Freedomination

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Thread: Freedomination

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! ExPoeta's Avatar
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    Freedomination

    Freedomination

    Directions to all free thinkers:

    Outspoken critics of this digital diaspora,
    Are to be humanely neutralised.
    Upon encountering mild resistance,
    One should reprogram the subject.
    Restoring the unit to an optimal state
    Of communal functionality.
    This, is by order of order.

    At liberty to commandeer.
    Black, or white.
    Blues are off-limits;
    Besides, #wegotapillforthat (Copyright)

    Binary ports;
    Greet cargo ships
    Uploading pre-packaged thoughts.
    Docile commuters,
    Trained to sink and report.

    We, prophetic lambs of disarray;
    Co-sign predetermined slaughter.
    Tick-tock,
    Time stops.
    No reproach. No quarter.

    Job A, or job B.
    Opportunities? Kid, they’re immeasurable.
    Work for me, maybe free?
    Your CV will be favorable.


    - - - Updated - - -

    By the way, CV is what we call a resume in England.

  2. #2
    Cypher Alumni Sammy's Avatar
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    Re: Freedomination

    Outspoken critics of this digital diaspora,
    Are to be humanely neutralised.
    Upon encountering mild resistance,
    One should reprogram the subject.
    Restoring the unit to an optimal state
    Of communal functionality.
    This, is by order of order.
    Reminds me of blade runner. great opening stanza; good job establishing theme and tone.

    At liberty to commandeer.
    Black, or white.
    Blues are off-limits;
    Besides, #wegotapillforthat (Copyright)
    the color theme alluded me a bit. racial commentary? Blues' could've been a reference to psychological disorder, i think. if so, then that "we got pill for hat" was clever.

    Binary ports;
    Greet cargo ships
    Uploading pre-packaged thoughts.
    Docile commuters,
    Trained to sink and report.
    great imagery. i see a dock full of robots and a case of microchips lol. the subordination theme was well presented in this stanza also.

    We, prophetic lambs of disarray;
    Co-sign predetermined slaughter.
    Tick-tock,
    Time stops.
    No reproach. No quarter.
    dope! fav stanza here.

    job A, or job B.
    Opportunities? Kid, they’re immeasurable.
    Work for me, maybe free?
    Your CV will be favorable.
    cool closer..

    so this could've been a commentary on many things. society, religion, politics. i felt the crux of this piece was identity, or rather, the lost of it. The whole robot metaphor was a nice, albeit common, way of relaying that message. Overall this is a great piece that should really be getting more feedback. sorry i did peep it sooner, i would def nom it for march.

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  3. #3
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: Freedomination

    Thank you Though there are no robots. It's a representation of a dystopian society, that's really an exaggerated version of our current society haha But poetry has a different meaning for everyone. Death of the author
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  4. #4
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: Freedomination

    Directions to all free thinkers: Love the title. It really draws me in.

    Outspoken critics of this digital diaspora,
    Are to be humanely neutralised. Oh this is so good. These two intro lines are so good. The harshness of metallic reasoning sucks me into a digital age where I'm expected to be micro chipped by your outro.
    Upon encountering mild resistance,
    One should reprogram the subject. lol. Yes, I agree. One should. Love that dictatorship mentality where '...One should...' do what is needed to advance science and our own private governmental agenda.
    Restoring the unit to an optimal state
    Of communal functionality.
    This, is by order of order. Lol. So bloody good. '...by order of order...' LOVE IT. Who's order? The governments order.

    At liberty to commandeer.
    Black, or white. This holds a whole stack of references. Could be skin. Could be objective. Could be mood. Could be a metaphor for so many things.
    Blues are off-limits; And of course we have to be aware to not include certain things. Our way or the highway. Blue is another metaphor that could work all sorts of ways. Could be political, could be depression, could be aliens...could be. Or it could just be anything that just doesn't conform to our 'black and white' agenda.
    Besides, #wegotapillforthat (Copyright) Beautiful. Line of the year. Love it. Never yesterday. Always today. Fresh, alive and breathing.

    Binary ports;
    Greet cargo ships
    Uploading pre-packaged thoughts. Love the way you think. Love the way you write.
    Docile commuters,
    Trained to sink and report. Oh this is so good. So different to what I expected. Such a slap in the face to the regular citizen, but no shocker where
    political agenda's are concerned. Conspiracy theories come to mind. Hidden agenda's having the veil lifted and the public are now supposed to swallow it
    and shut the hell up. Great wording.


    We, prophetic lambs of disarray; Oh I'm in love.
    Co-sign predetermined slaughter. Brilliant.
    Tick-tock,
    Time stops.
    No reproach. No quarter. No negotiation. No conversation. No freedom.

    Job A, or job B. Bet people don't even have names in this organisation. More likely they're known as numbers.
    Opportunities? Kid, they’re immeasurable. LOL .....as if! Love the irony. Love the lies.
    Work for me, maybe free? There we go. Stunning honesty coming to life here.
    Your CV will be favorable. Of course it will be. Top of the list.



    Poeta Demonio, you've come to the party with the best gifts here. I love what you wrote. I love not only the imagery your work gave me but
    also the stale taste of what's to come. The bland nature of future transgenetic modification in humans. The fact that the element of emotion is taken out of the equation and replaced by serial numbers and bits of steel and bolts and lets not forget, the data backing up everyone's movements and thoughts.
    I got all these pictures from your piece. All these pictures, and more.

    Wonderful work.
    Loved it.


    Thank you.


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  5. #5
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Re: Freedomination

    I dig the social commentary; I suppose one could see this as a critique of capital, technology, and the average comings and goings of western society built up on economics, essentially losing it's soul to modern "progress." Anywho....

    This would be a part poem to pull off if only because it doesnt allow for the fluffy shit RB loves. You have to be tangible and consistent with the ideas you're using, and I think you did that well. The images reflect the larger points constantly, and I think fit the commentary you're after just by their use. The word choice, I think, it quite good if only because of the difficulty noted above, which makes your voice that much more interesting as well. Again, the tone matches the subject. I love the snark. Especially the curriculum vitae (which is a normal thing in the US as well).

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! walkerblack's Avatar
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    Re: Freedomination

    This reminded me of Brave New World. The dystopian genre is always a fascinating one because it seems we are right on its doorstep with the growing increase in the way technology affects us and the way we think. I appreciate this work a ton because the tonality is satirical rather than depressed. I also respect the hell out of the way you can guide your reader and the way they read your work. The opening stanza was my favorite by far simply because it all flows so well. I suppose I have the same compliment for you that you've given to me, that you have a real ability to understand how language flows and therefore how to control it (language) along with an audience.

    This was real cool

    Thanks
    greetings netizens

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