Little snot

[_Lyrics]

Red ballons are tied tightly
Around a vendors cart
Pushed by a zen master
In the middle of a carnival

A boy walks up with his mother
Tugging on her blouse
Ordering her persistently
To buy him a ballon

She tries but couldn't deny
The mom pays the man
And the misbehaving boy
Reaches out in satisfaction

As the string touches
his fidgeting fingertips
The ballon bursts with a bang
Underneath is a whisper

"Importance is not what you have
It's who
And appreciation is not who you are
but what"

[ILLunatic]

ATTENTION _Lyrics,

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[Emily]

And the lesson is learnt, hopefully. lol
Nice, Lyrics.
lol @ the title btw.

When I read your work I look forward to that clean cut wording of yours.
I like the fact that you don't overdose on rhymes, or vocab, or showy ways.
And yet the msg is always crystal. The piece is refined. Polished and different to all other writers.
Uniquely your own. And that's what I love about certain writers, they 'own' their style, and stay true to it.
I'm sure that's not the only way you write. I'm sure you've got a million surprises up your sleeve, but when I see that style of yours, it's got your signature all over it.

"...A boy walks up with his mother
Tugging on her blouse..." --- good imagery. reflecting the actions of little children, simply and believably.

"...And the misbehaving boy
Reaches out in satisfaction

As the string touches
his fidgeting fingertips..." --- helping the imagery with simple descriptions, giving us a HD view of his little hand.
I especially like the part..."string touches his fidgeting fingertips" lol, yep, I can see it very clearly as if it's in slow-mo.

"The ballon bursts with a bang (balloon, typo, no biggie)
Underneath is a whisper-------love this line.

"Importance is not what you have
It's who
And appreciation is not who you are
but what"

How beautiful that it ended with this quote.
I really appreciated the imagery in this piece, and the story line was as pure as a virgin island.

I think you are the zen master, and poetry is your carnival.

I like it a lot.

Nice style.

: )

[Mach3]

I liked this, but, it kind of tailed off for me towards the end with your message. I was really enjoying the simplicity of the images and it seemed quite vivid for me, which is impressive considering the sparseness of the wording. Less is more, in this case. But I think that concept, 'less is more,' actually sort of affects this poem negatively.

Maybe it's just me, and I'm not dissing because I REALLY liked this poem....up until the last line of the 2nd last stanza. In my opinion, the addition of the actual MESSAGE itself, in quotations, detracts from the message, because it makes things too obvious and kind of pushes it in your face, if that makes sense. I feel like this would have been stronger if you just implied the ending, which you were already on the way to doing anyways. Like, if the kid's complaining for the balloon, and bugging his mom, and then he gets it and it explodes in his hands - the irony of that even already portrays the message, so there's no need to have it 'whispered.'

That's just my opinion though, and maybe something to think about, but otherwise, I really really liked this.

[_Lyrics]

I do agree that the irony portrays the message, but I'm sorry that actually projectinh the message defeated the purpose of the poem for you, most of my zen poetry doesn't have the message drawn out like this, but it is also meant for everyone, and I realize not everyone can draw those deep underlying messages with what I give. This is the purpose of the pop and the
Thank you both for your feedback

[Valor]

This was odd. The ending caught me totally off guard. The image of a balloon whispering words of wisdom.. is something.. unheard of.. to say the least, lol.

[Letterman]

I liked this. Great imagery, first off. From the opening like you painted a picture that's stayed in my head throughout the entire poem. The message that I got from it was good too. I haven't seen any other poems from you but I really enjoyed this read.