disarmed darkness ft. emily

User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: disarmed darkness ft. emily

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Battle Record
    Awards PS Champion Haiku Champion OM HOF PC HOF SOTW
    OM HOF
    3x PC HOF
    10x SOTW
    Haiku Champion
    2x PS Champion

    disarmed darkness ft. emily

    I was a melting virgin,
    Responding to his tenderness.
    Licking written kisses,
    and breathing out warm air.
    With every loving letter,
    sweet wonderment stole,
    honeyed pain, filling my soul,
    bringing blood to me, a ghostly poet,
    I was…
    ...enchanted by the lyrics in his song.
    Gliding over melodious seas,
    he swayed with me.
    He bedazzled every dream.
    And seared my molten heart.

    she was
    built of wax.
    tepid at the core.
    melting from the breath
    of my lips.
    still I remain
    tender handed
    between her thighs.
    the heat from between
    thawing the heart
    of a nonbeliever.
    she painted hope
    on my pale face,
    even when the trail
    went silent,
    her whispers broke
    the glass of the window pane
    that I learned to
    pray from.

    Last edited by Emily; July 6th, 2017 at 08:56 PM

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Conceptual's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Awards OM HOF
    OM HOF

    Re: disarmed darkness ft. emily

    About time this got some food eh?

    Now I haven't been into traditional poems in ages, I prefer some kinda blend of
    straight keystyle with poetic undertones and devices.
    That's another story tho, just letting you know where my rather clumsy attemtp at poem
    intepretaion is coming from.

    At first glance, this has a energetic, passionate vibe to it. I do find some of the phrases used to
    here to serve as part characterisation and part sexual innuendo.
    The first lines sets the mood with some effective depictions of what may come
    off as yearning of some kind..

    sweet wonderment stole,
    honeyed pain, filling my soul


    Then the ghostly poet\enhanced by lyrics\melodious seas sets a more mysterious vibe.

    The second poem transitioned from the first with more of that erotic flavor.
    Build of wax\tepid at the core was pretty cool imagery right there.
    Tender handed between her thighs, resonate well with the melting virgin\tenderness
    theme from the first verse also.
    The rest was written tight, painted hope\pale face was another cool yearning reference.
    Last lines was nice but kinda lost on me.

    As far as poems collabs go, this was pretty tight. Your verses interwined well and
    your poetic formulations felt naturally in place. I did really not get the "disarmed darkness" meaning here.
    As said, I'm not that deep into standards poems so
    the big picture was probably lost on me. Tho poems can be, for good or worse, vague and wide
    open for different reading. Still, a tight drop no doubt.

  3. #3
    The Wind Sings TheIllyricist's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Battle Record
    Awards PC HOF PS Season champ
    PS Season Champion
    PC HOF

    Re: disarmed darkness ft. emily

    Alright, as a collab, you two fit within each other's respective styles quite nicely. This isn't something you get to see all the time. The beginning and the response. The disarmer of the darkness, and the darkness.


    sweet wonderment stole
    honeyed pain, filling my soul
    --- that is the highlight line from you. Wonderful rhyme and flow and visual essence. I feel the push and pull, the chemistry between two people/things, the sexual innuendo that breathes a sense of tension and release throughout the words. Searing a molten heart is intriguing imagery, searing something that is already hot to begin with, I'm wondering at the implications.


    You follow through with that same tension and eroticism. Seriously you two, get a room. Freaks. Nah, lol, this was more of what I expect from you Juke. That short line stop and go flow, a hard hitting rhythm, and the sense of her bringing belief to the darkness was a flavor I enjoyed. Of course I wonder who is the non-believer in the scenario from the window pane line. I simply look at it as you or the POV of your verse. She has shattered your ideas of belief, the place you learned to worship, changed your perspective of the stereotype style of traditional church worship.

    Just like Conceptual, I'm not sure of the bigger picture here. Perhaps it's two people learning from each other. Darkness being disarmed by faith and light. She's enchanted by his song, a song of what I'm not sure. The tenderness of him, the honeyed pain... his pain, or her pain, or both? I almost seeing this playing out both ways. A sensual dance of healing that disarms them both.

    You two write well together. Solid drop.
    “Those whom life does not cure death will. The world is quite ruthless in selecting between the dream and the reality, even where we will not. Between the wish and the thing the world lies waiting.”

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts