The Sword

[TheIllyricist]

Wretched and cold, twisted by the maker's hands
and bent toward a path of pointed fury
soaked in the life of thine enemies.

Feared and cursed, spat on by naivety
and the soft words of children;

The harbinger of end, the singer of graves,
but there can be no song
without the poet

can there be life

without blood

[Poeta Demonio]

The structure of the poem kind of threw me off a little at first. I feel grammatically it read weird at times. That aside, the content is delicious! The first line is beautifully written; personifying the blade whilst retaining its cold inanimate exterior is a very clever. I feel adding 'and' in a few places is unnecessary, and actually detracts from the flow of the piece. 'bent towards a path' would have been better I feel and in the second instance with the children line. 'The singer of graves' is a weird and wonderful image! My favorite of the poem in fact. It both drives home that notion of the object being an extension of evil and just sounds really nice when read out loud. Overall nice piece!

[Emily]

Illy, so glad you're back and writing.

Wretched and cold, twisted by the maker's hands
and bent toward a path of pointed fury
soaked in the life of thine enemies.

Wow. A lot of strength in these words. Powerful imagery that has an old fashioned English touch
and essence of years gone by seeps into it's pores.
I see an angry soul, who's hell bent on revenge. You have a lot of good words in that intro Illy.
The words that start this off invite the reader into your curious world. They're good words.
Filled with pictures that come to life. The only word I'm not used to is thine.
You just don't hear it unless someone of yesteryear lol like yourself uses it and brings back the past
to haunt my today. You do 'sepia atmosphere' well.


Feared and cursed, spat on by naivety
and the soft words of children;

It's a delicate little verse but a strong one.
Ever seen the movie 'Perfume'? Or read the book.
Probably the only movie that's just as good as the book.
Right up your alley I think. To a T. This character reminds me a little of the main character in that story.




The harbinger of end, the singer of graves,
but there can be no song
without the poet

Oh that's lovely. So many good words. 'The singer of graves'....'but there can be no song without the poet'.
Funny how when I read your work, a certain silence lingers after the sentences. Odd. But real.
It's a good thing. Your words hold on to pictures in my mind. The pictures that you painted.
They still hang. Suspended. Almost eerie. But very interesting and fresh when explored.

can there be life

without blood

Brilliant outro.
I adore it. The pace.....the meaning.....the endless possibilities.....the reality...your poetic touch.
It's really good Illy.
Really good.
It's been a while.
Stick around.
Looking forward to reading more of you again.

Great Read

Thank you.

[Jukon]

You do the short, free flowing style very well. You also do existentialism very well, each stanza or couplet or whatever lol, they were all perfect. Old age language and tone, but new age style, does that make sense? Lol

As far as the overall concept or direction of the piece, the best thing is that it's extremely open to interpretation. But you wrote it to where every person who reads it can relate to it. And I appreciate that a lot.

I'm glad I read this, great piece illy.

[143]

Illyricist-San,,,, lol

Classic, historical feel to this. Almost like this could be words of Sun Tzu or Oba Nabunaga to a young soldier. The way that it's written to be as melodic as it is grim bodes well as this can be easily remembered. Adding that most of the poem here is about the sword, it has nothing to do with crafting and damage it can do but the person who wield this instrument further shows the ability show layers in this. Nice write....

[Sammy]

man the commentary here was scathing but wrapped in great poetics. clever way to express your belief, bro.

Wretched and cold, twisted by the maker's hands
and bent toward a path of pointed fury
soaked in the life of thine enemies

the content of the blade worked perfectly with the personification approach. the old english diction certain painted a picture of medieval time. way to paint a picture using literary nuance.

Feared and cursed, spat on by naivety
and the soft words of children;

this was the light bulb that went off as i was searching for the underlying comment of the piece. More on that later.

The harbinger of end, the singer of graves,
but there can be no song
without the poet

this stanza reinforced the previous one with existential argument that are often the backbone for those on the side of the 2nd amendment.

can there be life

without blood

noted.


ok, so i think the "right to bear arms" argument was well presented here. YOu kept it to the point and the dictions were not as airy as what im used to but you can't say there were any words wasted. I believe in gun rights but i also believe in responsibility as a gun owner so i support the stance. the soft word of children was an obvious shot at the sjw that often voice their concern on the matter, i believe. I thought that moment was a bit too direct for me, like the word "children" was too concrete a word to describe an abstract emotion like the lack of integrity, iyo. Of course the association in context to the piece is appropriate but with ur type of adjective slection skills, i felt there were better word choices out there, u know?

overall this was a very potent piece. the ending two singled line stanzas really exemplifies the historical dilemma and natural two-steps of progress (revolution) - death/birth or rather, "Necessary is a product of necessity". this is why we need you back, bro. well done.