Across The Faded Tape

[TheIllyricist]

Puppeteer in the dark,
you make me dance
and spin in fragmented
twilight.

Shadow strings plucked,
the quartet tragedy
of Sophocles; me

Hummed to the tune
through haunted histories,
broken scenes

from my different rooms
with rewound view;

cassette projects
faded tape

child, lost.

[Soule]

Puppeteer in the dark,
you make me dance
and spin in fragmented
twilight.

I liked this. Especially the first two lines. Something about 'puppeteer in the dark, you make me dance' just gives a dark and beautiful chill. So smooth. So much in two lines. Great opener.

Shadow strings plucked,
the quartet tragedy
of Sophocles; me

Not a big fan of this triplet. The wording seems a bit clustered up, especially the second and third line. Not sure if I just wasn't reading into it correctly or if others will agree.

Hummed to the tune
through haunted histories,
broken scenes

Read this triplet a couple times to see if I could grab the flow better. I can't tell if I like the comma or not. Part of me thinks it'd read better just running into each other and part of me thinks the comma adds a nice, suspenseful pause. Either way, the wording is nice and it's just me being a picky cunt.

from my different rooms
with rewound view;

Not a big fan of this man. Dunno why but it just doesn't seem to fit in with everything you previously said and I'm not a giant fan of the sudden rhyme between rooms and view. There weren't a lot of rhymes before so why change it now?

cassette projects
faded tape

child, lost.

I see you tying in the title now. Faded tape. I'm not a fan of this tying in with the rest of the poem but I do admire the wording separately.

Decent poem. Some wording and grammar tweaks. Maybe a different build up to the finish. Otherwise, I liked it for the most part. Keep writing.

[Emily]

Across The Faded Tape ---Dear child of the 80's, or even the 70's, you are splendid.



Puppeteer in the dark,
you make me dance
and spin in fragmented
twilight.

This could have been repeated over and over and turned into a novel and I'd still buy number two. What stunning display of poetic voice. 'you make me dance...and spin...in fragmented...twilight.' I've melted with golden imagery

Shadow strings plucked,
the quartet tragedy
of Sophocles; me

we all live the greek tragedy regardless of nationality. The theatrics are in your heart and soul. I love these words. the way you've placed them. the pace.

Hummed to the tune
through haunted histories,
broken scenes

and mishandled memories maybe? pictures we cant shake? the alliteration is pretty in this.
the meaning in this stanza, is beautifully deep. Its a beautiful broken heart.

from my different rooms
with rewound view;

I see this as different rooms being different things, now that you're older. different rooms, different meetings, different walls, different people, but still with the same ol view. still the same ol room, still the same ol walls, same ol people, same ol memories.
P.T.S

cassette projects ---great wording. this is a lifetime of meaning in two words. imo, it could be so much. projects could mean a whole stack of stuff, i wont even go there, and cassette is so vintage, the reel of your life could be on it. you could rewind, play back, pause, erase. but you'd have to cut and stick it together without it showing on the tape. cause its a tape. youre always gonna be able to see it. if you want to see where the join is, you'll have to un-roll it and take time to look. only those in the know, know lol.

faded tape ----yeah they do get scratchy dont they? they get muffled and fuzzy and epically retro. they loose their sound. no where as clear. they loose. and so do we.

child, lost. ---how beautiful. how simply stunning and innocent and divine. youre back to the beginning, where you started. the beginning of the tape. i felt like all i did was press stop. and if i press play, itll all happen exactly the same.
for you are the puppet master.

Everything was beautiful.
Everything was serene, to me.


I'm still floating.

Thank you.

[Sammy]

STRONG showing here, sir.

Puppeteer in the dark,
you make me dance
and spin in fragmented
twilight.

the surrealism here was mind blowing. Tone ranged from creepy, to enchanting to endearing lol. quite an interest mix of emotion, man, ha! Awesome stanza.

Shadow strings plucked,
the quartet tragedy
of Sophocles; me

so much in so little! Theme, exposition, imagery, allusion, man this was a great stanza as well. The comparative nature between the "reference" and the character was well endowed by the revelation of one's life line (or rather crucial part of character's being) being taken away. Beautiful imagery and wording, my friend.

Hummed to the tune
through haunted histories,
broken scenes

ok, i see where this is going now. The association of music and memory is a powerful one. I still visit songs because it reminds me of a "time": First love. First club. First sex lol. What i took out most from this line was the not so aesthetic side of memory. Even bad recalls can summon sudden tune. high calibre concept, brotha.


from my different rooms
with rewound view;

No matter place and time, each beat, lyrics, instrument can certainly summon, often time, vivid memory of times gone by (be it good times or bad ha). Excellent conceptual expounding of the previous stanza and again....saying SO much with so little!

cassette projects
faded tape

child, lost.

Child lost what? in time?? possibly How you used projects (whether verb or noun) was unclear but does it really matter. I think both usage worked in that couplet. faded tape was awesomely worded imo. faded memories, perhaps, or the faded noise of yesteryear as we grow older.

Overall, man this one definitely caught my attention, not just from the aesthetics of the diction but the overall concept of memories and our intrinsic nature to trudge forward leaving behind a graveyard of. As usual, beautiful read, my friend. salute.

[Atti]

Puppeteer in the dark,
you make me dance
and spin in fragmented
twilight.

Shadow strings plucked,
the quartet tragedy
of Sophocles; me

Hummed to the tune
through haunted histories,
broken scenes

from my different rooms
with rewound view;

cassette projects
faded tape

child, lost.

i really liked this piece. it was quick and agile and takes actual analytical time to digest and process some type of guess as to what was being said - and i say guess because, the other reason i like this piece is that i don't see it as definitive. the clues left can have multiple outcomes leading from the same context provided which i love. a piece where depending on the mood, views, and background knowledge of a reader each interpretation becomes vastly different.

immediately, many of the stanza's related to a standard tragic relationship dynamic - puppeteer in the dark stanza definitely had a sexual connotation to originally.

the second stanza's reference to sophocles and the number 4 took over all interpretation as soon as i hit it. the fourth act in sophocles antigone is the point of execution for the depicted lover - so i could see it being a continuation of the destruction of relationship but at the hands of a third party. there's also Oedipis which, if this story is about a tangle love of your mother than things are getting a little weird ha.

i ended somewhere in the middle of the two by taking the low hanging fruit of the final line and took an interpretation of a difficult upbringing and struggling relationship with parent figures. cassette projects based on my age dates as something that would occur as a kid only before a relationship would be serious enough to meet the other theory. but at the same time 'child,lost' could absolutely still conclude the tragic lovers story has the end of your naivety from then on.

i guess i'm still not 100 on which way i'd like to see this but because all ways i've considered WORK and i'm assuming only differ based on my own bias - i liked this piece a lot.

also technically speaking - wording was spot on. the meter on this was especially fluent and natural. all around a solid read.