To whom it may cncern

[Venom]

oh look what we had cuz, instead of all this sadness
I'm just glad cuz we had each others mindly madness
And you didn't mind my habits, you realigned my spine
When we made love on the mattress
You embraced my theatrics, we equate to passion
Opposites attracted, oh how we've laughed hun
Now its been zapped from, us and thrown me into spasms
Now can you imagine, our two kids strong reactions
If they knew we've moved on when we got shit to improve on
That would be so tragic, to think that your gone
I'd lose it and snap quick, delusions on Acid
I refuse to lose to those antics, I choose you
Please understand this, I don't wanna lose you
Without you I'd go right into the planet
Know I will never take forgranted, my soul is so damaged
But with deep wounds you can still try to bandage
Truck on like a pair of bandits, staring at the canyons

[thatdudeB]

Not bad. Nothing new on the the "Story" part. But decent enough to male me finish. Length helped to be honest. Like nothing stood out, but nothing where I was like "Stop reading." Solid I guess.

[Emily]

This is full, jam packed, to the brim, right up, over flowing, with emotion.

check it, nice intro:

"oh look what we had cuz, instead of all this sadness
I'm just glad cuz we had each others mindly madness"

Wtf does that mean? lol. Who cares? It sounds good.
Then you skip to...

"And you didn't mind my habits, you realigned my spine
When we made love on the mattress
You embraced my theatrics, we equate to passion
Opposites attracted..."

...which was cool imo.
But then you followed it up with ..."oh how we've laughed hun" ...to me, I don't know, didn't do it.

"Now its been zapped from, us and thrown me into spasms ---- I want to put the comma after the word 'us'
Now can you imagine, our two kids strong reactions
If they knew we've moved on when we got shit to improve on
That would be so tragic, to think that your gone..."

That's great honest emotion which the reader connects too. Good job.

"...I'd lose it and snap quick, delusions on Acid
I refuse to lose to those antics, I choose you
Please understand this, I don't wanna lose you..." ---How honest is that? Gut wrenching. Love it.

"...Without you I'd go right into the planet
Know I will never take forgranted, my soul is so damaged..." ---oh boy. that's beautiful.
'for granted' needs a space btw.

"...But with deep wounds you can still try to bandage
Truck on like a pair of bandits, staring at the canyons..."

Bonnie and Clyde are on your side.

This was a very cool drop Venom. Sorry I missed it.
It's got honesty you can feel and rhymes. Good times.

Good read.

[143]

I like this. Concentrated emotions with quaint jabs of technability. The story telling was fluid as the flow and despite it's brevity, you opened this color palate by playing of these emotions you wrote about in a order so I could not only follow but place myself within them. Overall Good verse with great storytelling.

[Genocide]

This was cool. Kind of on the lines of what I'm aboujt to drop as far as relations go and some saddness or trials and tribulations that could arise of a relationship. Had some choppy areas where I wasn't sure what you were doing with the breaks and the way you ended and started your lines. As a whole I enjoyed it though. Thanks 1

Peep "my favorite fucking fling". ..holla

[Elvis Freshley]

It was "real" that's pretty obvious. I could tell you actually cared about what you were writing. And although it was a relatively basic piece, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. You don't have to use a ton of big words, you don't have to make people think you're smart just to write a good piece. When people think you're talking down to them, they're less likely to relate/connect (and thus enjoy) your writing. I'd try to advance the depth just a little bit. But keep doing your thing.