Depth By Soul

[whoami]

Depth By Soul

The depth of my soul extends
beyond heights of sanity.
Stranded in quicksand to knees,
I can't stand defeat.

Man, I need to find the Man to please . . .
to save myself from becoming just another catastrophe.

Even the ants can see
that it does not take pansophy
to span the sea in search
of a sacred dance for thee.

Endangered manatees
tease a man's need
to seem dangerous,
but I have seen sages
neglect pages of the cankerous:

A desperate attempt -
a desolate glimpse
into the new ages
of living in mortuaries,
rather splendidly ordinary.

We're mortified.
More than scared, see?
We're horrified whores
graced by this gangrene.

Saved by this same scene,
deranged dreams
allow the fangs to hang, we . . .
elate on dream dates at seascapes
that we made allowing us to escape
the darkness amidst this dreamscape.

[whoami]

Bump. http://www.rapbattles.com/showthread...=1#post8755270

[graf-x]

overall - this was a decent piece here man..

i kind of feel meaning was a little lost due to the focus on the rhyme scheme - & i would have loved to grasped the emotion or energy from a few lines focusing on the imagery aspect

this peticular poem did happen to flow well though - but like i said ideas where everywhere with the focuse being on the rhyme scheme.. still pretty impressive though--

my favorite lines were
Even the ants can see
that it does not take pansophy
to span the sea in search
of a sacred dance for thee.

with that being said. i enjoyed reading this as it was easy to read along with due to the rhyming....... i just wish it had a deeper connection somewhere in it. good drop.

[Emily]

The depth of my soul extends
beyond heights of sanity.
Stranded in quicksand to knees,
I can't stand defeat.

Nice start with this intro. Straight to the point and killing it.

A desperate attempt -
a desolate glimpse
into the new ages
of living in mortuaries,
rather splendidly ordinary.

Another favourite stanza. I like what you're saying here. I really appreciate the irony in the last line.
I think your second last line was really good too.
I like the dark atmosphere you're able to build effortlessly.

Saved by this same scene,
deranged dreams
allow the fangs to hang, we . . .

and there's flow to die for.

elate on dream dates at seascapes
that we made allowing us to escape
the darkness amidst this dreamscape.

and then there's that melodic rhyme.

You've got some really nice rhymes here idealizt, you've also got flow at times, so dense and obvious.
I like it. For me, the quotes I showed were my favourite bits. They were clear and weren't an effort for me to comprehend the meaning and continue the story without breaking my train of thought.
I got slightly off the story line at one point, not sure if it's because im tired now, or because there were too many concepts for me to grasp/interconnect with the rest of the piece. Somewhere my concentration wasn't as focused as what it was when I read the quotes above.
This was still an interesting read. I could imagine this playing in om too. Maybe with a different structure.

Nice read Idealizt.

Keep them coming.

Looking forward to reading more.