In Life

[Devils_Diamond]

In life i've Been through the Gauntlet, got so bad as to looking for Residue on the Carpet
Been a Few Hardships, lettin go of old Routines is the Hardest!
Life isn't Fair, it's a Bitch..been down n out more times then i Care to Admit!
left me almost on the Brink of Destruction, Ink Is Eruptin' on the Surface of Threads
What's Worse is I've Been Cursed since My Birth and First Breath!
Pressure Situation's have got me Tense and Irritated, Agitated..but so Glad I Made It!
25 Yrs old, and been Burned Inside my Soul, Learned How To Survive By Being Cold
Feeling i'm Losing Control, of everything that i thought i could See n Hold
Just another Young Man, who's seen some fucked up shit throughout his Lifespan
White's Plan was for this to Never Ever Happen, and to be Financially Better than the Average
Not Caring what other's Think Anymore, ever since my Brother's Death i Think I've Matured
But who the fuck know's But God's Mercy!? I'm Found Yearning, to be a Proud Earthling
as i take Careful Steps, not to have Unbearable Consequences, i see my life in Se-quen-ces

[Devils_Diamond]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...Dying-to-Live)
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...Goes-Something

[Venom]

I'm not a big fan of the high syllable count per line. Long bar just isn't my cup of tea. All that said for what it is it was good. I've payed attention despite the bullshit that's been going on in the O.M. and chat's lately. You've really upped the level of writing you been displaying lately...most noteably in the freestyle cypher section. I think if you kept your syllable count per line between 12 and 15 syllables your presentation would be much better and it would come off as a tighter flow overall. I don't know if you are an alias or not but either way you've got some yet to be released potential that you should capitolize on. You remind me on someone i once knew. I'll leave names to the imagination. I enjoyed this though. Stay Up.

[Jukon]

Your multis are pretty good, they could be tighter and string better but with them included it makes this much easier to read. I like this as a vent piece, something you write just to let shit slide off your shoulders. You've improved a good amount since the last time I read something of yours. I do agree with syllable counts, not so much as cutting them down substantially; more so just trying to match all the syllable counts together. You have 1 line with 22 syllables then the following line with 12 syllables. Like I said your multis made it easier to read so it's not something that hindered the piece drastically.

Anyway cool piece, good rant, keep up