The Sentient House

[Sammy]

"The Sentient House"


Every house has ghosts. You know that, right?

You know, that feeling you get, like you've seen it before
Perhaps a phantom behind the screen of the door,
creaking of floors;
It might not scream out loud - but u feel it, I'm sure
The bedroom closet.
Midnight marauding;
room dabbed in darkest decor
Squeaking hardwood inching closer,
as you try to ignore it...
But rather a faint: “Jesus, no unc...”
praying silently - cause you've seen it before
You've felt it on more - than one occasion
Despite the years, it lives on
Vivid. Crystal clear.
It touched your hair in the dark.
Started at the foot of the bed,
While dad’s away at his job
Feral fingers perused a leg,
But you're too scared. You conformed.
Malicious malodor mixed with summer’s scalding rapport
vintage flower field
- ravaged by a freak summer storm
You smelled the breath.
Prayed to God.
Hope it's brief “Just be strong”
biting the sheets; a silent plea…”oh please...help me, dear god”
See, it would warn: “If you tell,
you’ll break our family apart”
And the stench is still strong.
Memory creates ghosts; it won't leave until morning
So you avoid sleep -
‘Cause you still hear the voice in the corner…

Uncle Lloyd was always sick
He had ghosts of his own
Divorced. Alone. No job. Financial issues. Broken home.
At night, he’d hide in my closet;
A game we would play…
Its been years since his death, but…
He’s still with me to this day


*im not in no way, shape or fashion trying to glorify the subject matter at hand. The objective was to use the horror/supernatural tone as a metaphor for the trauma often associated with that issue*

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...94074-INFINITE
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...alactic-Legacy

[SELF ACTIVATE]

I've been posting on rap forums for a good minute now. Throughout my years there have been a few topics that are always constant. For whatever reason pedophilia seems to be one of them. But with it being such a taboo topic in everyday life and possessing such sensitive subject-matter any writer that chooses to examine the content has to be very delicate in their approach, for obvious reasons. With that said I think what you have here is a severely unfortunate and truly haunting depiction of the human experience. I've read a lot of topicals and poems that have explored this idea, but never one quite like this. The way you likened the situation to being similar to living in a haunted house is brilliant. In the mind of the victim it must be terrifying to be left alone in the home in the stillness of night. The floors creak, the doors make noises as the wind blows, and every bump in the dark a spooky reminder of the ghost that comes to haunt you nightly. And like a supernatural event it's something kept secret. One can only imagine the post traumatic effect that is forever imprint on the mind of person that has suffered through such a circumstance. Psychologically I think when things like that happen (especially at so young of an age) and is suppressed, never talked about or properly dealt with, the human brain tries to rationalize it in the best way it knows how, and that is by comparing it to something else that invokes a similar emotional response. In this case it would be horror, shock, and frightfulness. Not unlike when a child watches a scary movie before bed and then suddenly starts to hear monsters under the bed or ghost in the closet. In any case, I thought you did a great job contrasting the two realities and perspectives. It was an interesting and creative take on the topic that was handled with care and written with an air of authenticity.

[center]The verse...]/center]

Firstly, I'd like to say the picture is perfect given the topic and I could spend a good minute anylzing it's relevance if I wanted to. But in the interest of keeping it brief. I'll just reiterate how perfect of a choice it was and I dig how as a visual it aids in setting the tone and creating the atmosphere for the entire read.

Secondly, the title seems really appropriate and much like the picture it contributes to the overarching theme. Good stuff. It's the tiny, seemingly unimportant details that added flesh to the text, so to speak. Moving along ...

Every house has ghosts. You know that, right?

I love how you open this verse up. It's asking a question, but also telling us this isn't a matter of personal opinion. Instead, welcome to my reality. Enter the haunted house where (metaphorically speaking) ghost aren't something to believe in, they are, instead, something real rather you believe in them or not.

You know, that feeling you get, like you've seen it before
Perhaps a phantom behind the screen of the door,
creaking of floors;
It might not scream out loud - but u feel it, I'm sure
The bedroom closet.
Midnight marauding;
room dabbed in darkest decor

Your attention to detail is impressive: screen door, creaking floor, darkest decore. All of those things conjure up images of an old country home. Like the type that seem to be very nice in the daytime, but become incredibly spooky at night. I think we've all seen dozens of movies with a similar depiction as to what you wrote, so creating a mental picture is an effortless task. We have all also been at home late at night and heard those bumps and creaks in the dark that made us nervous and wonder if there was some uninvited person there with us. So again it's pretty easy for us (at least for me it is) to transport ourselves into the scene, you so expertly crafted, and the state of mind you lured us into.

Squeaking hardwood inching closer,
as you try to ignore it...
But rather a faint: “Jesus, no unc...”
praying silently - cause you've seen it before
You've felt it on more - than one occasion
Despite the years, it lives on
Vivid. Crystal clear.
It touched your hair in the dark.
Started at the foot of the bed,
While dad’s away at his job
Feral fingers perused a leg,
But you're too scared. You conformed.
Malicious malodor mixed with summer’s scalding rapport
vintage flower field
- ravaged by a freak summer storm

You're wording is dope, Sam. Not a single letter wasted. Every word contributes something to bringing the narrative to life. It's really skillfull how you manage to do that so naturally. Your wordsmithing precision is a thing to behold. Also, I found the way in which you structured you rhyme scheme and your textual lay out to be instrumental in creating a very melodic flow. It's water. It's not hellbent on multis and what not, but it's clean, clear, and fluid. As for you imagery ... well ... what can I say? You brought me there, reel-by-reel.

You smelled the breath.
Prayed to God.
Hope it's brief “Just be strong”
biting the sheets; a silent plea…”oh please...help me, dear god”
See, it would warn: “If you tell,
you’ll break our family apart”
And the stench is still strong.
Memory creates ghosts; it won't leave until morning
So you avoid sleep -
‘Cause you still hear the voice in the corner…

Uncle Lloyd was always sick
He had ghosts of his own
Divorced. Alone. No job. Financial issues. Broken home.
At night, he’d hide in my closet;
A game we would play…
Its been years since his death, but…
He’s still with me to this day

Again, the attention to detail is impeccable: the smell of his breath, biting the sheets, the usage of the word stench. Just damn good writing, fam. Another thing worth mentioning is how you left no stone left unturned. The passage dedicated to telling the brief history Uncle Lloyd gives us a glimpse into the mind of the predator and why he is the way he is. That tiny condensed section of lines says so much in so little words. It also makes the entire piece feel complete. In any case, I like how the ghost in this tragic tale turns out to be the ever haunting memory of sick ol' Uncle Lloyd.


This was a very well executed piece my brother. It was also a dope display of superior technique. Extremely impressive stuff. I envy your unique ability to craft entire worlds and write entire novels in the tiny confines of a standard topical verse. Gifted. Peace...

[Sammy]

@SELF ACTIVATE

Ur a legend my friend. Much appreciate the kind words, especially from someone of ur caliber.

[Stranger]

You know, that feeling you get, like you've seen it before
Perhaps a phantom behind the screen of the door,
creaking of floors;
It might not scream out loud - but u feel it, I'm sure

I liked this beginning here, the multies and internal rhymes are cool, this flowed smooth to me, I like how seen it before/screen of the door flowed, good job with this part.

The bedroom closet.
Midnight marauding;
room dabbed in darkest decor
Squeaking hardwood inching closer,
as you try to ignore it...
But rather a faint: “Jesus, no unc...”
praying silently - cause you've seen it before

cool imagery here, squeeking hardwood inching closer, sounds like a haunting of some sorts, its some pretty cool imagery here, praying silently cause you seen it before, still going with that theme, like to see you stay relevent with the topic.

You've felt it on more - than one occasion
Despite the years, it lives on
Vivid. Crystal clear.
It touched your hair in the dark.
Started at the foot of the bed,
While dad’s away at his job

I liked the while dads away at his job, you're not relying on rhyme schemes not, swhitch up and a good pattern interupt here, I'm feeling that.

Feral fingers perused a leg,
But you're too scared. You conformed.
Malicious malodor mixed with summer’s scalding rapport
vintage flower field
- ravaged by a freak summer storm

shesh, this flowed like a fucking water faucet, I liked how smooth it was here, you went from a pattern interupt to snappy rhyme scheme with in a quantraint, dope.

You smelled the breath.
Prayed to God.
Hope it's brief “Just be strong”
biting the sheets; a silent plea…”oh please...help me, dear god”
See, it would warn: “If you tell,
you’ll break our family apart”
And the stench is still strong.
Memory creates ghosts; it won't leave until morning
So you avoid sleep -
‘Cause you still hear the voice in the corner…

feeling this too, I mean I get that memory creates ghost, but ghost exist only in your dreams, so your dreams create ghost to, this was a cool little spin off here, going to other places.

Uncle Lloyd was always sick
He had ghosts of his own
Divorced. Alone. No job. Financial issues. Broken home.
At night, he’d hide in my closet;
A game we would play…
Its been years since his death, but…
He’s still with me to this day

AND you went darker, I can relate to this, this was pretty emotional ending here, "he's still with me to this day" almost teared up, LOL this ending was abrubtly emotional as hell though, like a cliffhanger

Overall pretty cool drop here, some nice pattern interupts, and a drop that makes you think, a good example of why you don't need to rely on rhyme schemes, emotional ending and wasn't expecting that, but I guess it goes with the overall theme, it was a cool topic here only wish it was longer, thats my only complaint.

[_Lyrics]

Hey sammy! I thought your imagery flowed pretty well with the metaphor you were going for. there were also some interesting sets of wordchoices that shined in there, particularly the malicious malador- scalding rapport line. The flow was definitely different, the short bars has a more poetic pace to them. I felt like your progression definitely started out very menacing and it was easy to see the underlying dark vibes that were just as sick and twisted, even more given a supernatural twist to it, even though the idea of it just being the trauma associated with the past and how it can manifest itself is a very real world spin on things and made it pretty psychological as well. anyways the pic was a good choice and the subject matter was very well thought out. Thanks for the read!