Truth Iscariot - Jazzy Belle
Register

User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    SirVent
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Age
    28
    Posts
    7,774
    Battle Record
    13-2
    Awards PS Champion Haiku Champion OM HOF PC HOF SOTW

    Truth Iscariot - Jazzy Belle

    Jazzy Belle

    The jazz hit my soul
    Spotting me cowering from the size of the sound
    And devoured me hole
    For hours I'd hold my glass stirring spirits to sounds of clinking ice
    Enticed by the dim lights romancing my eyes, the scent of lies, and the smooth drinks
    The sultress gracing the stage swoons - Her voice and my ears collide
    She has made love to my mind I could see her if I were blind
    The way her vocals enraptures my thoughts
    I play the drunken fool or a Fox in a trap
    Unbewittingly this forest will be my doom
    "One more Crown on the rocks"
    It's false hope that I've bought
    Into Hell's Harbor I docked

    She left the stage in rambles
    It quaked with each step away from the mic
    I followed into the darkness
    Like a moth drawn to a light

    Earning my way backstage with bribes
    I conned my way inside her dressing room
    She sat entombed in the triump of her performanced
    A playful demeanor beseeched from me flirtation
    I could tell the toll of her callers had been many
    I simply couldn't break from my fate of infatuation
    The tides of time and space fought against my sake
    And she said yes to dinner, didn't change her dress
    We entered a near by mom and pop
    Her attire rendered desire. I swear they stared as if their hear stopped
    She mopped the floor with all who had come before

    I paid the bill after an hour - conversation never soured
    She gave all the rights answers to prove her suspicions I was a coward
    Who couldn't counter desire or say what I was after
    She blurt it out with vulgarity once our feet hit the street of this broken city
    The state of outward disfunction mangled something in me
    I screamed "YES!" Back at her
    She erupted in laughter and we kissed
    It began to rain right as I threw her on my bed
    Wet was the bliss - again and again
    Satisfaction captioned by hopes the night would never end
    But it did

    I awoke for slumber wondering if these pleasures had been a dream
    Had I drank a bit to much and staggered home only to cling to fantasies in my sleep

    The truth confirmed in note
    She had left before dawn or so she wrote

    "I snuck out after bearing witness to your sin
    You see I am the embodiment of the weakness held within
    I am the original temptress - Queen of these instances
    Where a man cannot overcome his love of liquor and women
    I will stand laughing once Life diminishes

    See the deeds done after dusk - the lust you've exhibited
    Has forever tainted your soul - your entrance to heaven is prohibited
    You will burn eternally in the fires of Hell
    Thanks for the fun, I wish you the best until death

    - Jazzy Belle (Jezebel)"

  2. #2
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    11,111
    Streak
    1
    Battle Record
    18-1
    Awards OM HOF PS Champion PS HOF PS Season champ Legendary PC PC HOF

    Re: Truth Iscariot - Jazzy Belle

    Vote - yes.

    I wasn't amazingly fond of the end stanza, and I thought some of the line spacing could have been better presented, but it didn't detract from the overall read. Some of lines were pure fire... Like 'cowering from the size of the sound' is such a dope perspective switch from the archetypal way of describing sound. 'She left the stage in rambles' I just love the way that strikes such a vivid image with very little description given. There are some real moments of mastery in this piece, and others that need to be worked on, but overall believe it deserves to be a HoF
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  3. #3
    Landed Emily's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    5,484
    Battle Record
    2-2
    Awards MOTM PC HOF

    Re: Truth Iscariot - Jazzy Belle

    Yes. Interesting piece that kept the entertainment value alive.
    Loved the wording because it shot amazing imagery to the reader.

    Good stuff.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


 

 

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •