Enoch Light - A song for you (1) - NO

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Thread: Enoch Light - A song for you (1) - NO

  1. #1
    SirVent
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    Enoch Light - A song for you (1) - NO

    hello

    thatís all I can muster to say
    socializing is a game im often too flustered to play
    its no wonder my times spent scraping through days
    seconds, weeks, years just went fading away
    so I parade my apathy just to see what they say
    actually made peace, gift wrapped it and gave it away
    pray to false idols. get drunk. hey man, Iím just saving the day
    motionless. residual life stuck in constant replay
    everythingís nonsense. or either im lost in a way
    so if you can steer me out of here, I promise ill pay
    once I motivate myself to find work and get paid
    ill certainly try, maybe, but why work for a wage?
    why live? why die? I question why I was made
    God broke the mold making me while I was breaking an egg
    dirty dishes in the sink, god, I gotta get laid
    fuck it. . im afraid Iíll end up doing what I usually say
    maybe write a song, a verse, or draw a line on a page
    then post it online to show what ive accomplished today
    so here it is . .

    a song about nothing, lame, and obviously vague

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_zBqxgfZayu...king-a-bow.jpg

    thank you

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Re: Enoch Light - A song for you (1)

    if im honest with myself, and everyone on the panel. .

    this verse is not HOF worthy

    it was a fun concept and a fun little scribe, but thats all it should be credited for. It does not meet the standards of what a HOF verse should be.
    Last edited by Enoch Light; August 2nd, 2016 at 02:47 PM
    #lifeafterrapbattles

  3. #3
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: Enoch Light - A song for you (1)

    I have to agree with Enoch. Well said. But its bloody good though lol.
    I like it. It's got a lot going for it. It's short and sweet in melody, but I'd want more core, for hof.
    Good stuff though Enoch.

    v - no


    That last line, mind you, was brilliant. And then add the picture lol mixed with the 'thank you' at the end, perfect.
    Love that attitude that shows through.
    Last edited by Emily; August 7th, 2016 at 07:56 AM

  4. #4
    Reload KnowP's Avatar
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    Re: Enoch Light - A song for you (1)

    two no's on a good piece from great writers....

    closed

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