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Thread: Raef

  1. #1
    The Wind Sings TheIllyricist's Avatar
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    Raef

    I hate Raef more than anything,
    Even more than brussel sprouts.
    From the things he does and does not say
    To that he does and does not do

    Like that time I wanted to climb the fence
    Raef smacked me and said nope
    Don’t do a thing that doesn’t make sense.
    Tried to make him see, but his experiences; too rote

    Avoid the girl, don’t get too close
    No chance, better not to hope
    Hated him so much I had to end this war
    So I took a mirror to Raef;

    And recognized the truth
    That fear is not always safe.


    http://www.rapbattles.com/showthread...88884-Savannah
    http://www.rapbattles.com/showthread.php?489015-FUCK

  2. #2
    SirVent
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    Re: Raef

    Cool concept using the reverse of the word as a noun, personifying it. I would like to point out some things I didn't like but I didn't find anything to fault here. Great tone and the continuity of it is appreciated. Cool drop, really liked the ending

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    the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
    we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.

  3. #3
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: Raef

    How clever The Illyricist, it took me a while to realise that Reaf was fear back to front, ..... nice touch personifying a feeling.
    I also liked the story telling aspect of this poem. It's clear and clean and the imagery pops, helped along with childhood memories of climbing trees and the like and explaining how you were stopped by fear.
    I especially liked how you wrote how fear told you to avoid the girl and not get too close.
    I really appreciated the reality/honesty in this piece of work. It's very relateable and touches the vulnerable side of a lot of us.
    I also liked the structure.
    I look at pace and tone also and find that this is such an easy flowing piece to read.
    I appreciate the length of it, it doesn't get to a stage where it drags on.
    In saying that, I liked the view point of this poem so much, I would have loved to have had more to read.
    I'm being selfish wanting an extended version of your story.

    I really enjoyed it.

    Good stuff.
    Good to have you back The Illyricist.


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