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Thread: verse to The Man With No Hands.

  1. #1
    Lenox
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    verse to The Man With No Hands.

    Lenox- The Man With No Hands (My Verse).

    (Verse 1) Born as a young chap with ability, physically he was the trinity,
    perfect singular imagery as he fit in with the kids you see,
    He was the king of infantry, but being alone could kill him instantly,
    Never worried about the gold & fame, warm as a desperate woman's body holding shame,
    And always held his ground like soldiers with a cane,
    He could flow through the commotion like potions in ya brain,
    A single child in the womb he told kids he cut out with a knife,
    But running around lifeless he knew was always once trife,
    The father of a blood, mother was a drug, how did he have a good life?
    Ya see, Daniel wasn't well raised but had tight connections,
    Was tired of no money, he wanted snipers, drugs, not life lessons,
    First step, build an empire, next was the priceless injections,
    Game twisted, leader wanted to send him a nice message,
    Daniel walked home one night, saw some men eying, wasn't tempted,
    They walked right up & tried to snap his neck, life almost ended,
    bastards grabbed a knife, took his hands, & sliced off both the edges,



    (Verse 2) Woke from near death, took a fearless breath,
    There was no right hand, then he looked near his left,
    Ears hearing the weary steps of doctors, nurses & his dearest friends,
    He Went home with a clean record, but how could this be?
    All from the power of the devil, he was guided & free,
    All his life he needed someone, but God couldn't be, now he could see,
    Happy with strength & guidance, He & Satan talked for a few,
    The devil said, "Power & your hands in the end I offer you",
    Daniel was was strongly consumed, he answers back "earth I give doom",
    The devil was amused not ever confused with one word he said,
    One week in, & a whole curb of murders dread,
    Blessed Daniel was, his goal was flourishing in the end,
    He was getting weak, devil trapping the young kid?
    In the end he should of remained with God, another rib,
    Another day someone's selling there soul to the devil,
    I'm just wondering which one of them is gonna bid..

    RIP Anonymous...


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Last edited by Venom; February 11th, 2015 at 04:32 PM

  2. #2
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    Re: verse to The Man With No Hands.

    Fast pace story telling. I enjoyed this, the pace is what I appreciate the most.
    So many of the 'best' writers we herald don't know how to finish a story.
    But what they do specialize in is crafting the beginning & middle portions.
    I feel as though your blessing of pace diminished the value of the story.
    It moved so fast, I couldn't appreciate each scene -- but, only the rhymes themselves.

    I would focus on developing a more mechanically tuned story & balance it out with pace.
    This was pretty well thought out though. Thanks for the read, brother.

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