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Thread: The Light Is My Enemy

  1. #1
      Touch.'s Avatar
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    The Light Is My Enemy

    This is about wanting to die and being on the verge of death but then getting resussatated/brought back to a life you hate.

    -----------------------------

    The light is my enemy, I feel i'm pulled closer
    To a life with no meaning that I just want to be over.
    My lungs filling with air, polluting me with hope.
    The burden of living is costly, with that I can not cope.
    Touch
    I'll Be The Fire That'll Catch You


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  2. #2
    SirVent
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    Re: The Light Is My Enemy

    Real short, but the message is there. Some subtle metaphors in there that hold a lot of weight. I wish there was more, I'm assuming you're just getting back into the rhythm and seeing what kind of stuff you can do, hopefully you post more and even elaborate on this one. Cool little piece though, I liked it.

    The going back into something that you hate really hits home, I appreciate the honesty

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    the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
    we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.

  3. #3
    The Wind Sings TheIllyricist's Avatar
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    Re: The Light Is My Enemy

    Short, concise, and too the point. Personally, I don't think you need the summarized explanation of the meaning in your work. I tend to prefer it to hear the author's thoughts if I ask them about it or if we discuss in the chat or whatever. The reader will draw their own conclusions from the writer's message. If they're off the path of the writer, perhaps the writer didn't establish things clear enough. Or perhaps they're close and are simply getting another interpretation. That's part of what's beautiful about different works of art, everyone gets a different perspective from it. However, I could easily get the point behind this that you intended without the little opening summarization of the concept. Anyway, that's just my two cents on that. Do what you will with it, it doesn't really take away anything from your work!

    But, as a work, this is relatable. It hits home. Kind of like drifting off into a deep and peaceful sleep only to wake up to another day that you don't want a part of. However, there's really only the one way to read this due to the language and the brevity. You nailed the concept with the words and light amount of metaphorical imagery. Air polluting the lungs? That's a brilliant piece of imagery. What I want is more to this. More length. Not that a poem can't be great in four lines because they definitely can! To do that, there need to be more layers. With some more length you could really elaborate on the concept, throw some more ideas out there, and add the layers that are missing.

    But, what I like the most is the sense of honesty I feel from this piece. I appreciate you sharing something like this. It feels personal. Hope you write more!
    “Those whom life does not cure death will. The world is quite ruthless in selecting between the dream and the reality, even where we will not. Between the wish and the thing the world lies waiting.”

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