Emily - Sluts and Insecurities (2) 0-5

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Thread: Emily - Sluts and Insecurities (2) 0-5

  1. #1
    SirVent
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    Emily - Sluts and Insecurities (2) 0-5

    You better watch out
    your insatiable rages
    from feelings in cages
    captured for ages
    now...want to break free

    You better watch out
    the words that are felt
    from your heart they are dealt
    and there's no way to melt
    the blow

    You better watch out
    cause who's talking is you
    and they're listening too
    and those things that you wish for
    they might just come true


    ...Always seduced by a dirty mind
    curiosity makes me seek to find
    a place in a heart that floods with lust
    a man where his passion is always a must
    I wanna be pampered, I wanna be felt
    don't break the ice but make it melt
    rough me, touch me, teach me tricks
    look me through lenses --- let's make flicks
    I'm an oasis of comfort, a haven of dreams
    and yes, you are lucky...I am what it seems
    use your fantasy and make a kill
    but ask yourself, can you thrill?
    if you can't you're not my kind
    look elsewhere and you'll find
    Snow White in her pretty dress
    a virgin bride I must confess
    I don't need those pristine lies
    I'll just take the devils eyes
    so if you want, come find me
    forget the 6 just 9 me
    use, abuse, deny me
    I bet you'd like to tie me

    If I...
    turn into an angel,
    will I be able to fly?
    If I ever...
    will I watch the clouds go by?
    If I ever become an angel,
    will I wear a halo on my head?
    Will it be red?

    Will it be red?
    Last edited by Jukon; April 7th, 2016 at 04:10 PM

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    the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
    we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.

  2. #2
    SirVent
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    Re: Emily - Sluts and Insecurities (2)

    If we're being honest, Em is a great writer no doubt but this is by no means her best, I can think of 3 other pieces of hers off the bat that deserved hof more than this. It was a good read, fluid, and interesting. The story telling was there, the voice, was there. But conceptually speaking and execution wise I just don't think this was hof material.

    So v/ no on this one

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    the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
    we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.

  3. #3
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: Emily - Sluts and Insecurities (2)

    It's not.


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  4. #4
    Gotta be Tardi Fresh's Avatar
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    Re: Emily - Sluts and Insecurities (2)

    Emily this was well written, but I don't think it's hof. Holy shit though you have a dark side to you don't you! lol. Personally though, I think the topic is a hard topic to ever write an HoF piece for. I feel like you were just dabbling here and weren't putting forth a massive amount of effort. Cool read, but for me not HoF.

    vote : no

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  5. #5
    ::..VOCABULUS..:: 143's Avatar
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    Re: Emily - Sluts and Insecurities (2)

    I do feel the emotions in this piece. I like the concept and the direction in this as well. When I read this, it reminds me of old school thought provoking drops. As it is abstract in nature and some off us do get the jist of it all, it needed some boundaries. The brevity in the lines do bring an artistic flair to it but leaves the direction open so to me your stuck figuring where to go even though it pulls at your heart strings. I agree this is not your best drop but far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far from your worse. As a great piece yes, just not HOF

    Vote No


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    Best Topical Writer: 143

  6. #6
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
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    Re: Emily - Sluts and Insecurities (2)

    This was okay. Needed a little more depth to it to really push it over the top though. It read smooth but didn't really drag an emotion out of me. So I wasn't sure what to think. Had a couple lines like "don't break the ice but make it melt" that had the vibe I would have liked to see more of in this to get my vote.

    Vote - No

    GRUMPY OLD MEN

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