Bedside Manner II

[Split 8]

relationship-centric and blue,
men were never meant for the moon.
I could weather a tempest but never the dew-
we prefaced tomorrow's tonight
with an argument. fight. it's better with two,
play bard to the temptress in step to a harrowing tune,
her curves carve like a spine. marvel and swoon.
my hands felt like mallets as she's drenched in darkest undress,
tantamount to such passion is its embargo, removed.
now the apartment's exhumed of every last of Monica's specks,
but the fucking was even more messy than the carpet suggests,
and I thought of her breath, and mine like a bottle
I pressed to the taut of her neck. and I thought of you
coming home with half a mind for forgiveness
but I'm driving you home, indecisive, like sighs into kisses.
and I think that it's hard. to incite a division
so I'm sipping this whiskey. nursing a cliffside demeanor.
as a preface to burning a bi-leafed reliever.
every fire consumes.
I hang from old flames like the notes of a pandering ballad
sung as a tiresome fugue, meant for two,
that I've weighted with sand for a ballast,
and it trails off into two- tangents, unbalanced-
one that you and I knew would never resume

- - - Updated - - -

links:
Maps, Accurate Intellect, One Last Kiss

[Fatrick Swayze]

That second line is transcendent bro. Really enjoyed the braggadocio type of flow
Though the content wasnt really like that i got a good upbeat vibe when i read this

Up

[Jukon]

this was dope. really sick flow and scheme, some rough parts (for me) but i get distracted easily so it could very well be my fault lol. i agree, weirdly enough about the braggadocio flow, however that is not what the content was so thats strange to me. good word choice, the first bar in itself set the tone for what kind of piece this was gonna be. not so much one w/ regret but one thats looking back on past endeavors and the dark reasoning behind it. there's obviously something deeper there, and maybe once i read through a few more times i can grasp it. but as for now, i really liked this. good shit.

[Split 8]

Thank you, friends

[Nigma]

supppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp ppppppppp bro.

intro was dope, bard to a temptress was dope, first half was better than the second half, conclusion seemed inconclusive, but enjoyed this overall. your diction has improved shitloads, and when i say shitloads i mean shitloads from people with loose assholes so you know that the loads of shit in those shitloads are shitloads bigger than average shitloads so big ups on that

[_Lyrics]

Oh bro.. Im not gunna lie this was some real good shit here.. the burning bileaf/old flames line was real and had a nice connection to your actual partner while you sneaking monica in and out lol. That actually built to the best line for me and captured a lot in that bar alone in a very metaphorical way which im all about. The flow was really nice fore the most part im not into this ABAB scheme but i suppose if you throw some nixe internal rhymes to carry it out its fine.

[Influence]

This was really amazing writing. I liked the flow and the way your worded each line. It's like it was strategically and poetically setup and you put a lot of thought into each line before deciding it was worth keeping. I liked the concept. Pretty original. Overall, enjoyed it.

[Zen the Dude]

men were never meant for the moon.
&
now the apartment's exhumed of every last of Monica's specks,
but the fucking was even more messy than the carpet suggests,
&
but I'm driving you home, indecisive, like sighs into kisses.

these were all great, but all together this might be the best I've seen you. even more than your Neighbor post on nc's. i read this when you first posted but i didn't feed it because i'm a douche, but this is still very good. you're cool.

we should collab again, and my bad for not getting to you on that mag shit. life's been hectic.

[Emily]

"...relationship-centric and blue,
men were never meant for the moon.
I could weather a tempest but never the dew-
we prefaced tomorrow's tonight...

I love being propelled into an intro like that.
Furious writing where speed works with it, the words you chose backed the swiftness of the read.
Cool trip I'm on when I read these words.
The poetry in this is sentimental yet, mutilates at the same time, I like that abstract nature.
The rhymes were solid, even though it didn't always rhyme where I expected it too,
the story was captivating enough to not need it imo. In fact, it seemed more organic
the way it is because each sentence is intelligently worded and interesting.
I'm not sure If I've read anything from you before Split 8 but this was a pleasure.
I like the swift nature of it, modern imagery mixed with some delicate wording, spices it up.

Nice, Split 8

Enjoyed this

[Endeva.]

first thing ive read of yours, I think... thought you did a pretty decent job with it, a few places were off, for the flow, might just be my stoned eyes, fuck knows, but yea it was better than I was expecting, not that that means anything haha, shit, i'm off back to the bong... stay up

keep writing bro

...pz

[SELF ACTIVATE]

This piece seemed to slip in and out of greatness. There we definitely times were your language was strong, creative, and captivating (as to was your imagery), equally, however; there were times when I just had no idea what the fuck you were saying and your word choices seemed either rushed or contrived. I think what this piece showed was sporadic moments of brilliance, but what this piece lacked overall was equilibrium...the central idea seemed to be out of whack at times. Then again, somehow, someway, and for some reason, I still enjoyed it nonetheless.

[Split 8]

Thanks guys. Will try and return all feed in due time.