Yep lol... Thanks for thanksgivingOriginally Posted by Harmcity
Yep lol... Thanks for thanksgiving
Mr. Write:
I liked your rhyme scheme and how your flow stayed on topic, usually people can be very choppy with raps jumping from subject to subject but yours is consistent and that's a good thing. I think you need to definitely add some more multi's in your raps though. I also liked your rhyme scheme, not always the same old boring one where each bar consistently rhymes, that's a creative way of putting your thoughts in a topical kind of way. The only weak things here are your lack of multi-syllable rhymes. You gotta have them. It sounds more like poetry to me. And if you could add a bit of punchlines in there too it would be great, maybe some wordplay. It seems you have enough metaphors to begin with anyway. I like the comparisons. Overall, it was an okay verse, not brilliant, but it was okay.
Overall: 4.9/10
Harmcity:
Very similar review to your opponents'. Although I did see that you did something creative by actually having words in each verse rhyme with other words, that's a better rhyme scheme to have. I didn't really like the topic of a farmer's market, I wasn't feeling it. Although I will state again that you do need more multi's and punchlines. I mean, you want to suprise your audience, you want your audience to be like "DAMN!" You want to be more clever and creative with your raps. Although nonetheless your rap was okay. Not the best but it was pretty good. Although I liked you took your time to format it so i'll give you some additional points on neatness.
Overall: 4.5/10
Conclusion: I was feeling Mr. Write's verse more, just because he had more metaphors and had just a slice more of creativity in his rap. It didn't really suprise me, but it was a little bit more superior to Harmcity's. The verses weren't all that, like I said your lack of multi's was really damaging to both of your verses. It sounded really bland.
Bump for votes here @Hooligan @Emilyinthepool @Jukon @Ntalek. @belovedwarlock @trajik @
ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE
This was a landslide from where I'm sitting. Spoken had the better story. The better rhyme scheme. The better wording. I'm usually not into the whole cheesy monster stories. But I vibed with it well and I'm pretty sure it was heavily courtesy of your technical aspects. Other guy, you've got loads of potential. First thing I'd do is clean up your structure. That looks awkward as fuck. Rhyme a little more. This isn't a text battle, so dont put your full focus on the punchline.
Vote spoken of the better read
RenegadeINK
Hooligan + Spoken
VOTE HARMCITY ... WITH BETTER IMAGERY AND STORYTELLING
VOTE HARMCITYThe Rhythm is in Harm's favor, he had way more internals which made it flow constantly.
He had a more cohesive & coherent story. His emotional connection was also better.
SPOKEN ... TRY GIVING THE READER SOMETHING TO LOOK AT.... THIS MIGHT HELP YOU IN THE FUTURE
aka Sorrow: the Broken Wing
Spoken- Spoken had nice bars,The imaginary was decent tho the a a Flow was aight. I was Feeling the emotions in there. The Story catches the Scheme.. Some Lines seems bit off.
Harmcity - The flow was dope, The imaginary was strong and multies were in point. Structure was Good and The wording was ok. Some lines were out i think.
Overall Nice battle, i think Harmcity was more complex and was Good with the Topic
Mvgt - HARMCITY
This is not an acceptable vote.
PLease refer to the FL rules: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...nt-Lines-Rules and read up on the voting section to get a better idea of how an acceptable vote looksl.
3-2 in favor Spoken
So i feel both of you did a good job here. Mr.write had an overall good verse, no segment really stood out. HarmCity on the other hand had a strong opening section, then it stood solid. I actually read both verses multiple times and each time i found harmcitys verse more polarizing. Was it the rhyme scheme maybe, buut it's not like the writers tone or art of language suffered by any means.
Vote harmcity
Spoken
He slept in peace but within reach of the coldest emotions,
It ran deep and within weeks he was lost and corroded.
Awesome
Never too spoken but his thoughts would always run in a daze,
Deep in a coffin he laid, a stain of what can obviously change.
Cool
Mahogany reigns a foot race to a probable case,
Piercing rage that fled the scene once the flames went away.
Night skies would relayed safety parted these days
Huh?
So he gathered all emotions he solely wanted obtained.
Slit wrists for the crave, living in shadows for long
Message to who oppose of what most want to be gone.
Hardly a song it's a medley that plays till the wrong
finally see the strong burn and explode like zeros on bombs.
not following you?
A consensual prog that dilates the rhapsody sung,
Till his eyes bled dry and dormant i.e. left to be hung.
Most are strung and the belief of life after strums fire
To burn the stern thought that amongst us are vampires.
Good visuals
VS.
Harmcity™
..Once A City That Flourished, A Bustling District Where People Awoke Cheerful In The Morning..
..Where All Poverty Was Harnessed, The Streets Filled With Tourists, How Could This So Quickly Be Tarnished..
..No Symptoms Of Carnage, Just A Life Filled Market, Full Of Farmers & Vendors Selling Their Garments..
Awesome
..Artists Constantly Drawing, Beautiful Structures Lined With Garnish, & Bright Lights Illuminated Darkness..
Nice rhyming
.....That Dreadful Morning.....
..A Normal Routine Started, As People Awoke Saying Prayers To Show Respect To Their Dearly Departed..
..This City Has Overcome Struggle, But Nothing Could Prepare Them For This Day, The Hardest..
..A Fleet Of Vehicles Lined The Streets, As Militants Began To Shout At All The Men Women & Children..
..If They Ran They Killed Them, & They Were Overcome With Fear As Soldiers Began Looting Their Buildings..
..Tears Began To Fall As They Executed Civilians, Even The Nicest People Were Now Viewed As Villains..
..For Pain & Agony Slowly Began To Fill Them, & Their Only Expression Was A Show Of Bewilderment..
..The Soldiers Plans Worked Perfect, Not One Left Behind Person , Mirushima Slowly Became Deserted..
..Their Leaders Were Never Nervous, & This Was Only A Drill? But They Demolished A City On Purpose..
..Now Do Me One Favor, Ask Yourself Was It Worth It?..
Nice bars, great imagery and flow
Great battle all around...Harm edged Spoken tho, w great technique
V/Harmcity
Interesting battle, enjoyed both reads good job guys.
Mr Write you had a solid flow and good use of vocabulary, but honestly I'm not completely sure what you were saying with the verse exactly. It was interesting though.
Harmcity you had good imagery and an interesting use of organization in your piece. I found the lines slightly long for the flow, but it worked well enough with your writing to get my vote.
Vote: Harmcity
5-3 win to @Harmcity
Closed
Posting Rules
