User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: lovely

  1. #1
    Better. Kuhn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Age
    35
    Posts
    9,924
    Awards PS HOF OM HOF

    lovely

    Understand that as a man
    i have a hard time handling my emotions,
    whether its with devotion
    or over the notion
    that i may have to do somethin for myself.
    I mean hell,
    I've tried to help everybody surroundin me,
    but the stress is drownin me
    to the point of exhaustion.
    I've exhausted my resources mentally
    but physically
    I've never been stronger,
    so the longer i push
    the stronger i feel
    but less i think
    about how im feeling.
    My feelings are on the back burner
    which is ironic
    Because my back's burnin
    carryin the world on my shoulders.
    Now im only 28 but feel older
    considering the fact I've lived my life
    for everybody
    except myself.
    Like ive been reincarnated each time
    i focus on a new friend or family.
    So understand me
    when i say i dont doubt my abilities
    to help myself,
    honestly my ability to help
    is what has kept me going
    even if its been through hell.
    I'll never turn back after wat ive pushed through,
    i just wonder if anybody would deny wat i could do
    if they could only see wat i WOULD do
    for love.
    I.P.

  2. #2

    Re: lovely

    My feelings are on the back burner
    which is ironic
    Because my back's burnin
    carryin the world on my shoulders.

    I'll never turn back after wat ive pushed through,
    i just wonder if anybody would deny wat i could do


    ^^^^ My favorites from the piece. Although not a fan of the format, I felt this because I can relate to it on many levels. The whole helping people/world on my shoulders thing. I hope that whatever it is you're working through in your life was eased a little by writing this piece. Good work
    Best Rookie of Season 13 - Poet's Society

  3. #3
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    10,266
    Battle Record
    26-9
    Awards PS Champion/IE Champion PC HOF PS HOF PS Season champ OM HOF Legendary PC

    Re: lovely

    There are some lines in here and show the heart of this piece's artistic expression, and perhaps also reveal the true personal experience behind writing this. The "back burning" line as well as the littering of rhyme were the highlights. If ever you return to this piece, I'd consider focus less on telling a precise story, and zero in on expanding the central focus with images that slowly unravel and reveal. It's easy to kind of explain rather than paint a picture, which is essentially what poetry is trying to do. Keep at it.

  4. #4
    Landed Emily's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    4,492
    Battle Record
    2-2
    Awards MOTM PC HOF

    Re: lovely

    do you have that feed I inboxed you?
    id paste it here if i had it.
    if you've got it dayday, send it to me please : )


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •