English - We're made out of glue (1) 2-3

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Thread: English - We're made out of glue (1) 2-3

  1. #1
    SirVent
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    English - We're made out of glue (1) 2-3

    bask in moons for my madness
    training thought to forge the tracklist
    run-on sentence, run on acid,
    run on essence bought with plastic:
    aggressive-passive, pastiche-progressive
    passes over pretentious passage,
    one sobering thought among a hundred classes,
    less sober, in thought, among huddled masses
    - i've had it, i haven't;
    masochistic malformed manners,
    bandage wounds with standard banners,
    thumping bass undoes the sadder, meaner matters,
    bumping lines, and cutting life from karenina, anna.
    habit seeks a pattern's patter.
    spiral -para, see the sequence shatter.
    secrets. mathematics. penis. parapraxis. regrets. parataxis.
    i've been a nuisance. i'm disillusioned.
    pent-up prick pissing puissance.
    patronizing. analyzing your face from its little movement.
    present a problem just to sink solution.
    shit is useless. shit is silly, so
    random. expanding video
    anthem. brandish a lantern lit - it's gold,
    or charred orange the god posits
    to his not-prophets who stir the pot's three contents
    of its deposits.
    leaves lock in the chastity so you can be modest,
    and breathe honestly. you're deep. got it. don't sleep on it.
    the quartz (from the cheek's) polished:
    see onyx when the retina's detached,
    simply seeking light but ill-respecting the black
    or the darkness - where your heart is. light it up,
    line the targets, see the parts shift and flicker
    that our white-knuckle grip can wither.
    soft hands, tough liver, punch the pate until its bitter
    blood's spilling up - five minute slots
    where i can't fit in stuff. life's little lot
    but i can't give it up. or give enough.
    so I spit a bunch of riddles for the fucks that pay attention,
    sitting ducksí slipping clutch on a timepiece of our invention
    canít ascend. then Iím repentant;
    sorry for the disservice Iíve pretended to deserve but
    i'm worthy of so much more if I could realise i'm worth love.
    Last edited by Jukon; April 7th, 2016 at 04:10 PM

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    the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
    we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.

  2. #2
    SirVent
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    Re: English - We're made out of glue (1)

    V/ yes

    Dude writes in such a liquid form, so easy to read. He doesn't clutter it with unnecessary vocabulary and doesn't try too hard. Just makes it look easy. The concept was solid and he executed well. Eng always has dope pieces and this isn't even his best but out of this month, it is definitely the best piece dropped. And I really vibed with it, easy to connect with, and that's not always his forte but he did it well with this one.

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    the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
    we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.

  3. #3
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: English - We're made out of glue (1)

    English did well with this. Bored me a tad with the tongue twisting alliteration but that's the showcase of it I guess.
    His technique speaks for itself.
    A well worded, intellectual piece that deserves hof.

    v-yes


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  4. #4
    Gotta be Tardi Fresh's Avatar
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    Re: English - We're made out of glue (1)

    Hmm I'm on the fence here. It flowed ridiculously well, and the alliteration was done well (probably part of the reason for the nice flow). But something about the progression is throwing me off, or lack thereof. It seemed to be just talking about a topic instead of telling a story. It was written well, but my personal opinion is that it didn't expand enough and ironically it wasn't entirely cohesive. Very good writer obviously, but for me I have to vote:

    no

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  5. #5
    ::..VOCABULUS..:: 143's Avatar
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    Re: English - We're made out of glue (1)

    I agree with fresh. There is really no direction in this and I understand the premise but as well written and well applied in a technical sense, it misses the mark on a HOF level. And you know that I love the vocab in this and it's usage was spot on, it just needed that constant or solid thing that would relate to what was written to give the imagery in this some definition. I have to say No

    Vote No


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    Best Topical Writer: 143

  6. #6
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
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    Re: English - We're made out of glue (1)

    This was an interesting piece. The best piece I've read out of the nominees so far. Though it wasn't perfect, the jerkiness of it made for a dope/intriguing read to me. With that said I think it started better than it ended. I was a little let down with the 2nd half of the piece. The beginning and first half drew me in but along the way the piece lost steam and wasn't finished as strong.

    Vote - No

    GRUMPY OLD MAN


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