Write me a letter

[Laureate]

Write me a letter

Write me a letter to define my ideals.
Can mere symbols sum us up so perfectly?
I feel like…something. Maybe it’s me being
cocky, self-absorbed, and a plethora of complicated
words I haven’t learned yet. But I will. That’s me. A
sponge that soaks up more shit than anything useful
while repelling advice. Maybe I need to be wrung
out and hung up to dry. Let the negatives drip off
me and puddle on the grass. Make mud that the precarious
will get stuck in. Knee deep in unknown forces slowing
progression without the ability of moving forward
until you can find a helping hand to pull you out.
Or you learn to fly.

Write me a sentence to quantify my being.
No return address necessary should I hate the suggestion.
When I’m gone what will be remembered of me? Are
half written poems and scratches on the wood floor from
a restless computer chair the only evidence that will remain?
I strive to stride in the general direction of… that way?
Add those to the questions swirling around in a cauldron
being stirred by empty promises and conclusions lost on
your tongue. Uniqueness is preserved on reservations for
those with writer’s block, but even google can’t help you
find an algorithm to solve individuality. Raindrops meld together
to form a single mass and to be different you must try
to find a way to trickle away before a precise splash
sends you off into the unexpected and unknown. Just
evaporate and try again.

Write me a word to embody my spirit.
Definitions evolve as minds expand. And while you
attempt to quantify the unaccountable or qualify the
ineligible the simple things start to multiply. Even a
gentle breeze can topple barriers if enough stress strains the
foundation and yelling Jenga! is just rude. Thoughts
interact with ideas to form insecurities and doubt, a prelude to
sulked shoulders and floor watching. But a smile leads to
a kind word which foreshadows many long sentences and
suddenly the page has turned. Destiny procrastinates, fate
is napping, and really both would be fine with you finishing
your own story, incoherent as it may be.


Write me a letter that embodies me? Myself? I.

[Laureate]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...he-moon-s-eyes
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...en-star%28s%29

[kokonutz]

this is a nice piece...
feeling the flow of it, use of words... the predicament and unavoidable dilemma so to speak...
thought it was well-written and a good read, can relate to the ever-present reflection

[143]

Dope, first off, I love the progressiveness in the verses. From a broad view to a precise request. You brought a lot of emotion without it being over dramatic in nature. The cussing sets up this genuine feel to this piece. Each verse is drilling home this imagery of seeing a special someone reading this and trying to think of ways to respond to what you are asking and the questions being the needles that sows the emotional plane to the simplicity and transparency your conveying your intentions. I have to say this was a crafty piece that I gotta nominate....

[Emily]

This is cool, and different and so in tune with my thoughts lol.
I love the expressions used, referencing modern tech with salt wounded words, the mesh of that is great imo.
The fact that you laid it out in a raw manner and leave us knowing exactly where you stand is beautiful.
Vulnerable thoughts shine through and make me connect to your words as if they were reflected from my mind.
I like the pace of this poem and those stunning insecurities that glow.

I'd like to quote some of this but I feel exhausted, so I'll come back and quote.

Great read Laureate.

[Emily]

"Maybe it’s me being
cocky, self-absorbed, and a plethora of complicated
words I haven’t learned yet. But I will. That’s me. A
sponge that soaks up more shit than anything useful
while repelling advice...." ---- (Get out of my head)

Seriously though, I love the way you worded that Laureate.

"Make mud that the precarious
will get stuck in. Knee deep in unknown forces slowing
progression without the ability of moving forward
until you can find a helping hand to pull you out.
Or you learn to fly...."

That's lovely. It's like, neglected thoughts, written down, but not cliché.

"When I’m gone what will be remembered of me? Are
half written poems and scratches on the wood floor from
a restless computer chair the only evidence that will remain? "

"Uniqueness is preserved on reservations for
those with writer’s block, but even google can’t help you
find an algorithm to solve individuality...."

"Just
evaporate and try again..."

"Write me a word to embody my spirit..."

"Even a
gentle breeze can topple barriers if enough stress strains the
foundation and yelling Jenga! is just rude..." -- lol. That's great.

" a prelude to
sulked shoulders and floor watching..." -- Imagery. Nice.

"Destiny procrastinates, fate
is napping, and really both would be fine with you finishing
your own story, incoherent as it may be."


This is quality writing.
I like that you have the ability to occupy these viewpoints, and that you're able to connect so well with the reader.

Great work Laureate.

[Oxymoron]

ok man this was solid stuff, loved it. I thought this was a great reflection piece. the letter sentance word progression was great too, getting deeper. Nothing i dont like about it soo i'll just say perspective and word choice was great.

keep doing ya thingy thing.

[Atti]

so, this … it honestly didn't feel like you? if that makes sense. for some reason this reminded me of something in the vein of Sharp. the semi stream of conscious web of simile and playful jabs that show the reader you're aware of his presence. it felt like a piece that you stepped to with a box of tools left over from your heyday, and you just dropped them on the page without your typical finesse.

i don't not like the piece. it's more because i've known you for eight years. so i'm going to feed this two ways. first as if you didn't write it and i stumbled onto it from another writers:

this was a great read. you had a great awareness of your own tone and how it would flow within the readers head. i liked that you took the commonality of word itself and rooted around in the rubble of it's surface to leave a real texture of insight and depth. what i read from this piece was the struggle of an artist, specifically a writer, to create time after to time. to work within a context of deadline and due date with a medium that essentially asks you to leave a piece of yourself open hearted on the page … and then sit there watching people bury it or praise it. personally back in the day i did almost a series of these works exploring the idea of being a writer and what it really meant as a person and an art, beyond the work itself so i could really relate to some of the ideas within the work. the fluency and ride of the piece was very clean. it has stone rolling down a hill vibe for me, where i felt the piece picking up speed and funneling from broader strokes to more focus and concise ideas. overall a great job

and then, i interpret it for you, the guy i've written next to since 04-05:

something about this felt flat to me. you always have extremely intelligent work that is written accessibly which has always been my favorite part about your work. it's almost like you read everyones work on here and it's a lot of flash and smoke and mirror… your works have always just been as is, executed perfectly, and without the fluff. very philosophical feeling works a lot of time. but with this one, i'm not really sure what it was but it didn't hit me as "shit… ben is back." it felt like an after the rust has been kicked, but before you've gone in for polish. i think it may be that while the words varied, as i went stanza to stanza i didn't feel a true progression of your idea. it felt like an overall repetition of the same idea without enough variation to hit it. or maybe i'm just having an off night and my perception of the work is reflecting that. who knows.

overall the piece is great no matter what the standpoint i view it on. but ultimately, it made me slide forward in my seat a little further waiting for you to drop that signature knowledge on us. that throwback Laureate. and i know that's the most fucking obnoxious comment, i know personally it gets old when you hear people say they liked your "old" shit better. this isn't that i was the same old thing… i want the same finesse as then with the here and now spin. this piece felt like an appetizer. it was on the surface a solid offering, but more than anything it left me wanting the real deal laureate styled written offering.

any way you put it we're hyped to have you back man and i'm glad to even see a single sentence from you back in this section. welcome home fam.

[redmammoth]

This was a good piece, felt like a confession or a big 'fuck y'all' to the world. I like how you moved between deep, penetrating verses to simple statements.

[alexnguyen]

If someone could write a letter that embody me, I hope it will come to me soon. I must write a poet for netissa this week but I cant find any way to make it as good as you do. Im from Asian and it take me a number of time to use and learn the vocabulary like you guys have. Someone can teach me a nice lesson "how to write a poet" ?

[Jukon]

The progressiveness between each stanza is dope as fuck. And before I read the entire thing somehow I read only the first lines of each stanza and I'm glad I did that lol. I'm not too familiar with your work so I don't have much to compare this to. I liked it, the story was there and this was clean and felt very well executed.

That’s me. A
sponge that soaks up more shit than anything useful
while repelling advice. Maybe I need to be wrung
out and hung up to dry.
^^probably my favorite part of the first stanza. It's like ur almost being forced to learn and do all these things jus to be left out in the cold. That's what I got..lol

I think the best thing about this was the fluidity and how easy it was to read. I wanted to go a little more in depth but I'm buzzed and just wanted to make sure I fed something before I got too drunk.

Overall I really liked this laureate, it embodied a lot of ideals and you conveyed them perfectly. Good job