless explains a lack of hope so hopeless for more doesn't make sense but it did complete the rhyme scheme. Overall I enjoyed it but would like to see a longer version.