easy incline

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  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Martyring's Avatar
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    easy incline

    his counterfeit weapons left sordid depressions
    in my chest cavity depravity of days Mays are
    always a ghost of hopeful renegades that laid
    on flannel blankets under lazy marble moon
    buffoons somewhere scratch heads until they bleed
    at the stolen lies they have left unconfessed
    forgot to be blessed by that golden crest
    of humanities best nomadic rest in centuries
    penitentiaries of thought that wrought
    despair in the lot of forests fraught with
    draught caught aflame by baby frames
    of fright fire cast asunder a blunder of taken
    time where is mine when I tempt
    those I ought not consider or remember
    but I cost a frost of crops each time I
    creep into the future of my lines trying
    to hypnotize frozen souls polls of limber
    minds the pines wave in their mines of
    gold that foretold the dismemberment
    of family calamity until eye saw peace
    in the forlorn eyes of dark clouds drifting
    alone above pastures of sheep ruminating
    on single rows of untilled earth rectangular
    prisms of squares unware of the perpendicular
    purpose of the electric fence that so often
    shocks my name in the heart of pain that
    remains so prominent in the monument of
    pity that I have watered with tears and
    shed light upon in stolen prophecy wind
    upon my spirit drenched back in the garden
    of art and informal conformity Normandy
    so stretched that the missals of the crystals
    that remain calm like stagnant waters
    dismissal of every healthy bristle of
    thistle Lilith where have you been hiding
    in the bleak woods of Asphodel
    behind thorny bushes that made you
    bleed free the need to conquer me
    in the sublimity of sleep I awoke
    and saw the smoke of your essence
    that caresses more intensely each
    time I am present and alive thriving
    for obscurity purity of tragedy and
    blooming opportunity where humanity
    shatters like stained glass in the cathedral
    of past generations stations of developed
    virtue scientifically proven to move them
    the masses such asses sometimes in some
    lines of people with pockets full of cash
    and acid waiting to unload the package
    that so easily attaches to the veins
    until it becomes your cane tour a sort
    of war birthing wounded worriers
    carrying navy bags with azure emblems
    pilgrims soon they will find
    the tomb of salvation faith
    dispels the wraith that craves
    your destruction don't call me
    crazy as I play back the tape
    that defines your silhouette
    on the dining room table that extends
    blends into the gluttonous gloom
    of worn out shoes that she just
    bought last month with dismaying
    fingers because she is without
    a home a loan of money she is
    denied capital crimes that mimes
    mime in the sordid streets
    of false alibies when will we
    love and weep among the dead
    dandelions that we gently
    blow into oblivion to peer into
    Eden we think in our own lives
    that we owe the landlords when
    they demand the rent of evil deeds
    that stampedes like mustangs over
    mavericks rolling down the dirt roads
    contemplating their business a miss
    among thieves fragmenting burnt
    orange leaves crunching under my
    feet another home exorcised of fighting
    for each their own beautiful home
    that doesn't mean nothing although
    they deem it something the gilded war
    the vicious store of hate that depletes
    the elite so full with sores that bore
    them so they medicate with an ill-chosen
    fate that creates paradoxes Pandora
    boxes that hide foxes clad with empirical
    doctrines that unwillingly deceive the devil
    himself as he fastens a noose around you
    the one who consents to the nonsense
    that makes scents non-existent makeshift
    dilapidated houses miles of walking without
    talking and now I'm miles away in silence
    the stalking blues that make me moan
    like a whore turning blue from the heroine
    that she played like a hand of cards folding
    with a hand full of diamonds because she
    was greedy with sustenance that combusted
    in her gnarled hands and I saw Rome in candles
    shooting fire across the land meditating
    the desert and drugs and how they go
    hand-in-hand everyday without stop
    does anybody comprehend the simplicity
    of the earthen floor of this mote that
    encompasses the castle and adjacent
    ruinous bridge made of straw where
    good men are made to crawl into ranting
    pubs of decadence feigned tides
    that disrupt the shore.

  2. #2
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: easy incline

    Bumping for feed


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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Conceptual's Avatar
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    Re: easy incline

    Lyrically this is aight, I can dig the long train of thought going on here. Tho did you expected readers to enjoy this to its final destination?
    I was onboard for the first 20 lines or so but then my brain started screaming in an unpleasant manner: PAUSE DAMNIT!
    I guess it happens when you keep pressing an unfocused story on and on and on and on.

    That doesn't mean the piece didn't have qualities, There's lot's of neat poetic phrases spread around, and I found your use of rhymes pretty charming - simple, consistent yet without overdoing it.

    I'm all for artistic freedom and all jazz that but I really wish you would have segmented this particular piece, for practical purposes at least . As it stands now it's a tempting yet unfortunately a chore to read.
    Keep posting tho, I bet peeps with extended attention span (or solid doses of various stimulants) may enjoy this more.

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! walkerblack's Avatar
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    Re: easy incline

    Quote Originally Posted by Conceptual View Post
    I was onboard for the first 20 lines or so but then my brain started screaming in an unpleasant manner: PAUSE DAMNIT!
    This was my issue too. I liked your word choice and the internal/end/beginning rhyme is pretty impressive. But that rhyme-scheme and free-verse nature of this piece strike me as more of a rap than a poem? Maybe they're the same thing, I don't know...

    Anyways this was a pretty cool read aside from how overbearing the presentation of your ideation felt.

    Thanks for sharing

    walker black
    greetings netizens

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Martyring's Avatar
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    Re: easy incline

    Thanks

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