A gradient land collapse,
Creates, mutiny stirred race,
Explosive motives grieving,
Raids Botox into tyranny face,
Borderlands is no coincidence,
Cries Adhesive, wounds an echo,
Mad lobotomy sprees infantry,
Splicing entities by it's Jekyll,
The rise of anarchy awaits pending,
From electrolytes' to brainstorming,
Politically incorrect, affects encrypt,
A World trade falls, to Global warming...
The end of a Revelation.... But a Clever Word always illustrated.
I've read this over a couple times and have had trouble in trying to form a decent reply. It is densely abstract...perhaps a little too dense. It is structured well and the flow of the piece is pretty seamless. I'm just having a hard time dissecting the imagery to piece together a cohesive concept that ties the piece to its title in some way.
Basically it's difficult to understand because it's toward the government conspiracy theories...
The end of a Revelation.... But a Clever Word always illustrated.
Thought this was an interesting piece bro. I can see that this was very encrpted as far as an easy message to derive from it. It had a pretty strong imagery and i think this couldve brought more levels of creativity out of your writing with the more descriptions.
I thought you had some awesome words in here.
Some of the sentences were powerful and grabbed my attention.
They made me think really hard about how things can be flipped
to give an edge that we don't normally see.
I loved your intro. I thought it was probably the clearest of the piece.
In saying that, we all see what we want to see in written work.
And even thought your msg isnt really clear as day, all the more fun
putting my own elements of thought into it. It may not be the same
thought that you have in mind, but I still get a msg of a screwed up
government and people who are left with their hands up in the air.
An abstract piece that's interesting to read and work out.
Nice one.
"A gradient land collapse,
Creates, mutiny stirred race,
Explosive motives grieving,
Raids Botox into tyranny face..."
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Short, concise, loaded with multiple meanings. Nice looking poem, man. That intro was worded so specifically that I can tell you put some serious thought not only in the words chosen but also the punctuation. Comma placement was on point and gave the right effect, and it also gave the right pauses so the reader can take a moment to think about the phrases (which ultimately helped a lot to gather more than the single/literal meanings of the words). 'Explosive motives', 'mutiny stirred race'. Loaded with political content right there, and vague enough for the reader to add onto it and really think especially when we're talking about conspiracy theories within the government. Not many things I can pick at, but what I'm losing here is what these things mean to you. I can't get a feeling, or an emotion. This was so structurally well crafted that it obviously means something to you but it's missing from the piece itself. It's a personal thing to me that the greatest poetry means something fierce to the writer and that floods into those who are reading it. As it stands, this is really fucking good. But, for me you're simply inches... Just inches from incredible.
Thanks I truly appreciate your feedback alot. I wrote this as a message about our society itself. If you didn't know I'm composed as a theorist who is being ridiculed on certain threads or topic's I speak on. I just want the truth to be shackled free.Originally Posted by TheIllyricist
The end of a Revelation.... But a Clever Word always illustrated.
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