User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: FUCK

  1. #1
    ::..VOCABULUS..:: 143's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    The Desert
    Posts
    1,821
    Battle Record
    8-9
    Awards SS HW Champion PC HOF OM HOF

    FUCK

    FuCK IT...

    and she walks with a limp to the shadows behind her

    FUCK YOU....

    and she walk back to my face to match her mouth and nostrils with her anger

    I DON'T GIVE A FUCK....

    and she laughs with the disdain of several hungry men outside a Wendy's

    FUCK OFF....

    and she sidesteps the notion of harm to my person and remembering all the good pussy she wasted in moments of love taken for granted

    A light flashes to intervene my tirade barricading death...

    NOW LOOK WHO JUST GOT FUCKED UP......

    - - - Updated - - -

    http://rapbattles.com/showthread.php?489003-Passage&p=8771227&viewfull=1#post8771227


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Best Topical Writer: 143

  2. #2
    The guy below me is gay. Easy.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    569
    Battle Record
    7-9

    Re: FUCK

    One four three....
    I don't really know about this one. My nonconforming nature tells me to like it, to break all ideas about what I previously had about poetry, but the critic me is pointing out what's wrong with this poem.

    The first thing I noticed about this poem is that it has lax to no structure. That's a positive, however, as the situation that you're describing had no structure as well. It matched the chaotic Vibe. It captured a short moment of time. Although, I would have liked to seen more literary elements, but each to their own. This seems pretty personal, so I'll let my critique lay at that.

  3. #3

    Re: FUCK

    Ha! I enjoyed this.

    Very unorthodox formatt but i feel like the contant called for it.
    Nothing really else to say nut cheers on the creativty and balls
    To take a chance. Def feel like you where at the cusp of something
    Really dope. Maybe write more liek this. I feel like u have the skill
    To make it your own. Keep posting
    DamNation

  4. #4
    Landed Emily's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    4,492
    Battle Record
    2-2
    Awards MOTM PC HOF

    Re: FUCK

    Interesting. Looks like 'she' got fucked up. Came a little too close, pushed a little too hard, and got fucked up.
    Of course, with your last line, I could also assume that you're the one that got fucked up.
    "...A light flashes to intervene my tirade barricading death..." Maybe it was her that wanted to end you?
    I'm led to this 'by her stance'. Her pompous walk to and fro, her attitude (you sure know how to pick em lol)
    Obviously she's a strong woman, who speaks her mind.
    and she walk back to my face to match her mouth and nostrils with her anger
    ...DOOZEY! She's on fire!
    Aaaand...iiiiiiit's oooooon! You show anger with pictures. You show conflict with atmosphere. You show resent with tone.
    and she laughs with the disdain of several hungry men outside a Wendy's
    lol Bit of pop culture (if you can call Wendy's that) to show the reality of the situation, and also show us the immense scope of her hungry anger.
    ...and she sidesteps the notion of harm to my person...
    Ah, here we go. She took a step back. Why?
    remembering all the good pussy she wasted in moments of love taken for granted
    That's why. Wasted wax-on/wax-off moments on her back lol. Silly girl. Typical.
    Then the light flash.
    I think it's you that got fucked up, right there and then.

    Interesting piece 143.
    You bring a typical situation of a couple fighting, out of suburbia, and land it in a poetic haven, where the chaos and nasty vibes are just as evident and alive as in your living room.

    Entertaining read 143.

    You always bring something different to the table.
    I love it.
    Last edited by Emily; November 11th, 2015 at 11:02 PM


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


  5. #5
    Banned Rock girl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    396
    Battle Record
    0-1

    Re: FUCK

    Interesting idea for topic, represent someone who messed up.
    it's a good start so far, add more details.

  6. #6
    The Wind Sings TheIllyricist's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    590
    Battle Record
    2-3
    Awards PC HOF PS Season champ

    Re: FUCK

    I like to play with structure from time to time, so I kind of dug what you did with your structuring from that vantage point. However, I don't know if it worked for me. It's balls to the wall, gets to the point and doesn't pull any punches. But sometimes I feel like the true punch to poetry is what you can left unsaid or read in between the lines, ya know? Structuring didn't allow for that. But hell, you got a cool chaotic and angry vibe and the points were made. It's cool to do something different, so don't stop.

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •