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Thread: The Wings Of A Dove

  1. #1
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    The Wings Of A Dove

    The Wings of A Dove.




    We know right from birth that we've been cursed to die,
    so why on earth do we cry when the hearse goes by?


    Sobriety....the factory settings of man, the default, the prototype
    But to him it was like a corroded light, colder than a frozen night
    All that existed was pain, and every second he lived was inane
    But one sniff of the 'caine, and he was different....deranged
    He knew no simple refrain, add a sip of liquor and a spliff to the brain
    It was like his mind would split, and he'd go into a different domain
    And I just lived with the shame, worry pounding on my miserable brain
    His addiction is my jail and his prison's the same, I wish his liver would drain
    And save him from himself, give him a new life and let him live it again
    But his fight slips by the day, he's getting thin, with gout in his digital vein
    He fidgets, complains, his sober mind finds the world glib and profane
    He wants to live in a world where nothing that exists is mundane
    And so he medicates, dedicates his time to trying to elevate his mind
    The drugs that he does help him meditate, unwind, and levitate
    He tells me he will never break, but his binges are getting longer,
    They used to last a couple of days....last time it was 11 straight.

    When he first looked at me, the love was clear in his eyes
    Now as I stare into them, all I can see is fear of demise


    Sitting alone in my bed, letting these thoughts roam in my head
    Beholden to dread, the fear sets in to my bones and it spreads
    As the tears flow, where did the years go?
    The love disappears as the regret and the fears grow
    As I picture him out there, drugged up to his eyeballs
    While staring at a picture of a dove up on the drywall
    He used to be my shining knight, the light in the darkness
    The most childish, retarded, jokes...we'd delight in regardless
    Disarming the fright, making me smile through the harshest of nights
    Even if it was starless, the fire inside him would spark and ignite
    Our love would shine and we'd bathe our hearts in the light
    This love was blind, our sight taken from our troubled minds
    But trouble finds a way to recover time...
    ....and now I pay for another's crime.

    If he had just told me it would be like this, I couldn't complain
    Why can't he love me like the stuff he puts in his veins?


    He has moved on to harder drugs, heroin and things of the sort
    I ask him the simplest of questions, and he can't think to retort
    He just curls up in a ball, as his world unfurls, crumbles, and falls
    All he is, is a little baby, as he tries to walk, struggles, and crawls
    I hate this hate that awaits to break, but his weakness is pitiful
    He knows he can always come to me to speak when he's miserable
    But he locks it inside himself, blocks it, denies the help
    My heart cries and melts, when I see what life has dealt
    We didn't deserve these cards that were played, scars never fade
    They just continue to grow ever darker then harden with age
    discarded, enraged, living in hardship...the heart of an artist encased
    In a cathartic embrace, the love from when this started, departed, erased
    Brushed under the carpet, a waste, my heart is guarded and chaste
    As I look into his eyes, lethargic and spaced...muscles fade from his bones
    I'd pray for his soul, but my faith has faded, this place is gray..and it's cold.

    *6 months later*

    I'm still trying to figure out how to live without my life's love
    I whimper, shout, kick and pout, 'til I see the wings of a white dove
    Like the one on the wall I would stare at, and admire the shine
    Of the silky smooth wing, as deep inside the fire declines
    The symbol of peace, my man did not follow the footprints of the beast
    He was taken by a life full of sin and deceit, killed from the heat
    All he ever sought was a simple retreat, scared of admitting defeat
    He had to escape, he had no choice, this world drove him mad...
    ...he would break, if he stayed too long, he had the travelers fate
    He couldn't live in a savage society, it damaged him quietly
    I just wish his blatant pain didn't make the same languish inside of me


    All he wanted was peace, and all he needed was to escape from this zoo
    He had to fly away on the wings of the dove...I just wish he had taken me too

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  2. #2
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: The Wings Of A Dove

    Nice one Witty. This has been slept on. I gotta dash but I'll come back to it later.
    That picture is insane btw. Stunning.

  3. #3
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: The Wings Of A Dove

    Witty, this has flow that I love, an easy to read, cool story line and great imagery.

    Your intro:…

    ‘We know right from birth that we've been cursed to die,
    so why on earth do we cry when the hearse goes by?’

    …opens up the story nicely, letting the audience ponder your question and reflect on something normal,
    yet incredibly sad and hard to deal with.

    That first stanza was friggen awesome! I loved it. I appreciate the detailed description you have.
    You let us know every little inch of his situation without over doing it or under playing it. It seems
    Real and heart felt which is important for a written piece. If you feel the honesty, so can we.
    We read and often wonder if stories are true or not, and that’s just one of the marks of a great writer, when the reader is left ‘mentally touched’ because of your piece, wondering if it’s true.

    It’s not hard to see the ‘off the rails’ situation this guy is in, when it’s depicted step by step like this.
    You have so much information jam packed in this stanza and that’s gold for imagery.
    Internals are going off, hitting not missing the mark. Rhymes are great. I love them because
    You’re not just filling up a page with anything that rhymes, even though the sound of the
    Rhyme stays the same for quite a while, I don’t tire of it, because the content kicks ass and the
    words show knowledge and skill. Btw, ‘gout in his digital vein’…awesome.

    The second stanza finds you reflecting on ‘what was’ in a sensitive way.
    Reliving the good old days and saddened that the love is now replaced by regret and fear.
    You take us to the very cool picture with the dove and tell us about how
    a shining knight turned into a junkie. And you do this well because you reminisce
    the whole way through.

    ‘If he had just told me it would be like this, I couldn't complain
    Why can't he love me like the stuff he puts in his veins?’

    …This is beautiful vulnerability on show for the world to see your insecure jealousy over a
    drug being loved more than you.

    The third stanza. The rhyme and flow continue as does the description of his
    decline, poetically balanced with images of hardship and mental blocks.

    ‘As I look into his eyes, lethargic and spaced...muscles fade from his bones
    I'd pray for his soul, but my faith has faded, this place is gray..and it's cold.’

    The last stanza cements the outcome of his downhill path after six months.
    You wrapped it all up, with respect to him.
    Your outro shines. It leaves me with a heavyhearted, mournful feeling knowing
    you wish he had taken you too.

    ‘All he wanted was peace, and all he needed was to escape from this zoo
    He had to fly away on the wings of the dove...I just wish he had taken me too.’

    Witty, I loved reading this. It was a pleasure to read from start to finish.
    I thought your timing was spot on.
    You were definitely in the right headspace all the way through and imo set
    a very believable scene with well flavoured atmosphere helping the content
    come alive.

    Look forward to more from you Witty.

    Great read.
    Last edited by Emily; July 2nd, 2014 at 12:38 AM

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