Next morning text

[Wordz AhGod.]

I left you..
With the sun..

an image often found in stained glass
With your hair curled against the very sheets
Palms laying heavily over a shadowed past
Dreaming of things I've turned away from seeing

And when I left you..
..with the moon

You danced with the clouds
While consoled by its constellations
your droplets became rain
And the window caged my observation

But when I left you..
..with the spring breeze

The evening bugs illuminated you,
and raised a shrine to your silhouette
You nearly blew away with doubt
Your skin calmed as it outlined you

So when I left you..
..I came back

To watch the sunrise over easy
your toes curl over the cool grass
eyes open for its first moments
And I never left you after that..

[Jukon]

for someone who said they didn't know shit about poetry, this is a pretty solid fucking drop here. I like how you started each stanza. with that little intro line to sort of slide people into the right mood. nohomo.

You danced with the clouds
While consoled by its constellations
your droplets became rain
And the window caged my observation

>>I love the window caged bit. solid. and with such simplistic words, you were able to create a great image.

But when I left you..
..with the spring breeze

The evening bugs illuminated you,
and raised a shrine to your silhouette
You nearly blew away with doubt
Your skin calmed as it outlined you

>>but this part. wow. I just picture lightning bugs and 2 young kinds playing with them. great imagery. its got a kidlike feeling to it. even though I know its a mature piece, it just felt full of youth.

anyway I don't have anything negative to say..really..just except that some of your lines were borderline corny, but it's poetry and its hard to find new ways to be creative with wording. overall..good drop. I enjoyed it. thanks for feeding my piece, figured id reciprocate.

[Wordz AhGod.]

Links
Broken ramblings by Jukon
I thought by 143

[Wordz AhGod.]

Thanks @Jukon I never tried actual poetry before and honestly I'm just bored hear guarding this building on the base right now so it Ave a lot of extra time lol. Appreciate the feedback I lol'd at corny lines bit haha too true.

[Karaoshi]

Welp, for a first-timer you've managed to avoid the biggest pitfall of all: rhyming. Gonna sound weird on a rap site, but most amateur poetry stinks so bad because it rhymes. A lot of the times, just writing without rhyme gives what you're saying weight. So good job on that!

A bit corny, but only the slightest bit considering that you had a lot of killer imagery in there. Also, holy shit, a first timer who writes STRUCTURED poetry?!! Like, with repeated segments to give an overall format????? Now I've seen everything. Fucking good job, it's always with the freeform around here. Admittedly, my stuff as well sometimes, but great to see someone writing something with a structure.

[143]

Good play with this man. Definitely dope for a first drop. It seems that you did some homework before you wrote this, like you looked up styles of writing. I am also guilty of structureless writing but this right here is some deep wording. Taking elements of days and nature and being intricately in love and leaving these aspects of totems that there to comfort just takes this to another level. Overall it's rare that a first timer comes with such a polished piece but it's definitely refreshing. Dope

[Wordz AhGod.]

thank you kindly, I didn't do any actual research really.. I was sitting bored at work and had the free time so I write lol. Never tried poetry before so you guys are doing wonders for my ego right now haha. much appreciated though, seriously.

[Emily]

I loved it.

It's so romantic lol lol. Wordz…You’re so romantic!!! lol
Spill those guts buddy. Poetry bud’ lol.
We’re writers, we place boundaries.
We say ‘I could or couldn’t write this or that.’
I think, of course we could write anything.
But we limit ourselves.
I think you 'could always' write poetry and think poetic thoughts.
I believe that we all have those poetic moments where wonderful
wording comes our way. Fish that get away. Those pearls of moments of perfect thought
fall on smooth minds, as if you weren’t even wording it yourself.
Poetic moments.
I believe we’re all poets first, and then we hone our craft, which ever avenue that may be.

Favourite lines:

an image often found in stained glass
With your hair curled against the very sheets
Palms laying heavily over a shadowed past
Dreaming of things I've turned away from seeing

You danced with the clouds
While consoled by its constellations
your droplets became rain
And the window caged my observation

The evening bugs illuminated you,
and raised a shrine to your silhouette
You nearly blew away with doubt

So when I left you..
..I came back

To watch the sunrise over easy
your toes curl over the cool grass
eyes open for its first moments
And I never left you after that..


That’s pretty much all of it lol.
I think you did a wonderful job, that imagery is great.
I hope you keep writing and dropping poetry.

Beautiful words my friend.

[Wordz AhGod.]

Lol thank you again everyone I forgot I wrote this haha