A Poem for H.E.R.

[your_end]

Its basic truth, I stay with you, you even have been a friend…
And if we died, whenever, I’d go back in time to live again…
To protect your soul, your tha best you know? Im blessed, it shows…
I wish to hold you, kiss your lips and caress you slow…
Your why my flesh and toes, tingle, breathing apart…
Of you, because you’re the beat of my heart…
The needs of my heart, and even when I’ve killed the day…
You’re patient, and kind, and never filled with rage…
Its succeeding I have to start, we’re one whole in two halves apart…
Leaving you? Never will cross your mind, cause you know you have my heart…
I know you’re in me, from the way I flow as dope as big seas…
With power and hope like Oprah Winfrey, I hope you win me…

In closing cases, notice statements, our love has no broken places…
Im focus waitin’ for us to go together like open bracelets and ocean races…


word... and please believe i got some pussy after writing this.. lol

try it... lol peace

[Phantasia]

Okay don't nobody wanna know you hit it, lol! but um yea it was nice and you can tell it was just for whoever you wrote it to because I aint to much feelin it but its still a good peice, yea

[Legendary]

Nice post. You did good with expressing how you feel in it. Pretty good word usage in it. At times I had trouble following it, though. But it was a decent writing.

"Your why my flesh and toes, tingle, breathing apart…
Of you, because you’re the beat of my heart…"

I liked that most out of it. Keep posting them up here.

[your_end]

thanx for tha good critique ya'll, really appreciate it...

and um, because who i wrote this too is on this site..

sorry about the last part... didn't mean it... aight cool... peaceeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[MuhThugga]

I can't help but claim this to be a metaphor to Hip-Hop......

Probably because I've heard Common's "I Used To Love H.E.R." many times.

[Lyricbrutalizer]

that shit was pretty tight nice rhyming

[deacon]

"I know you’re in me, from the way I flow as dope as big seas…
With power and hope like Oprah Winfrey, I hope you win me…"

Why in the world do you put that last line in this. Ruined the whole feeling of it and honestly im suprised you got some after she read it. LOL whatever though if you did its a good reflection on what she's like.

-1-

[Philo]

^^^true.

Other than that good...the very last line was kinda wierd too.
But it was a good love poem.

..and about the end...edit it out man.