Mr. Black & Witty - The Friendship Song

[Witty]

Craftily crafted rhymes got my soul crashing, and half the time
These passively drafted lines are affably cast, resigned
To the fact that amnesty has tragically past, it died
Leaving just vanity, and a people with apathy's stamp behind
We angrily rant to pass the time, relying on reality, as defined
By tactically flaccid minds, an attack of the rancid kind
Callously passing by objection, rapidly casting dye
Placing things in groups that don't have to be, that's the lie.
-
blacketh, the camera shy: laughing hard, compassionate mastermind
dancing like hammer time. rock solid smoking crack with Amanda Bynes
have a line. walk the far side - your jaw to the curb
bite down or die. a line between the two is awfully blurred
you have a single goal. your road is often deterred
preaching to people far too exhausted to learn
let the monsters observe while rockstars are marketed first
there's darkness in words. our novel just another coffin to burn
-
The harshest of verbs got readers distraught and concerned
Armed with the words to leave the hardest artist's heart in a hearse
Starting to curse, fuck fuck FUCK, repetitive, guarded.....perturbed
Twisted from sipping rum, bitches come and I leave 'em broken in shards
Got 'em grieving yo, I need a hoe like I need a hole in the heart
Drop that needle bro, I'll rock that ether flow from the start
A seasoned pro, this is art...each page has a sculpture inside it
'til it's picked apart by vultures, derided by a culture divided
-
we're supposed to be quiet. take a bow. hold for the silence
on the road to enlightenment - if you'd loan me a license
insociable tyrant. ruling emperor of nobody island
psychosis, the psychic. aka medium. like prose to a typist
disposable wiseman. take it or leave it, i married a priestess
kept her locked inside a cage and fed her berries and peaches
locate your weakness just to air it out like terrible secrets
what's a pair of new sneakers worth if you're a paraplegic?

[ILLunatic]

ATTENTION Witty.,

2 Feedback Links Required: Must give quality, detailed feedback to two other user submissions in this forum.

This is a reminder -- make sure that adequate feedback is given. We like to give quality feedback here, so that other members are given the critique they deserve. It's about everyone, not just you. Your post will be removed if you fail to comply.

[Witty]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...ked-you-better

[Genocide]

very dope
congratulations @Blacketh and @Witty

[Baron Mynd]

It flows well, I just think the pauses with the commas and the lines then finishing after the fact is a bit odd.

Not really feeling that style.

It's cool from a purely technical standpoint, but there's something about it content wise that just doesn't sit well with me.

It doesn't "read" well for want of a better term.

It makes it feel sloppy and all over the place, even though I can obviously see what you're doing mechanics wise, it's not for me.

Blacketh was blacketh though and did well not to try and veer too far out of his comfort zone to match Witty.

His style is unmistakably his, bar maybe his first line where he tried to ride out what Witty had left him on, from there out he stuck to what he does well.

[Baron Mynd]

WTF @ this centered post faggotry? GTFOH

SMH

[Witty]

It flows well, I just think the pauses with the commas and the lines then finishing after the fact is a bit odd.

Not really feeling that style.

It's not a style...it's called correct punctuation, my friend.

[Baron Mynd]

Then why does each line start with a capital letter, even when the sentence isn't finished?


Great going grammar nazi.

[Witty]

Then why does each line start with a capital letter, even when the sentence isn't finished?


Great going grammar nazi.

Because that's what my phone automatically does.

That doesn't take away from the fact that the punctuation is correctly used.

[Baron Mynd]

Black >>>>>>>>>

[Witty]

I agree.

I am better than you tho.

[Baron Mynd]

which is why you champed the last major topical tourney to go down online, and i went out in the first round- OH WAIT

[Witty]

Lmao too easy.

Thanks for the feed bro!

Edit: I didn't go out in the first round btw, it was the second...I got beat by the best tho (the guy i wrote this with) who also ended up in the finals, so I have no complaints.

[Mr. Black]

Is this not the friendship thread?

Jesus guys

[Witty]

Baron knows I love him, and while I talk shit I am quietly taking his advice on board.