individualvidication

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Thread: individualvidication

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! walkerblack's Avatar
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    individualvidication

    I give her wood

    To fuel the fire of desire,
    I challenge her lust with my ire

    We all have our reasons

    When I'd see your silhouette
    Formed by smoke from cigarette
    I stopped smoking, & turned to sex

    Anatomy is a puzzle
    When her piece first met penis
    Her "to be" felt completed

    We all have our reasons
    greetings netizens

  2. #2
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: individualvidication

    Bumping for feed


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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Conceptual's Avatar
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    Re: individualvidication

    Well this poem was pretty forthright, "give her wood to fuel the fire of desire" - for realz bro?
    I bet you can make a killer pickup line from this.

    When I'd see your silhouette
    Formed by smoke from cigarette
    I stopped smoking, & turned to sex


    The imagery, tho still pretty blatant, is working better here.


    Anatomy is a puzzle
    When her piece first met penis
    Her "to be" felt completed


    This is just vulgar, in a good way tho.

    We all have our reasons

    And your reason is just to fuck with the reader, right?

    Anyways, howver indelicate this poem is, it has entertainment value for several reasons.
    A fun little read indeed, keep posting, stay unashamed.

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! walkerblack's Avatar
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    Re: individualvidication

    Quote Originally Posted by Conceptual View Post
    Well this poem was pretty forthright, "give her wood to fuel the fire of desire" - for realz bro?
    I bet you can make a killer pickup line from this.
    Probably

    Quote Originally Posted by Conceptual View Post
    The imagery, tho still pretty blatant, is working better here.
    Appreciate the approval

    Quote Originally Posted by Conceptual View Post
    This is just vulgar, in a good way tho.
    Thank you sir

    Quote Originally Posted by Conceptual View Post
    And your reason is just to fuck with the reader, right?
    erm, nope ..
    greetings netizens

  5. #5
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: individualvidication

    As always, real nice man. Personally, I feel it would have more of an impact as a spoken word piece and seriously think you should develop the piece further with that direction in mind, (if it wasn't there already that is) but as a written it still manages to engage the reader and invite them into the smooth tonality and rhythm of the poem.

    There's a big difference between something being simple and it being simplistic. This, is beautifully delivered in a simplistic, almost stripped back way that though at times teeters on cliche themes such as the opener of feeding wood to fuel the fire/desire scheme not once over steps the mark with unnecessary over-dramatisation which again made me feel the at ease the whole way through as it felt organic.

    You have a very natural way with words and an understanding of how to change gears with your rhyme schemes.

    Nice, very nice.
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

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