My evil side

[alphadog]

Ima give a giggle messin,
im civil with the weapons,
Shootin pigeons is the method,
n listen and ill get it,
ima die a liven legend,
Leave the building wit a vengeance, cuz im spinnin off unquestioned,
a missile launched im threatened, leave my ticking engine for second,
ill regret it a confession tat i say wit progression
She coughs and weezes,
drops t knees
and doss for weeks
she scoffs her meals
and rots her teeth
with lots of sweets
she bolts the streets
in sockless feet
forgot her weed and
clocked up speed
then hocked up green
across her jeans
assaulted teens
and mocked the queen
and flossed between
her salty bean
she opps to scream
because she seemed
distraught with evil thoughts
beneath her torn see through shirt,
i believe this bird released in church brought peace at once,
No white flag hung quite high,
Like blunts,
tight lines, hosts a doves wings and fly's beside a phoenix,
Divine highline dreams with landscapes on the horizon seems peaceful,
Combined handshakes lie idol with tribe people to find equal rights and defy evil
Crying is for weak people,
Find a way to speak equal,
cuz your climbing a steep steeple,
and when you reach the peak you'll speak feeble,
your freedom weakens,
the diesel you were sucking before is now leaking,
and all the deceitful and evilness is more frequent,
more treatment you begin seeking,, you ignore the deep end,
depression kicks in and the shores begin receding,
and for no reason you've been beaten and still haven't reached your achievement,
but i have a disagreement,
were ever your distant dream went, follow it, stop wobbling and believe it, cuz deep down there's a human being that's decent,
problem is fluent speakers chooses who defeats us
but who knew a noob's speech would leave you speechless,
i glow blue and spew warm ooze like ink from an octopus
and swarm through your whole precinct wearing horned boxing gloves
a worn hockey puck you forgot to duck
when warned a flock of ducks
Has jusr flown down your oesophagus
when i dropped the hook
plucking feathers nah
Hock EM UP!!

[ILLunatic]

ATTENTION alphadog,

This automated notification is a friendly reminder for you to provide (2) links to other member submissions that you left adequate feedback to.

[OG Maestro]

Yo, this was pretty cool son.

Your rhymes are better than most people here but at the same time, you have to structure your bars for people that don't know your intended flow. So, make sure it's laid out real nice. Looks may not be everything but they promote the first impression on a reader.
& the lasting impression they develop during the read.

Favorite line:

Combined handshakes lie idol with tribe people to find equal rights and defy evil

I just wish throughout your piece you were more expansive with your vocabulary. I feel like more words at your disposable would really aid you in your lyrical initiative.

[alphadog]

Bumpin

[Oxymoron]

Divine highline dreams with landscapes on the horizon seems peaceful,
Combined handshakes lie idol with tribe people to find equal rights and defy evil

I liked these two lines the best. @alphadog . This was an all good read, my only problem again is how you structure your verses, I mean there isnt too much wrong with it. Do what you like to be honest. But, i feel like youre missing out on a lot of control you have over how the reader interprets your work with puntuiation, and i think you should use that to your advantage to instill an even stronger message. Other than that, keep working on your messages, i feel like they could be stronger, which probably just comes down to exploring vocab, but other than that, it feels like this would flow all good, just need to see more puntuation and verse structure.


Stay dropping though