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Thread: Freelancer

  1. #1
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Freelancer



    ATROCIOUS; Im left in...
    ..such a delectable taste for things.
    Selectable but not comprehensible. .
    .. to deface what I've seen.

    Subtle- balancing lifes gambles; horrifically
    Lends the helping hand towards freedom but neglects being enticed.
    Her voice succulent like fresh fruits at first bite.
    Tearing the wallpaper of such beauty to replace it with scent.
    Tracing intent and boarding the window of opportunity.
    -Armageddon Is Here

    Her gestures are like old R&B songs...
    Grooving away the tension; the memories jogged.
    Like laying the casket or opening hat tricks,
    Feeding the black kids or a fiend aiding what blackens.
    She is that strong... she has poise in her posture deflating improper.
    Negating the options and proving that instinct
    -is not an imposter.

    Smooth around the edges but chipping from time,
    Her canvas is frivolous with a blank solace.
    Capturing moments that never seems to condone us,
    Explosive; but only when needing a compositional bonus.
    She tends to the opus, painting the sky open...
    ... to show the rapture of fictional components.

    Some say I ramble to the dark and trample the heart,
    But u dont feel what I see as my sight is indelible smarts.
    I scribble these words to mimick the work...
    ... that simpletons can only scribe "The Purist Of Art"
    -im in love with you

  2. #2
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: Freelancer

    omg. Where do I start? I'll start from my favourite bit. The outro. It makes my fingers shake.
    It makes me nervous, it sizzles, that outro.
    It's a beautiful ending to this intelligent, descriptive poem.

    Some say I ramble to the dark and trample the heart,
    But u dont feel what I see as my sight is indelible smarts.
    I scribble these words to mimick the work...
    ... that simpletons can only scribe "The Purist Of Art"
    -im in love with you
    I just melted.
    I even love that you didn't use capitals in the word -im- lol
    It's so plain Jane, so simple, so clean. Undermining itself almost but,
    its the universe. The galaxies. It's everything.
    I love that outro. It's probably one of the most beautiful outro's I've read.
    If not the most beautiful.

    I also like your intro.

    ATROCIOUS; Im left in...
    ..such a delectable taste for things.
    Selectable but not comprehensible. .
    .. to deface what I've seen.
    That's interesting. You got my attention straight away with your first word.
    I also like the way you structured your piece.
    I also like the punctuation. I like the suspense between the lines and verses.
    I like the mood you carry when you talk about 'her'.

    Tearing the wallpaper of such beauty to replace it with scent.
    Tracing intent and boarding the window of opportunity.
    -Armageddon Is Here
    Love it. The imagery in these lines alone is divine.

    She is that strong... she has poise in her posture deflating improper.
    Negating the options and proving that instinct
    -is not an imposter.
    ^^ There's an elegant poetic tone you take on when you write. An air of sophistication breathes
    between the words, even when you have sharp 'p' sounds.

    Explosive; but only when needing a compositional bonus.
    She tends to the opus, painting the sky open...
    ... to show the rapture of fictional components.
    ^^ What can I say, quality wording.

    Alien love.
    Be it from space or earth, love that is not understood, is alien.

    I could keep reading this and feeding it till daylight.

    Great Read.

    Thank you.
    Last edited by Emily; October 19th, 2015 at 09:03 AM

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