Family Circle

[143]

Family Circles

It seems the stream of life becomes the cream of strife
Feeding these demon types who are breathing fights
I'm shielding the fiends that like to transform into menaces
Not realizing that Mom's face behind bottles are grimacing
So these bombs race, combine throttles into apologetic pleas
Watching the roots become lethargically weak, dislodging knees
Topple the steed, grounding the rampage, halting the fleeing
Redirecting the infection, stopping the exulting, demeaning
Retooled to a skill set not common to a field vet, enter sweat
And binges into splintered sex and demented regrets
Better yet, when my Mom escapes, I'm raped by fate
Some bathing apes with blood ties tried to displace my grapes
Felt that these roots needed a new soil, shot 6 times....
Plot that dimes drop cop lines that cop ties stop 6 guys
Who would believe that in the mist of all this grief
These bald Zangeif types persist to inflict without relief....

The circle continues without pause, destroying opportunity's venues
And it doesn't support the fathoming thoughts on how this continues
Like it's bred in the sinew that displays a menu to defy logic
Becoming comical in the phonics that contort actions with bionics
I'm only a superhero when the world is right.....
Fighting the curvature of our state is like day swirled with night
Hot being in the presence of cold, strong being weak
I walk......trying to repair these broken fleeing feet
Breaking the concrete from this repetition of deception
Reflecting the conception of decriminalizing our partitioned
Unifying these static inhibitions from it's dissension
Hoping for the family life this field vet has envisioned........

And I will love that stream of life.....

[ILLunatic]

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[143]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...=1#post8561037
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...=1#post8561044

[143]

Sleeping....

[Elvis Freshley]

So... it's not very often that things go completely over my head. Not to sound conceded but I tend to at least partially grasp things.

That being said, one of two things happened here, either your piece went WAY over my head... or it just didn't make sense man.

Each individual line was good, but put them all together and there's (to me at least) no story here. It's a collection of thoughts, some of them relate to other but ultimately they stand on their own. It was just cluttered and sort of bored me. Like I said it could have very well just gone over my head though.

[OG Maestro]

So... it's not very often that things go completely over my head. Not to sound conceded but I tend to at least partially grasp things.

That being said, one of two things happened here, either your piece went WAY over my head... or it just didn't make sense man.

Each individual line was good, but put them all together and there's (to me at least) no story here. It's a collection of thoughts, some of them relate to other but ultimately they stand on their own. It was just cluttered and sort of bored me. Like I said it could have very well just gone over my head though.

In my honest & humble as possible opinion, 143 has 4 components about his writing that STICK out like a sore thumb.

-Stellar Vocab
-Frequent Cases of Boring Content
-A Plethora of Abstractness
-Occasional Moments of Nonsensical English Grammar

One, you're bored.
Two, the abstract details are going against your literal mindset and are going over your head.

It's the author's playground when you read an abstract piece. You have to try to maneuver the playground.

This OM is about how his family circle is fucked up & he's trying to complete the circle, wishing it would be easy.
But in every degree of the circle there's some shit in it. Drug abuse, drug distribution, alcohol abuse, conflict, etc.
I actually LIKE this OM, 143. Probably the 4th best I've seen from you.