Self

[Rilla]

Don't do this much but had the sudden urge to write..




Can't trust anyone cause they haven't given me a reason,
And my love's so lost I'm stuck with mentally cheatin,
I put a act on and clash through witherin seasons,
These fuckin cowards.. might just be my inner demons,
To me they just heathens breathin but not sayin shit,
Speakin my mind seem to make these motherfucker's brains split,
I might be outta line but life's the game I've been playin with,
If I didn't go through hell and back, I'd of end up that same bitch,
I've ate fists and aimed clips, now I raise kids to try and make amends,
My mother struggled like I struggle to not be my father in the end,
Now I walk with a conscious to let nobody in,
And I talk with a caution so that nobody wins,
Spinning through masquerades that flash and amaze people,
Stuck in a phase that everyone plays out to be evil,
Been blind to the love and now it looks so lethal,
A flame burns so bright but it's surrounded by diesel,
Had some feeble attempts for a peaceful state of mind,
Only time i got a voice is when im chasin these rhymes,
Now I wish I could just grip and strip the hands of time,
But it's just me against the world so fuck the world and it's kind




Links:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ccolo-ft-Nigma http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...482325-X-Rated

[ILLunatic]

ATTENTION Rilla,

This automated notification is a friendly reminder for you to provide (2) links to other member submissions that you left adequate feedback to.

[Emily]

This is awesome Rilla. You've got a talent that's for sure.
You word yourself fluidly and honestly (I don't mean its honest, I mean it 'sounds' honest),
'cause at the end of the day, unless people know you personally, readers don't know what's true
and what's not. That's one of the marks of great writer in my opinion. The fact that you are saying all of this
and you're able to project the emotion of it to the audience, in that colourful way, with shading, giving it depth,
does brilliant stuff for the imagery, atmosphere, and story line.
Lets talk rhymes.....you've got some cool rhymes happening in this piece. I notice that you rhyme mainly at the end
of a bar, I might have missed some more scattered but if I did they weren't strong, didn't stand out much, but I reckon
since you're naturally gifted at this, you should chuck some of those rhymes internally, get some multi's happening also
and watch the spring happen with a little more gutso. Not that this piece doesn't have guts now. You get my drift yeah?
Flow...sweet as. Sweet, sweet flow. Like I said when I started, fluid, smooth, so yeah, sweet. Very nice indeed.

Cool intro:

"Can't trust anyone cause they haven't given me a reason,
And my love's so lost I'm stuck with mentally cheatin..."

Great concept.

I know I wanted to say something else but it's gone now. If I remember it I'll come back.
Till then, you should drop more often.
Cause you're good.

Good stuff Rilla.

Cool read.

[KnowP]

My mother struggled like I struggle to not be my father in the end,
Now I walk with a conscious to let nobody in,
And I talk with a caution so that nobody wins,

damn this was a hard bar!!

Had some feeble attempts for a peaceful state of mind,
Only time i got a voice is when im chasin these rhymes,
Now I wish I could just grip and strip the hands of time,
But it's just me against the world so fuck the world and it's kind

smooth ass ending right here


overall man, this was a good flex piece or freestyle of sorts. some really good bars to finish it off. i'd watch out for broken multi's that hurt your flow and detour the reader. but other than that, you stayed on topics, kept the tempo and didnt look back. look foward to readin more from you my brutha. glad you ventured over from FL. stay a while lmao