Thoughts n Tendencys

[Devils_Diamond]

Thoughts n tendencys

Ive Entered Endeavors in the stormiest Weather
Wheter things will get Better i feel broken n Severed
Second Guessin my First Intention leaves me nervous n Stressin
A Person thats Certain but Questions if hes Learnin his Lesson
All Thoughts of Compassion have been Absolved with a Passion, the Results of my Actions r like opening wounds n Throwing Salt on the Gashes
Regretful Decisions have made my Mentals Diminish As i Let Go of Business thats not Essential to Finish
Due to Fears n Anxiety i Swear on the Inside i Wanna Scream Even though i Appear Secure as Far as the Eye can See
Ive experienced in my life multiple periods of strife
It got to tha point of having to be fearless n fight
Trying to do right id set sail for more grief
And as my tale entails id fail horribly
Morally i was drained n mentally depleted
Been there n back again physically beaten
Pieces of my soul had to under go repair
As i grabbed hold n didnt let go of despair
Tore through the abyss n inched towards sanity
I found myself adrift pulled back down by gravity
Gradually making more hurtful decisions
Destined to fail well thats my personal opinion
Faces around me constantly scheming n plotting
As i take a look at my surroundings n see that im drowning
Doubting my own visions as they become distorted n twisted
Constantly negative than uplifted to over ambitious
Viscious cycle that id like to break if i had the chance
No longer wanting to waste the potential that i have

- - - Updated - - -

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?485019-My-onset-of-offset-mindsets

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?485068-i-used-to-think-before-i-wrote

[Devils_Diamond]

Cmon can I get sum feedback would deeply appreciate it

[Venom]

I like this for the most part. I don't think it's perfect or indicative of a veteran crafting up his magnum opus but that's ok and in no way slights it. We all enter different stages of our writing and when i see someone trying something unique to the rest of the crowd i can nod to that with respect.

The positive:You can rhyme and even got some multi's, slants and half rhymes thrown in there, even if it was unintentional that just means it's coming naturally. Presentation, aside from maybe three lines were great. It's tight knit and that's what i like and personally consider good.

The negative:You get a bit over involved in the rhyming in the sense that it seems to almost completely drive the content of it.
Which also leads to some awkward wording in some places and i also think some of your transitions are a bit shaky. Like transitioning from "Eye can see" on for example for me...was a rough spot. You also has three mighty long and stretched lines that..were a bit rough....although arguably some of your best multi's are in that section funny enough. The best i can say for now until i see a more diverse body of work from you is read around and heed the feedback you get...at least from the ones you can tell without a doubt are being real with you and not just being rude. Thanks for the read. Stay up.
@Devils_Diamond

[Devils_Diamond]

I like this for the most part. I don't think it's perfect or indicative of a veteran crafting up his magnum opus but that's ok and in no way slights it. We all enter different stages of our writing and when i see someone trying something unique to the rest of the crowd i can nod to that with respect.

The positive:You can rhyme and even got some multi's, slants and half rhymes thrown in there, even if it was unintentional that just means it's coming naturally. Presentation, aside from maybe three lines were great. It's tight knit and that's what i like and personally consider good.

The negative:You get a bit over involved in the rhyming in the sense that it seems to almost completely drive the content of it.
Which also leads to some awkward wording in some places and i also think some of your transitions are a bit shaky. Like transitioning from "Eye can see" on for example for me...was a rough spot. You also has three mighty long and stretched lines that..were a bit rough....although arguably some of your best multi's are in that section funny enough. The best i can say for now until i see a more diverse body of work from you is read around and heed the feedback you get...at least from the ones you can tell without a doubt are being real with you and not just being rude. Thanks for the read. Stay up.
@Devils_Diamond

Damn man I cant even express how much your insight meant to me tbh I wrote that in jail n well ya not a very good enviorment one might say. Anyway tysm for the criticism I take it with pleasure. Thanks venom