HighEngineChief - bitchesbitingdownonsurrealisticpillows (1)
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View Poll Results: HOF?

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  • Yes

    0 0%
  • No

    3 100.00%
Showing results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    SirVent
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    HighEngineChief - bitchesbitingdownonsurrealisticpillows (1)

    bitchesbitingdownonsurrealisticpillows




    We use to have it new matching kicks out the package use to dip into our mattress fully functioned automatics wrapped in bubble rapping after school and counting up our money backwards spending right down to the Jackson 5 AM toast eggs and scrambled battered faces with cocaine saran wrap round my tongue canít taste it numb me and Michael dancing on white girls like weíre OJís knife on Bandstand I fuck them and he eats breakfast no blessing the food is cancer weíre heading towards a disaster the message Iím sending is thereís no making sense of it after I say it I have to spray it the answer is Iím the greatest hits Iím playing Banjo Kazooie mashing the A it sticks the landing theyíre clapping now what the fuck just happened does anyone know what day it is falling off of the face of this planet and landing slam on my morals and crack the code in my basement where Iíll be hacking tomorrow and phishing for someoneís paycheck while Iím updating my status no telling what I might say next to you on a plane snapchatting my dick to Angela Bassett nose diving into a canyon Iím jerking off as weíre crashing into a lake of tits ass and angel lips magic is in the air and weíve already landed on our own imagination itís troublesome understanding ourselves with all of this paper distracting us from the way we live hammered and waiting for our new masters to come and break us in clamored around the table with hands out ready to take a pic selfies second helpings of selfishness clean the plate and lick the melting pot until nothingís left but only the healthiest Nietzsche with a metal fist beating himself to death in his sleep dreaming of the same hell heís in over and over until forever bleeds out never again

  2. #2
    Administrator ILLunatic's Avatar
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    Re: HighEngineChief - bitchesbitingdownonsurrealisticpillows (1)

    This would be better suited for an audio type of open mic. Written wise, it was rather jumbled and very unorganized as there was no structure. The word play didn't transition well from a text stand point and I kept finding myself losing my place when trying to read it


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  3. #3
    SirVent
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    Re: HighEngineChief - bitchesbitingdownonsurrealisticpillows (1)

    i actually like the paragraph style in this, however, as far as om goes, it lacks the 'finished product' aspect. as ILL said, this would be dope as an audio. or even just a spoken word. the content was there, the flow was there, but it needed more polish. so with that said, it's a no from me.

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    the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
    we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.

  4. #4
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: HighEngineChief - bitchesbitingdownonsurrealisticpillows (1)

    Always good seeing someone bring something different to the table, and story wise, I have not a lot of bad to spill on this.
    I think it lacks a hof polish though, I feel the structure didn't help the visual aspect of this piece, even though I'm all for doing
    things differently and not sticking to the norm. Zen the Dude tends to pull this type of structure off very well, but in this particular
    piece, I think something was stopping it from being brilliant. What that something was, not sure, maybe it was the structure.
    With these questions in mind, I'm going to vote-No


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  5. #5
    ::..VOCABULUS..:: 143's Avatar
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    Re: HighEngineChief - bitchesbitingdownonsurrealisticpillows (1)

    Definitely out of the box but when unboxed, it showed that the box was half empty than full. Plus you can't get the texture of the verse to underline the movement with the topic. Nah


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    Best Topical Writer: 143

  6. #6
    SirVent
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    Re: HighEngineChief - bitchesbitingdownonsurrealisticpillows (1)

    4-0 no

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    the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
    we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.

 

 

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