Love's Blind

[BG513]

we once were inseparable, pulled magnetic,
souls angelic, dancing kinetic-pantomime
true love which authentic and divine.
if I could turn back the hands of time
to when our eyes met so naturally
and our minds clicked so casually
before we put an end to better days
and then we went our separate ways
---------------------------------
both joined in new relationships
which only formed into acquaintances
though we weren't together physically
we would bond forever mentally
---------------------------------
---------------------------------
---------------------------------
because eventually we'd gotten back together
agreeing that our love should last forever
---------------------------------
---------------------------------
but then our glare was unfamiliar
and the love we had become bewildered
though our hearts were still connected
they certainly were affected
Our separation caused much damage
but our dedication never vanished
still, holdin-on's a daunting challenge
the mental ravage; hard to manage.
---------------------------------
---------------------------------
no way we can just, erase all the pain!.
that's like tryin to rekindle, flames in the rain.
but sometimes, rain stops, then, it's sunshine
that brief moment, we ease up, and unwind.
and those are the moments that we grasp
lending strength to the future from the past
---------------------------------
---------------------------------
Like God's love, I love her unconditional
my best friend, yet a stranger, it's inexplicable
---------------------------------
so even after what we've seen in our rough times
our hearts only feel love, forever sublime

simply because .................. Love's Blind






true story

[Nohbody]

thread unlocked

thank you @B5G513

I will edit this feed by tomorrow

[BG513]

thread unlocked

thank you @B5G513

I will edit this feed by tomorrow

Oh, sorry bro.
I thought you trashed this one.
I reposted it with the 2 links included.
You night just want to delete this one.
Sorry for the confusion.

Also, I should have read the rules in the first place.
My bad for that.

[BG513]

Ill bump this once

[Manc Sinatra]

Yeah this was pretty good. Flows more like poetry than rap for me but I know a lot of heads are into that, I'm just old school I guess. The content was nice, I like the general idea but I think you could've connected more emotionally. It's almost like you're describing the emotion to me rather than emoting it if that makes any sense? I dunno how to explain it, it's disconnected from the heart for me. Nice read though, stay up.

[Emily]

we once were inseparable, pulled magnetic,
souls angelic, dancing kinetic-pantomime Great intro. Nice bar.
true love which authentic and divine. missed word? true love which 'was' authentic, maybe?
if I could turn back the hands of time
to when our eyes met so naturally
and our minds clicked so casually
before we put an end to better days
and then we went our separate ways You put this so well. The simplicity of love is on show.
I especially like how you said...met so naturally, clicked so casually...And then to end it with 'separate ways', well, such a shame it had to end.
---------------------------------
both joined in new relationships
which only formed into acquaintances The relationships formed into acquaintances, or you two? Tad confusing line here.
though we weren't together physically
we would bond forever mentally I like that.
---------------------------------
---------------------------------
---------------------------------
because eventually we'd gotten back together
agreeing that our love should last forever How clean cut is that? No need to up the ante' on pure love.
---------------------------------
but then our glare was unfamiliar I like the way you put this.
and the love we had become bewildered bewildered? meh' not sure about that word.
though our hearts were still connected
they certainly were affected lol loving the rhymes and soft melodical flow.
Our separation caused much damage
but our dedication never vanished
still, holdin-on's a daunting challenge
the mental ravage; hard to manage. Top line. Well said. Well done.
---------------------------------
---------------------------------
no way we can just, erase all the pain!. I know right! Like, you're supposed to just click your fingers and...everything's back to the good 'ol days.
that's like tryin to rekindle, flames in the rain. Perfect
but sometimes, rain stops, then, it's sunshine
that brief moment, we ease up, and unwind. This bits great.
and those are the moments that we grasp
lending strength to the future from the past lol, wouldn't have thought of it like that, but it's true, I guess.
---------------------------------
---------------------------------

Like God's love, I love her unconditional
my best friend, yet a stranger, it's inexplicable and yet...such strange occurrences...happen all too often
---------------------------------
so even after what we've seen in our rough times
our hearts only feel love, forever sublime

simply because .................. Love's Blind Nice outro.

The outro could have been a little cliche' but with what went on before it, all your explanations and you wearing your heart on your sleeve and all,
well, it went perfectly; that outro, was the cherry on top.
Lovely piece here. I like the simple use of language, not clogging it up with multi's and not making it over the top with rhyme, and not trying to impress
with big words, just, staying true to the msg and staying true to the writer, which makes it stay true to me, the reader.
Great talent here for an honest voice, showing a pain that gains nothing but memories and a feeling of love, that never goes away.
This could have easily been dropped in pc too.
Nice writing BG513.
Nice gift you've got.
Keep dropping.

And keep staying true to you, because, it shows.
And personally, that's the bit I'm drawn to.
But we're all different, and searching for different things. So we'll all have different opinions. There's no right or wrong.
Just what's right or wrong for you.
And this, as it is, is very right for me.

Beautiful Read.


Thank you.

[OG Maestro]

I like how this is affectionate and insightful. It's nice to see some heartfelt pieces on here because the subject of love is never played out.
The mechanics in this are relatively simple, with some moments of above average vocab-use. But the flow was very disciplined in most of this which was a big +. I enjoyed reading this, but some constructive criticism I'd include is use more references and similes/metaphors, it's entertaining and gives readers something tangible to see depending on how well you tie your ideas together.

Thanks for sharing