User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: O Captain! My Captain!

  1. #1
    Em-UhTh-Double Guh-Ah MuhThugga's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Age
    37
    Posts
    2,249

    O Captain! My Captain!

    O Captain! My Captain! our fearful trip's begun;
    The genie's lamp has tarnish'd black, the monsters all have won;
    The radio's fallen silent, the static hums a mournful song;
    Footprints upon an empty desk, our Captain's dead and gone.

    And the legacies whisper
    From their pictures on the wall,
    Such eloquent masquerades,
    Our Captain showed us all.

    O Captain! My Captain! it is not your fault;
    No butterfly on a lonely cliff could save your fateful fall;
    The candle had flicker’d out, the darkness grew too strong;
    Footprints upon an empty desk, our Captain's dead and gone.

    And Neverland is grieving
    For the boy within his eyes,
    Where no one rolled a five or eight
    To free him from his mind.

    O Captain! My Captain! join your masquerade;
    With whispers waiting in your painting, awaiting your charades;
    The legacies will welcome you, extending open arms;
    Footprints upon an empty desk, our Captain’s dead and gone.

    But O Nanu! Nanu!
    He quietly whispers to us all,
    As we mournfully pass
    His picture on the wall.

    http://rapbattles.com/showthread.php...Rough-Diamonds
    Last edited by MuhThugga; November 7th, 2015 at 09:26 AM

  2. #2

    Re: O Captain! My Captain!

    Veey interesting piece here.

    Dug the progession and the theme. You kept it constistant throught
    Tbh tho im not to fond of the breaking up of the images. Or stanzas
    Lol just my personal preference. But i feel like you know what your doing
    And tbh it worked well here no real gripes from me.

    Can i ask what inspired this? Curious to your thought process
    DamNation

  3. #3
    Em-UhTh-Double Guh-Ah MuhThugga's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Age
    37
    Posts
    2,249

    Re: O Captain! My Captain!

    This is actually my tribute to Robin Williams.

  4. #4
    SirVent
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Age
    34
    Posts
    6,642
    Battle Record
    13-2
    Awards PS Champion/IE Champion Haiku Champion OM HOF PC HOF SOTW

    Re: O Captain! My Captain!

    You have 24 hours to get 1 feedback link.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
    we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.

  5. #5
    Landed Emily's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    4,492
    Battle Record
    2-2
    Awards MOTM PC HOF

    Re: O Captain! My Captain!

    Nice tribute too. First thing I thought of when I read...Oh Captain, my Captain. Very nice indeed.
    Those other words cascading down were so elegantly written, there's such a grace of air about them.
    To me, this came across as polished and refined. I like that the flow was so strong and obvious.
    There's quite a few lines I could quote. I also like the tone you've got in this piece. It stays consistent,
    good job on helping the mood out. It all builds an atmosphere that circles love and respect.
    I also like the repeated words. Nice one.

    O Captain! My Captain! our fearful trip's begun;
    The genie's lamp has tarnish'd black, the monsters all have won;
    No butterfly on a lonely cliff could save your fateful fall;
    The candle had flicker’d out, the darkness grew too strong;
    And Neverland is grieving
    For the boy within his eyes,
    Where no one rolled a five or eight
    To free him from his mind.
    I could go on.

    What a beautiful poet you are.

    Lovely Read.
    Last edited by Emily; November 11th, 2015 at 08:36 PM


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •