My Heart Beating Fast

[Touch.]

Been a while since I was last on this site, decided I'll post something, see how much I've improved at writing over the years.

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My chest it hurts, my heart beating fast.
Haunting visions of my troubled past.
My throat crushed with anxiety and fear,
Bloodshot and red, my eyes start to tear.

Sickening memories of times gone by,
Painfully existing when I just want to die.
Only bad thoughts pollute my head,
But the happiest image is in which im dead.

[Emily]

My chest it hurts, my heart beating fast.
Haunting visions of my troubled past.
My throat crushed with anxiety and fear,
Bloodshot and red, my eyes start to tear.

Sickening memories of times gone by,
Painfully existing when I just want to die.
Only bad thoughts pollute my head,
But the happiest image is in which im dead.

Hi Touch. Nice touch you've got with words. This is cool. The flow is smooth.
The words were pretty nice.

"...Haunting visions of my troubled past.
My throat crushed with anxiety and fear..."

I really like that. I think you said a lot in two lines here and I think you said it well.

I like your last stanza too. Your descriptions are good. The pictures that pop are lively and spark interest.
The only thing I would say is I think you could probably up the ante' on originality a little.
Make the pain your own, a little more than we've seen before. I'm not saying this isn't original, it is, but I have a feeling you could delve a little deeper, to give us more to see, in a way that's truly your own.
To be honest, I could have done with a few more stanzas also lol. I was enjoying where it was going and then...it ended : (
So yeah, a bit more length, to take us deeper into the eye of the storm and smack us around a bit lol.

I liked this short little poem here.
Thanks for dropping, Touch.

I'll keep a look out for your work.
Looking forward to it.

[Jukon]

Another short one, but your word choice pushes this over the top. The message itself is pretty simple but you have multiple layers and weave in some double meanings. I don't even know if that was your intention, but I got a lot of different outcomes with each read, mostly because you weren't overly descriptive and didn't allude to anything specific. Extremely fluid, everything rolls off the tongue, and I was reeled in with the first line. Obviously there's not much to it length wise; but you packed a good punch. Enjoyed it.

[TheIllyricist]

Hi Touch. Nice touch you've got with words.
Hi, Em. Nice pun, Em.
Okay. Bye.

Lmao, alright time to get serious.

My chest it hurts, my heart beating fast.
Haunting visions of my troubled past.
My throat crushed with anxiety and fear,
Bloodshot and red, my eyes start to tear.

Anytime somebody uses the word 'haunt' or 'haunted' or 'haunting' they get points in my book. I just thoroughly enjoy that word. The last two lines of this stanza are the best because that's where you really started to paint an image for us. Where you seemed to begin digging deeper for us to present the picture of the idea, bridging the gap with a rope of emotions to tug on us.

Sickening memories of times gone by,
Painfully existing when I just want to die.
Only bad thoughts pollute my head,
But the happiest image is in which im dead.

That last line. You got that Gary Jules 'Mad World' vibe. "I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had...." Bad thoughts polluting the head, 'painfully existing when I just want to die'. Those are the striking statements, concepts, images that we start to feel. We start to connect. It's a shame you ended so soon because I feel like this piece was only beginning to start. 'Sickening memories', what makes them sickening? I want you to describe the memories. I want to visualize them. I want to feel sickened and feel the self-hated that blooms simply by letting the visuals speak for themselves. You do need to delve deeper, and I think you can. But, this is a good short poem. A beginning to what I believe is much more. I want to live in your world, take us there.

This is good, but could be much better. With more writing, cuts, word choice, digging for the deeper imagery that breathes the life of your own soul into this. That's what I want to see. You've got clear talent. This is good work, Touch. I want more.