Derogative of Wanderlust

[Eyes]

Enchanted charms on masks, yet not enchained
with Chai Lattes, following nocturnal stains
a bliss to hold onto the attaché!
sealed adulation.
on this sinistral wandering, the "I" is his protégé
the long for twitter is a sparrows disgrace
the strollers irony - no road to ease
a lease to meet - when it's not paved for?
a meal to eat - when it's not paid for?

another casual Friday on Kings Road.


link 1
link 2

[Emily]

I'll be in here to feed this soon.
Sorry for the delay Eyes.

[Emily]

I like the title of this poem.
The first line is cool. It's a got an interesting mix of words to it.
" Enchanted charms on masks, yet not enchained..." That's really good imo.
Especially the 'yet not enchained' bit. Wonderful imagery you've given off straight
off the bat, and with only a few words. Well done.
The bit following the intro, the ...'...with Chai Lattes..." something about when we put
a bit of reality into drama, that I like. If I float away with the fairies, because of the trip of
song in a poetic piece, the reality comes in and slaps me back into my today. Not a bad thing.
I like that mix there. The bit where you say...'following nocturnal stains...' made me think a couple
of inappropriate thoughts lol. The rhyme was nice and easy in those two lines btw.
The third line makes me think of a corporate situation, and how we think our jobs should be
'sealed and in the bag'. This is probably way off from what you mean to translate to us,
but we all see different things in writing, and well, this is what I saw.
"... on this sinistral wandering, the "I" is his protégé..." This has a nice ring to it.
'sinistral wandering' is lovely.'
"... the long for twitter is a sparrows disgrace..." << Probably my favourite line. That's really good.
"... the strollers irony - no road to ease
a lease to meet - when it's not paved for?
a meal to eat - when it's not paid for?

another casual Friday on Kings Road."

Are the 'strollers' the people who stroll up and down the street? Are they homeless?
I'm feeling the hardship of life because of the 'no road to ease', the lack of a lease,
the unpaved roads, unpaid food and then it all falls into place with the last line, meaning,
to me, that this is the way it goes down on Kings Road.
We don't have food to eat, a place to stay, no ease of access, but we've got twitter and other modern first world things that we consider important.
I don't know who far off I might be with this run down of your piece Eyes, and I'm sorry if I'm way off. I like the concept.
I wish you could tie it all in a little more just so it's more concrete for the reader to understand. But I like your use of words,
I like the atmosphere you create with those words, I like the arty aspect of pop culture and struggle, I like all that.
It's just holding down the one underlying theme and making it stand out in a way where there aren't too many ideas blocking it.
A little more clearer in concept would be my only issue. Keep in mind this is just my opinion, and nothing else.
I think you've got a lot of talent. You show a picture clearly without saying much at all. Your pen moves in a graceful way.
You highlight reality and the irony of life, and I like that aspect to your writing here. I like the black and white of life.
Sorry if my feed is a little confusing. I hope you get where I'm coming from with my comments.
Pm me if you have any issues.
Thanks for dropping this.
I'm looking forward to reading your next piece, Eyes.

[Eyes]

Thank you for the amazing feed, Emily! I really appreciate it. And you're spot on with the message(s), too!
It's a social criticism. I was depicting an everyday scene on the Kings Road, which is part of one of the most "posh" areas in London. I was trying to create a contrast between corporate employees, hence the "attaché" and homeless people.
I'll try to be more concise with the narrative in the future. Thanks for the read.

[Sammy]

ha, if i didn't read ur explanation above i'd conclude that this poem was about seduction lol. U know what, instead of pretending like my views changed and using ur explanation as a crux, let me explain what i initially thought. But let me preface that your given intention was much deeper than my interpretation lol. well here goes...

i love the wording here.

enchanted charm on masks yet not enchained

the imagery presented, as i initially thought, was of a free-spirit playboy, sitting at a bar or coffee shop with a latte posing as something he isn't lol.

a bliss to hold onto the attaché!
sealed adulation.

when i first read this, i felt that he did attract attention of the opposite sex ha.

on this sinistral wandering, the "I" is his protégé

this was bit cryptic to me. I thought maybe the "I" was in referenced to "eye" as it sway to his intent. lol, i was definitely lost there.

the long for twitter is a sparrows disgrace

i felt the metaphor and imagery here was great. Traditionally sparrow is a symbolism of self worth and confidence and the irony of it being the mascott for twitter - a venue where attention and praise of others is first and foremost, it gave a strong social criticism. But i couldn't figure out how it mix with the rest of my initial thought of the poem.

the last few lines i really liked

the strollers irony - no road to ease
a lease to meet - when it's not paved for?
a meal to eat - when it's not paid for?

basically i took it as a cause/effect relation; an irony. Every assets comes with a price.

well thats what i got before i read ur explanation lol. Overall this was VERY enjoyable to read. it definitely serves as a canvas for the mind to draw its own conclusion. well done.

[Eyes]

Really appreciate the amazing feedback, Sammy, thanks a lot!
Ha, that's a very interesting interpretation of yours. I never thought of that approach. I guess in the end, it's what the reader gets out of it subjectively when the writer's not clear enough.

[TheIllyricist]

Enchanted charms on masks, yet not enchained
with Chai Lattes, following nocturnal stains
a bliss to hold onto the attaché!
sealed adulation.

Masks... I wonder if we're talking about the people. Everyone's wearing a mask to fool those around them. An atmosphere where no one's personalities feel real and unique to the person themselves. Rather, appearances put on in order to look the fashion of socially acceptable or popular. Sealed adulation. I get the feeling of those searching for praise from others.

on this sinistral wandering, the "I" is his protégé
the long for twitter is a sparrows disgrace
the strollers irony - no road to ease
a lease to meet - when it's not paved for?
a meal to eat - when it's not paid for?

The "I" is his protege. Speaks to the self-centered mind no? I always comes first. The "I" must be guided to nurture the self with the 'acceptance' and 'praise' of those in their social sphere. Annndddd there comes the twitter line to seal the deal of a criticism of social media and networking. Well put. The clash of the poor and rich, the class divide. I do wonder if there are more descriptive ways to capture this theme in a more striking fashion but that comes down to personal style and taste. Take those things when I say them with a grain of salt, always! lol

another casual Friday on Kings Road.

Can't say I know too much about Kings Road, or London. But, I feel I catch the drift. The blissful ignorance and shameful luxury being an everyday thing.

One, I like the title. Lessening of wanderlust. I'm enjoying the concept of selfish people focused on themselves in their network spheres sharing the places they go without truly appreciating the places they wander. Making a big deal out of a coffee place they stopped off to and taking pictures of it. It's silly. That's simply how I read the piece. You really did capture this idea in a concise fashion and I've enjoyed the read. Perhaps a few words to make things more concrete. Abstract is great, but the word choice has to have some form of coherence. Or maybe it doesn't... I'm just thinking out loud. I do feel there were ways to hammer home that statement in less direct terms. I feel something is always more powerful when we put forth an idea and let the image speak rather than our commentary.