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Thread: Product of the Past

  1. #1
    The Legend KnowP's Avatar
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    Product of the Past












    Hustling all day and night, glocks with loaded clips n sights
    crips will fight, but we hold rags like the homeless do
    home’s a zoo, where gorillas aren’t animals doing what they’re told to do
    beasts of the streets that claim territory, live till we’re barely forty
    never get caught with them bags cause the little homies carry for me
    hail the glory or growing up poor, survive in chaos and uproar
    where shopping is life or death, grocery aisles are like gun stores

    and what for?

    Cause we were deprived of being a team, or living the dream
    Waiting to be nurtured with worth self esteem yet given the cream
    No fathers taught us to ride bikes, check books are non existent
    Why learn to read and write when grammar is a prison sentence
    Kids demented, going to school was viewed as torture to many
    Where death in streets and hoodies were norms, we’re born to be Kenny
    Sworn in by many, the un-written code of the innocent militants
    Only architecture we’re involved in are moving blocks like little kids
    Instead of catching foul balls it was court cases and syphilis
    From the sicknesses of breathing in mold, the projects hidden curses
    we understood a woman’s worth from what we stole from their purses
    blaming us is the easiest task when you’ve never had eat from trash
    next time you see a banger on the set, know he’s a product of anothers past




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  3. #3
    The Shepherd
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    Re: Product of the Past

    Why learn to read and write when grammar is a prison sentence
    nice

    kenny line could use some polishing... connection was meh
    womans worth/purses was cool... a few others too... concpets sprinkled throughout were tied in well except for the kenny line imo... in pieces like this when people try to conceptualize things they dont really tie in very well and are scatter brained... however you tied in stuff very nicely. Good drop

    RTF: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...-and-Vulgar%29

  4. #4
    Kami no kotoba. Wordz AhGod.'s Avatar
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    Re: Product of the Past

    I fucks with this, shit was actually dope.. when I first started reading I wasn't feeling it but about 3 lines down it started hitting me what you was going for. nice drop homie, liking the metaphors used here.
    カミノコトバ

  5. #5
    The Legend KnowP's Avatar
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    Re: Product of the Past

    word thanks for the feed back. and i will rtf asap.

    something told me to leave that Kenny line out lmao

  6. #6
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    Re: Product of the Past

    best line... didn't see Para had quoted it too

    Why learn to read and write when grammar is a prison sentence
    man, as a whole I liked this, but you could have focused more on the transitional rhymes, some have one, meshing the 2 rhymes together, and then some bars end a scheme, then the next line starts afresh... only a small criticism, but I think the switching should always be seamless... as for the topic, yea, for me it worked, id say a strong point of yours, that and wording

    so yea m8, nice drop

    ...........pz
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  7. #7
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    Re: Product of the Past

    what happened to checkin mine?

    lazy twat lol
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  8. #8
    Brian! Welcome to WalMart
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    Re: Product of the Past

    Liked this. Didn't have any weak points in to to me, all though it was a slow start for me. I don't know, good shit.

  9. #9
    Xtermnation Xtraordinaire Genocide's Avatar
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    Re: Product of the Past

    this opened up really dope
    second half lacked for me. enjoyed it as a whole though.

  10. #10
    I'll have the gabagool Fresh's Avatar
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    Re: Product of the Past

    Cool read here.. Alot of imagery and metaphors which helped paint your portrait here, so good shit on that. I have 2 lines that stood out to me:

    Why learn to read and write when grammar is a prison sentence

    and

    we understood a woman’s worth from what we stole from their purses

    I think my complaint is the rhyme scheme, it was very basic and didn't add to piece much. I also feel like the last bar was rushed and you were trying to get it done, because 1. missing a word, and 2. It wasn't worded very nicely it just came off as rushed. So it didn't close off the piece as nicely as I would have liked it too. But all in all good drop, I enjoyed the read.

  11. #11
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: Product of the Past

    KnowP, this was very cool. Confident with your wording and it came across as that.
    I like the rhymes you had and technically you pumped it with some metaphors which was cool.
    The imagery was also spot on, good job on conveying the concept to the reader so well.
    You had some great flow happening KnowP, I love a little bit of music in the words, sweet stuff.
    You had some awesome bars that I don't have time to copy and paste, but I might come back to it and do that
    later today.
    I think that this piece was really good, but I was just a tad let down by your last bar. Your outro didn't do it for me.
    The word 'task' seemed far away from the last word 'past' and for me it didn't gel which was such a bloody shame because
    I wanted it to finish with a bang. The whole piece was full on and then I fell slightly flat. I think I might have said to you before
    that you have such a strong sense of self when you write. It flows, good imagery, internals and so on, bang, bang, bang, all good,
    and then right at the end...anti climax with the rhyme. Give me that killer line that you've got there, but make it rhyme KnowP.
    I want to hear that sweet music of your words right up until the last drop.
    Still, kick ass piece KnowP.
    Keep them coming.
    Loving it.

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