Here Goes Something

[whitesmoke96]

Straight esoteric truth coming at you from the darkest angle of the zodiac.
So I expect a degree of hate from those that aren't ready for this...
This is for the educated and foremost for those not blinded by the bullshit.
But to all y'all illiterates, I suggest you crack open the books.
Shit's about to go over yo' heads.
Here goes.


B-B-BEAST MODE, Whatever I feel, goes.
Endeavors I seek though
only seemingly accomplished by pompous Negroes!
I reap these roles...knowledge I free-throw
with golden gauntlets given forth by flawless people.
These folk belong to philo-sophies strongly suggested,
not attested, though messages often suggestive.
Caught in the mess of what is normal and what's progressive,
I represent what's next, yes, I brought progression!
It's reflective in my stylish, righteous reflection..
tis why I profess in admittance this is MY profession!
I'd like to mention - I'm reppin' what'll stop oppression:
the lesser of necessary evils,
scary to people who want redemption.
But fuck them. We fuck them because we love them
then leave them in the past and act like we're above them
it's a, bitter hate we reals use to filter fakes, fuck them!
this I'll reiterate til it's easy to say it's became a custom.

To this day, age, and name I've became accustomed
but if they stage wack crazes, I'll make adjustments.
If you see the average maverick as a useless sheep
you're bound to see through two's and three's what I had just meant.
Jim Carrey couldn't shake the shakes after that number touched him
but who's to blame? for they'll obviously claim "we never touched him".
he's going Shikaka caca, nutty cuz his buddy Kimmel won't speak of them.
Few can show how humans like Truman know; this info isn't fo' the sudden-
faint of heart when faced with parts of life that are, to say the least, dark.
It's an ancient art; to walk among evil and stay the least dark.
Keep in thought through praise, reinforcement we're forced to see sparks
of inspiration to further take us in directions felt needed for us to take part
so let's break off; become our own individualized system;
distance ourselves from their old spiritual lies that've been conditioned
into our society from religion to media leading to subliminal conviction;
obliterate the bullshit and proliferate the blasphemous to give advantage to our positions..

...then we'll get somewhere.

links will be provided soon as I got em. PCE!

[Truth Iscariot]

White it's good to see you posting again. I thought this was fire. Loved the Rhyme Scheme and the brisk flow of the whole piece. It's a breathe of fresh air to have some one so much more rapper than poet drop in OM on this level. I felt there was a clear focus and strong consistent voice throughout the piece.

Good shit right here.

[A Disciple]

@whitesmoke96 Are you a wu-tang fan, just curious... just the intro reminded me of old inspektah deck (spelling is off probably)... It's a serious hot flow but the racial reference made me cringe (though it might make you popular it takes away from a great piece in my opinion cause it is subject to like a mitigation or debate). The first verse compared to the second is like night and day... I'd like to see the same style in two as in one... I think that first verse was straight fire. (My opinion though)

[whitesmoke96]

ahaha awe shucks I actually feel missed, esp after reading your piece, Truth, about how hiphop has changed. I'm more than likely to feed on that since I'm on the same page (or for the most part cuz I didn't read the whole thing, I was merely skimming). I actually see myself dropping audio and making something of myself, that's why I left this site for a bit. Yea the poetry is nice but srsly WTF!? The fucking site's name is Rap Battles! Imo open mic should've been monitored more closely so it actually stuck to the basis of being rap. It's one thing to focus on poetry but HipHop is STREET poetry, y'all need reminding of that. Also I needed to remind myself so I kept in mind keeping that approach to this rap shit so I didn't fall off and become another unrecognized poet.

and disciple, first I must state it was NOT in any way, shape or form, an attack on blacks. I worded it as "pompous negroes" because I meant that the only people who get top-notch notice as the biggest contributors to hiphop are black and have a larger than life image to who they are. so it isn't so much who they are but more what they represent. yes it may be subject to mitigation, but the debate is what i was looking for. I knew from the start it was gonna stir up some fillins but I'm the type to explain myself with a well-mannered intellect so this works in my favor. And, no, I'm not a fan of wu tang. It isn't that I don't like them, it's just that when I got into hiphop in the beginning and I listened to more gangster oriented rap, i couldn't get into the grimey feel of the east coast. it was way easier for me to listen to the westcoast so I leaned toward that side. as for the night and day contrast, this was meant as well because...idk in my head I started like i was going in on a cypher. but the second verse i was going in again after going in, like i reached the darker and deeper side of my style. though lyrics wise it does look like the style changed, this isn't the case. i tie it in in my delivery which of course can't be seen over typed or written word so this take on it is understandable.

here's one feed link: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...Goes-Something

also, if someone deciphers all the carrey references, call me on it haha i wanna know if it went over your heads or if you caught them all and what I'm talking about.

[Zen the Dude]

If I'm being entirely honest, I really wasn't feeling this at all. Not trying to be a dick, but this really wasn't impressive to me. There were allot of rhymes, yes, but none of the lines were interesting. What I'm trying to say is that whenever I read a work and I'm impressed by it, there's usually a few standout lines that I look back on and wish that I wrote that shit, ya dig? With this piece here though, I really didn't get that. Maybe I'm wrong, who knows? I'll check out your next shit and give my opinion there. Peace, man.

[Devils_Diamond]

This was very good imo flow was average would of liked to see it flow better but not a big deal. Vocab was good didnt see anything wrong in that department. Imagery was ok creativity was pretty good too id like to see more stuff by you tbh u got talent the proof is in the pudding so good read. N keep writing

[whitesmoke96]

last link: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...9-Masturbating

Zen: what was the point of commenting if youre gonna state an opinion without supporting it? really you aint said shit so might as well have kept it to yourself. this wasnt to appease the great zen the dude ahah so why would you come at it like it was supposed to impress you? and the fact it didnt shows you dont know what to look for in a good rhyme. shit went over your head. stop looking down on others like there isnt anyone better and youll appreciate the message in this piece. and youre not wrong cuz all you did was say how you reacted to it.

DevilsDiamond: yea i see my general flow needs improvement but that's because i wrote this sober which is something i dont normally do. imagery wasnt something i was aiming for, it was meant more so to speak to the reader and really bridge the gap between the mentality i have and others. thank you for acknowledging talent but i dont need that. i know i am, im past needing to be told that. what i need is people to really appreciate the deeper aspects of the mentality that goes into my writing. but people will only pick up what their level of consciousness is ready to comprehend so it is easy to see how a lot of what i incorporated into this was missed. also i would like to add that you should really follow up your beginning sentences better cuz you started off with saying this was very good but afterwards it came across as you saw it as average. mixed messages is all.

anyway thanks everyone for taking the time to read and critique. i always look at and am grateful for the responses i get, no matter the mediocrity of the thoughts put into them.

[Venom]

There is some good in this and some bad. I think overall more good than bad and i'll point that out first. You are good with the repeating sounds(assonance) and taking like sounding words and bending them to fit the next scheme and that's certainly not a novice skill set in writing to have. I guess to be clear what i liked about this the most was what i recieved through technical rhyme execution and less so for the griping story or message it may or may not have been meant to have. I think you could have put in a bit more effort to make something more cohesive for the reader and had something to say other than the stereotypical thing all rappers have to say which is..I'm better then all them...i'm different than the avarage sheep....if there is a fad i won't go along with the crowd i'll make the adjustments to be different etc etc. I don't know just a bit generic on that note to me. This is not to say i've never wrote similar stuff...believe me i have. Just giving my opinion and advice is all. You seem to have a foundation for internals but i do think you could supply a more dense supply of them as well as multi syllable rhymes. It's not that they were absent but more scarce. Lastly, the long ass lines...that is to say extreme syllable count. If i counted right(may not have but still close to it) the last line was 26 syllables long man....that's overkill. Long bar. I hate long bar. Just my preference though. In my opinion something within the confines of 12-15 syllables per line allows for a far more tight knit and better presented verse. I enjoyed it though. Stay Up. Stay Writing. Peace.

[Zen the Dude]

sigh....

B-B-BEAST MODE, Whatever I feel, goes.
^^seriously? Do I really need to tell you why this is bad? I hope not.
Endeavors I seek though
^^Put “the” in the front. Just saying “Endeavors I seek though” makes you sound fucking retarded. Really, "though" sounds dumb there, too, but if I told you everything dumb thing about this painfully basic piece of shit I'd be here all fucking night.
only seemingly accomplished by pompous Negroes!
^^and this makes you seem like Jim Crow. A little piece of advice if you’re trying to rap, don’t call the creators of the art “pompous Negroes”.
I reap these roles...knowledge I free-throw
^^what the fuck does this even mean?
with golden gauntlets given forth by flawless people.
^^you free-throw knowledge with golden gauntlets given forth by flawless people? That’s one of the dumbest statements I’ve ever heard. I don’t know much about free-throwing knowledge, but the last thing I’d want when attempting a regular free-throw would be ten-pound golden gauntlets on my hands. EVEN IF they were given to me by flawless people. And I know what you mean by free-throwing knowledge, you give it for free blah blah blah, but how the fuck does golden gauntlets help you get the knowledge out?
These folk belong to philo-sophies strongly suggested,
^^WHAT PHILOSOPHIES???? RELIGION? POLITICS? ALL OF THE ABOVE? AND WHAT THE FUCK DO THESE PHILOSOPHIES SUGGESTED HAVE TO DO WITH FREE THROWS AND GOLDEN GAUNTLETS?? FOR CHRISSAKES SON WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING?
not attested, though messages often suggestive.
Caught in the mess of what is normal and what's progressive,
^^Holy shit. A line that makes sense. Hmm…
I represent what's next, yes, I brought progression!
^^And you bring it back down with this gay shit.
It's reflective in my stylish, righteous reflection..
^^……………………………………………………………………………………….no. What does your style have to do with progression?
tis why I profess in admittance this is MY profession!
^^Who are you? Chaucer? TIS? TIS!??? And how the fuck does your stylish, righteous reflection
I'd like to mention - I'm reppin' what'll stop oppression:
^^You may be doing that, and if you are I commend you for it. BUT if your writing is any indication of what you represent, it is clearly mediocrity and there’s plenty of that as it is.
the lesser of necessary evils,
scary to people who want redemption.
^^What is the lesser of necessary evils? You're just saying stupid shit every line and expect me to just nod along like a fucking sheep, a.k.a. the exact thing you are apparently advocating against?
But fuck them. We fuck them because we love them
^^u wot m8?
then leave them in the past and act like we're above them
^^so we’d just continue being just like the people before us, maintaining a false sense of superiority over the people we just “fucked”?
it's a, bitter hate we reals use to filter fakes, fuck them!
^^oy
this I'll reiterate til it's easy to say it's became a custom.
^^cringeworthy.

To this day, age, and name I've became accustomed
but if they stage wack crazes, I'll make adjustments.
If you see the average maverick as a useless sheep
you're bound to see through two's and three's what I had just meant.
Jim Carrey couldn't shake the shakes after that number touched him
but who's to blame? for they'll obviously claim "we never touched him".
he's going Shikaka caca, nutty cuz his buddy Kimmel won't speak of them.
Few can show how humans like Truman know; this info isn't fo' the sudden-
faint of heart when faced with parts of life that are, to say the least, dark.
It's an ancient art; to walk among evil and stay the least dark.
Keep in thought through praise, reinforcement we're forced to see sparks
of inspiration to further take us in directions felt needed for us to take part
so let's break off; become our own individualized system;
^^Okay, now you’re trying to become all philosophical after waaaay too many Jim Carrey references (lol Canadians) and the clichéd “I’m awesome, you’re not” verse. Seriously? And what the fuck does individualized systems mean? Did you think out this philosophy that you are pushing for, or were you just like, “this will work here considering it’s terrible like every other line before it”? Yeah, don’t answer that. I already know.
distance ourselves from their old spiritual lies that've been conditioned
^^I agree, and that worries me because you’re a fucking idiot.
into our society from religion to media leading to subliminal conviction;
^^Conviction is a stupid word to put there. Submission is much better, but I don’t know how to spot a good rhyme, DO I!?!?
obliterate the bullshit and proliferate the blasphemous to give advantage to our positions..
^^Proliferate? Really? When you say proliferate it kinda makes you sound like a pompous negro.
...then we'll get somewhere.
^^Go grab those golden gauntlets given forth by flawless people and fuck your stylish, righteous self right in the fucking ass for wanting me to break this shit down. Did I really need to break it down to tell you why this fucking sucked? Seriously?

You asked for it, there you go. You’re terrible. Why no one else here will tell you the same, I do not know. For one, your voice is forced as fuck. None of this seems natural. Say it out loud, seriously. It sounds really fucking retarded. None of it is creative, especially not the painfully stupid Carrey references you felt the need to shove in our faces like it was the greatest god damn idea EVER. Literally none percent of this seemed like it was written by someone moderately intelligent. The rare moments where you said something that made sense, you followed it up with shit that had nothing to do with anything you just said. I give this a .6/10. Don't write anymore.

Peace.

[whitesmoke96]

this has to be the funniest damn hate comment I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing. looks like a struck a nerve in asking you to elaborate on a pointless comment. Would definitely have preferred this awesome response but seems I wouldnt have gotten it without asking seeing as how you took it in some sort of offensive way... LMFAO I almost rather read your hating than my own writing. Keep it up man I nominate you as my one and only cheerleader, you're all I need to keep going! Like I said earlier, people will only comprehend what their level of consciousness is ready to grasp. This is evidence of "what I had just meant" oh, did I shove that reference in your face like all the jim carrey references? Funny how you're the only one reacted that way, maybe it's because you can't stand the fact you don't get the message. Yes it makes sense, and you're the only one who didn't get it.....and I'M the retard?? i guess my biggest mistake was assuming an intelligent audience...coming from the dude who thinks something that is created isnt creative? anything that is a creation shows creativity. i could break down every line of this piece and show you the intelligence behind it but i feel like id be wasting my time. you'd have gotten it if you were meant to. however i will break down a particular part just so you understand that im not a monkey scribbling on a wall with a crayon as you tried so hard to prove (which only made you look like an immature twatnugget who can't take being called on minimal effort on providing feedback)

"you're bound to see through two's and three's what I had just meant.
Jim Carrey couldn't shake the shakes after that number touched him
but who's to blame? for they'll obviously claim "we never touched him".
he's going Shikaka caca, nutty cuz his buddy Kimmel won't speak of them.
Few can show how humans like Truman know; this info isn't fo' the sudden-"

first of all, my two's and three's reference is directed to numerology; 2 representing duality and how we see everything as different degrees of the same thing classified by the extremes of each side. (an example would be how in politics we have communism on one side as an extreme and on the other we have fascism) and the 3 represents a couple things: the illuminati, holy trinity, the third eye...but what i meant for the most part was how we understand that we play a crucial role to the existence of duality. by realizing we are the mediator between the polar opposites we see that it is actually a three way relationship we have with the universe and therefore we transcend duality.

putting two and three beside each other you might be able to see it forms the number 23 which is a reference to the movie he plays in as a character that goes crazy by finding that number, and in this case these numbers, behind everything he looks at.

shikaka is the name of the bat he is sent to rescue in one of the ace ventura movies, so shikaka caca means he is literally going batshit nuts.

the kimmel reference was towards the appearance Jim had on the jimmy kimmel show where he decided to expose the reality of the illuminutty to the endearing audience. however much he tries to get kimmel to say something you can see the fear in kimmel cuz he doesnt have the balls that carrey has to speak out on it.

lastly i used his previous role as Truman, from the truman show, to put into perspective of how the select few in today's society can see past the orchestrations going around them to keep them in a state of financial and spiritual slavery.

literally all I'm taking as productive criticism from you is what you said about it having a forced voice. im usually pree high when i write and this i did completely sober. so im thinking i need to either get better at writing sober or stick to writing 'inspired' haha

on a personal note I strongly suggest you consider a different name or crawl back up to your mountain top and find your center again....someone that's supposedly "Zen" would not have a hairtrigger temper like yours.

Please and I mean pleaaaassseeee feed on my future pieces.

[Venom]

Welcome to Rap Battles.

- - - Updated - - -

Sigh

[Fatrick Swayze]

this has to be the funniest damn hate comment I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing. looks like a struck a nerve in asking you to elaborate on a pointless comment. Would definitely have preferred this awesome response but seems I wouldnt have gotten it without asking seeing as how you took it in some sort of offensive way... LMFAO I almost rather read your hating than my own writing. Keep it up man I nominate you as my one and only cheerleader, you're all I need to keep going! Like I said earlier, people will only comprehend what their level of consciousness is ready to grasp. This is evidence of "what I had just meant" oh, did I shove that reference in your face like all the jim carrey references? Funny how you're the only one reacted that way, maybe it's because you can't stand the fact you don't get the message. Yes it makes sense, and you're the only one who didn't get it.....and I'M the retard?? i guess my biggest mistake was assuming an intelligent audience...coming from the dude who thinks something that is created isnt creative? anything that is a creation shows creativity. i could break down every line of this piece and show you the intelligence behind it but i feel like id be wasting my time. you'd have gotten it if you were meant to. however i will break down a particular part just so you understand that im not a monkey scribbling on a wall with a crayon as you tried so hard to prove (which only made you look like an immature twatnugget who can't take being called on minimal effort on providing feedback)

"you're bound to see through two's and three's what I had just meant.
Jim Carrey couldn't shake the shakes after that number touched him
but who's to blame? for they'll obviously claim "we never touched him".
he's going Shikaka caca, nutty cuz his buddy Kimmel won't speak of them.
Few can show how humans like Truman know; this info isn't fo' the sudden-"

first of all, my two's and three's reference is directed to numerology; 2 representing duality and how we see everything as different degrees of the same thing classified by the extremes of each side. (an example would be how in politics we have communism on one side as an extreme and on the other we have fascism) and the 3 represents a couple things: the illuminati, holy trinity, the third eye...but what i meant for the most part was how we understand that we play a crucial role to the existence of duality. by realizing we are the mediator between the polar opposites we see that it is actually a three way relationship we have with the universe and therefore we transcend duality.

putting two and three beside each other you might be able to see it forms the number 23 which is a reference to the movie he plays in as a character that goes crazy by finding that number, and in this case these numbers, behind everything he looks at.

shikaka is the name of the bat he is sent to rescue in one of the ace ventura movies, so shikaka caca means he is literally going batshit nuts.

the kimmel reference was towards the appearance Jim had on the jimmy kimmel show where he decided to expose the reality of the illuminutty to the endearing audience. however much he tries to get kimmel to say something you can see the fear in kimmel cuz he doesnt have the balls that carrey has to speak out on it.

lastly i used his previous role as Truman, from the truman show, to put into perspective of how the select few in today's society can see past the orchestrations going around them to keep them in a state of financial and spiritual slavery.

literally all I'm taking as productive criticism from you is what you said about it having a forced voice. im usually pree high when i write and this i did completely sober. so im thinking i need to either get better at writing sober or stick to writing 'inspired' haha

on a personal note I strongly suggest you consider a different name or crawl back up to your mountain top and find your center again....someone that's supposedly "Zen" would not have a hairtrigger temper like yours.

Please and I mean pleaaaassseeee feed on my future pieces.

so where is this you talking about?

all I see here is words rhyming, and I beleive I read you used progression
like 3 times if I remember correctly. wack. also, I honestly feel like your explanation
is much better than anything you wrote lol. no hate man im sure your a good
writer. but this feels like something from 10 years ago whwn people just rhymed
as much as they could and people thought thst was dope. now a days we need substance brah
abd this drop is all surface no depth. I feel like your words didnt live up to your
overall idea. or at least thats what im getting from your explanation.

keep posting. ..fuck that guy zen tho.

[dkoy88]

This was just OK. .. Most of the rhyming seems congested and forced. .. Like you have to hold each end of the bar just to maintain to the flow, it lacks cadence more than anything. As far as the content goes it was pretty basic, the punch lines didn't hit well even the one your deeply explained want executed well. Not very many people could decipher a random Jimmy Kimmel episode and other things not because it's over my head I just don't watch Jimmy Kimmel and even with that being said, there were so many random parts to that it sounded forced. Thus was definitely more of a rant piece than anything Philo - sophical by doing breaks like that you make it sound forced you should be able to adjust your rhyme set for readers, we don't hear your beat so the writing itself has to create the tempo. Either way this was just ok... Keep writing.

[whitesmoke96]

you're trippin fatt, i only used progression once. the line before it i used progressive to further define the line between traditional rap and new school. but ill keep in mind to have more substance. this was practically a flew piece just to get me back into rhyming. i fell off for a bit, if i kept up with it this wouldve been put together better. ill come back with something that showcases my skills a little more. just keep an eye out for my next drop, prolly wont be long til i post again.

and dkoy i agree with most of what you said, this was forced but it had to be to get myself back into it. if i left it to feeling inspired i wouldnt be back on the RB forum. i dont watch the kimmel show either, i found that video because im deeply interested in the governing elite and how we can loosen their grasp on us and in the long run the whole world. i dont expect people to get it off the hop but i was hoping i could get the audience interested in finding it for themselves...so that's something i need find a more successful approach to.

thanks y'all for your input. next drop will be more natural and fluid

- - - Updated - - -

this was practically a flew piece just to get me back into rhyming.

woops, I meant flex. Had to clarify so that made sense. Dont want it to look like I meant flow because that's obviously not the case.

[Zen the Dude]

lol