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Thread: Different Hues

  1. #1
    @richcoastrican slecht's Avatar
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    Different Hues

    ''Different Hues''

    She was red. I was blue.
    We were different hues.
    Different views.
    The friction grew,
    The addiction too,
    Which we didn't know our limits too.

    She was a Dark Red, afraid of her surroundings.
    I was a Carolina Blue.
    Full energy and always kept pounding.
    The fiery latina attitude matched her shade of Flame.
    While I was true blue - Honesty and Loyalty was my main game.

    Sometimes she was a Lust red, and we felt the passion together
    Especially when I showed her steel blue.
    I felt stronger than ever.
    I wanted to reveal my Royal Blue. Show her my definition of love.
    Embracing her Maroon while reminding her she will be loved.

    I always made sure to communicate, even when I was teal.
    But she remained oxblood, her pride kept her from keeping it real.
    A dark cloud in my sky blue front.
    Her feelings were Crimson - all tide up.

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  2. #2
    SirVent
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    Re: Different Hues

    first off, your signature = amen amen

    secondly, i love pieces with color metaphors. the crimson tide part was clever. there was a lot of good metaphorical points and you made them all fit without forcing it. good fluid flow, and extremely easy to read. every now and then you get the overly metaphorical poems and it just seems so forced and the wording is off but you really fit the pieces of the puzzle together nicely here. good read.

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    the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
    we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.

  3. #3
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: Different Hues

    This is cool, a cool sky blue. lol
    Seriously loved the flow my friend. Who are you again? lol
    In certain areas (the intro especially) that flow is mmm(that's how I described it to someone here).
    At first I thought the word 'blue' came into play too much, but then
    as I read along, I realised that the repetitive nature of the word works well
    with the different analogy along side it.
    It's a fast paced, strong, confident piece and I really appreciated how you personified colours and
    gave them a pictured life of their own.

    "She was red. I was blue.
    We were different hues.
    Different views.
    The friction grew,
    The addiction too,
    Which we didn't know our limits too...."

    The pace and tone speak volumes imo.
    It gives off a gutsy conviction that is sexy as, and kind of spell binding.

    You've got this faithful poise throughout, it ricochets through the piece,
    and there's just something about this piece to me that breaths loud and clear.

    I think the 'always kept pounding' was my least favourite line. Only because of the
    calibre of wording you have in that section, it was I don't know, seemed more elegant,
    and then the word pounding came along and just made me think of well...you know...pounding.
    So it took it down a notch for me. Just that little bit there.

    "...Sometimes she was a Lust red, and we felt the passion together
    Especially when I showed her steel blue.
    I felt stronger than ever.
    I wanted to reveal my Royal Blue. Show her my definition of love.
    Embracing her Maroon while reminding her she will be loved...."

    ^^ Another good stanza. I liked it. You've got simple rhymes on the end but
    I have no problem with that, since the content is not simple at all. But deep and meaningful.
    My OCD has a little issue with the words 'love' and 'loved' only because I feel they're in such
    close proximity that to me, they seem like a repeated word. I also feel that last line seems a bit
    long/stretched. Like there's a word or two too many there. Just on the last line.

    "...A dark cloud in my sky blue front.
    Her feelings were Crimson - all tide up."

    ^^ What a way to go out. That's a great outro.

    I have to say, I really enjoyed this poem. I thought it was really good.
    Loved the content, what you did with the colours and situations. The friction which
    felt alive, it sparked up. And I appreciated the melodical flow which made it a sweet and enjoyable read.

    Good stuff slecht.
    You've got talent.
    I like the realness you show us.
    Your organic vibe is refreshing.

    Keep writing and dropping.


    (Btw, a link from something you've fed, needs to be pasted into this, so it doesn't get closed.
    If you could do us that favour, it would be appreciated.)
    Last edited by Emily; January 29th, 2016 at 12:36 AM


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  4. #4
    The Wind Sings TheIllyricist's Avatar
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    Re: Different Hues

    Color poems! I love these, even if I have yet to tackle one myself. The crimson tide wordplay was on point, really enjoyed that Although with the word tide itself I wonder if it fits the word scheme and the visual message/metaphorical message you were trying to convey. Meant to be some ocean imagery for the rolling tide of emotions? I could see that, just felt a bit off for me even though I did like the word fusing.

    Great flow, good usage of the colors. It was real, it was simple, and it vibes. I could flow with this piece at any time, and it's got that relatable quality. Solid title as well. Nice job, man.

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