Sacred Scriptures Season 15: Championship Series: Week 6: Illyricist Wins!!!

[143]

Illyricist vs nahlidge

CHECK IN 4/24

VERSES BY 4/28 EXTENSION 4/29

VOTES BY 5/2

YOUR TOPIC IS ABOUT YOUR INNER FEAR. THE PIC WILL REPRESENT YOUR FEAR

YOU MUST WRITE A VERSE ABOUT YOUR FEAR WITH HER AS A REPRESENTATION

20 - 60 LINES


MUST VOTE ON ALL OPEN BATTLES OR THE MISSING VOTES WILL COST YOU VOTES. BOTH WITH THE SAME MISSING VOTES BECOMES A DRAW. BOTH DIDN'T VOTE AND BOTH RECEIVE LOSSES.

@illyricist @Nahlidge

HERE IS YOUR TOPIC

http://s1.favim.com/orig/19/funny-gi...com-201024.jpg

[TheIllyricist]

check 'em

[Nahlidge]

Leh go

[TheIllyricist]

On the podium and I look out into the masses
I’m surrounded, bright -- yet I see only blackness,
Short of breath and I’m shaking, quaking
Is this a bad dream and I’ve yet to awaken?

No, I tap the mic as a test. One two, one two, “Hello.”
Boom, taken aback as I hear my voice echo.
I hate this, caught up in a void of spaces
Trying to bring noise to the faces
But, it seems I can’t avoid the faceless

I speak out again for all to hear…

“Fear?” Yes. Seems to be the theme
Seamed between me and the dreams
Of a twisted Adam and Eve,
Is he me, or me he fallen from the tree
In a bed of broken leaves, they bleed!

But who spilled crimson upon the sheets?
This happiness, this white linen on Roman streets
Betrayal so hateful I just didn’t know it could be fatal
A silent stab sunken, so sly she shouldn’t feel shame full
Yet who am I to say she couldn’t feel labeled,

Even… hated.

After a long quiet, the muse is amused (or abused?)
And I can finally spew the truth. (but is it true?)

“What’s my greatest fear? It was never mine.
It was hers. My sister Caroline.
You think it wouldn’t bite every time,
But I still cringe at the words, ‘I’m fine.’
We know how this goes,
A story of dos and don’ts
And she couldn’t cope,
Couldn’t hide, not from the emptiness inside…

Find it so funny that she was top of her class
Golden child a female Caesar; but fragile as glass
Seeing nothing but opportunities that passed
Lost in the past and sad that beauty doesn’t last.

Her body was her traitor one day on the morrow
Imprisoned in her room with blankets of sorrow
Warm with poison and no light to borrow

The closest things turned the pages
And then burned the ages,
Seventeen and on wasn’t meant to be
So I hope they’re heavenly
And the weight is no longer weighing heavily
Just let her be…

At peace in the cloudy sea
Because words are meant for papers (C)
Not carved into her skin like a disease
Imprinted red with grief

And I’d rather live happily
The real kind; not this tragedy
This picture placed up on the projector
Projects the lie of ‘I’m fine’ – It didn’t protect her

It passes to me, maybe genetically
As joy dies, she breeds the desperate needs
And empty seeds plant their tree
Of boundless fees

Parasites feeding off my teeth;
I show them less, even when I made the team... Have I lost the scene?

I wonder; will hers be my brutal truth,
Will my mind become my… Brutus too?"

[Nahlidge]

She's beauty, any other word does her no justice
Trailing off, her current sends a shiver down my spine
She's moving, a reflection of the girl I fell in love with
Compared to lost, I'm cautious of the treasure I could find

See she's great in ways you'd never comprehend
Starting with the traits that let you know..
..you might be better off as friends

But she's perfect, heaven in the body of goddess
Perception is my own, sometimes I am a bit modest
Let's just say she trumps the trophies in my closet
Surpassing any other covered shame I ever lauded

But, what I fear is never hearing her words
Seeing the real her, talking 'bout the bees and the birds
I wanna feel her, walking down the street on a curb
But I'm, still tryna chill making sure I pay my Netflix..
..I hit her up, hoping she get the message
So I try to send her stuff that hints at what we could connect with
Sometimes I feel our lack of touch leaves us neglected
As we try to cut each other off at social intersections..
..But fuck it, I'm just testing the streams
I throw her back, there's plenty others of her left in the sea
I show her that, likes and comments aren't impressive to me
As I'm dissecting other segments of her selfies and memes

http://s1.favim.com/orig/19/funny-gi...com-201024.jpg

[Nohbody]

Well, this was an interesting battle.

Ill,
This was a nice story. The flow was mostly on, but there was some parts that was maybe worded somewhat awkwardly and slowed down some of the momentum. You didnt beat the verse to death with super complex category, but you chose the right words to express the ideas just right. It was almost simplistically poetic if that makes sense. The pace was good . . . i liked the story, considering so many girls are buried under the obsessions of social media in this digital age, it speaks about so many right now. Good verse fam

Nahlidge,
There was a lot to like about this verse. . . i mean, line for line i was digging everything except that i found the 'chill and netflix' line a tad bit cheesy. Technically, i think you fall short compared to Ills verse. I see you have multis sort of sprinkled throughout the verse, but nothing that really pulls lines together, no real internals rhymes jumping out at me either, but i cant beat you up about vocabulary, because i think you guys were even here. All of that is really minor though. My biggest issue is that this verse basically just told a short story about the girl, and ive read over this 3 times before coming to the conclusion that your piece did not really embody the challenge this week. It was to be about an inner fear using the girl as a representation. While i see a well paced cohesive story about a girl, i do not see how it relates to an inner fear.

So with that said. . .I have to vote Ill on this one. Technically, i feel his verse was more sound. And I think he did a better job at actually executing the topic.

[143]

Both verses address the playing of relationships in social media

Ill

Your Aesopic verse was intriguing. There were directions you were moving then you switch up and now it's about this. The poetic styling and structure align itself to this movement. So after a rereading of your verse it was meant that way as laying your life out in social media is scattered like that. The feelings and needs played like cards, segmented and powerful in each own right. You did a great job wrapping the verse up with the last two lines. I had to really pull out the abstractness to get this verse and once I did I see the brilliance in it.

Now Nah your movement in the verse was not as hectic as Ill's but still brought out that inner feeling of posting your love life on social media. I know that feeling that you must sustain some contact with that in your life to connect with a female. Like emojis are the new roses. The wanting of a real relationship verses a digital enhanced one and then cutting the madness really shows here and I can connect with this. I got the chill and netflix line.....thought it was clever....

Two different verses dropped and I have to go with Nah's verse due to his concentration of the moment while I felt that Ill's verse was more about the bigger picture and the various aspects in that picture presenting it in great abstract detail verse enveloping the center of the topic. Great verses in my opinion.

[King Prince]

Good drops from both in what I thought would be the most complex match for this weeks topic.

Ill- I loved your take on the topic. The troubles of a seemingly perfect girl. That and the manner in which u told the story was a perfect pairing. Not sure if it was meant to be taken as a eulogy but that's exactly how it came across. There were a few lines that I felt didn't allow you to clearly set a sense of direction but it wasn't enough to throw me off track while reading.

Nahlidge- I like the drop but as far as comparison goes it was too dry and straight to the cut. I don't mean dry as in uncreative because the take on the topic was different. different is always good. Its more once your direction was taken there was no wow factor to the rest of it. It was straight forward: I like this girl I met on the net, she seems perfect yet this may be just an internet thing to her. Nothin more to it. Just wasn't enough done to be an effective battle verse at this level

Vote ill - but I do commend both on their attack of the topic. Just felt ill did a little more with the topic and took u more places with the story