The Philosophy Of Everything and Nothing

[PatricBernier]

There's flaws to be- recognized in your philosophy
Im just saying that your lieing through a lot of teeth
Oddities, ostracized-praise the monstrosities
Whats sad is their commonly, reffered to as comedy
..Please dont follow them, I think you oughta follow me

Thoughts held hostage, conciouse is vomit
Society is cautious- cause' society is locked in
Dollar in my pocket so society is awesome
Bored and I wanna get high, im slothin'
So-I-go-to-where-Javon-is-and-play-Sonic-till-im-nodding-
Out, like my cock is, but only when im bossin'
Thats another story I can show you what lockjaw is

But the flaw is-philosophies' is rotten
Whats wrong is, you havent even checked the diagnostics
Stop it, I was born a prophet
Everbody pledge allegiance to the-false-flag-of-fucking-nonsense
At least do it for the Vietnam vets
Iraqi war- my dad was involved with
Militairy practices, bombs, I aint havin it
Wake up every night to the light, miss my dad and shit

Cold sweats, panickin', medicine cabinet
Poppin' people's pills im a veteran at it!
Plastered, Mr. Master Disaster
The only catch is... I'm a veteran addict
90 day chip, Earl Sweat(shirt) can have it

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...OP-pushin-Keys
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...5716-Waterhole
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...f-Alone-Remix)
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...isted-untitled

[Narrator]

Hate to be breif but im on my phone and on my way to work but I just wanted to return the feed (which I always do) this was great, flow was impeccable and the hints of humor really stood out in making me as a reader comfortable and allowed me the ability to really connect with the piece, r.I.p. to your dad bro, and he's honored by thousands.. trust. My only thing would be to proofread your spelling because when you spell a word wrong (which absolutely all of us do at one time or another) it gives the piece a hiccup because as I reader I stop to try to figure out what word you were trying to spell and that hurts the piece as a full vs. Just being able to glide through the piece from start to finish. I really enjoyed this though, truly. Thanks for the read

[PatricBernier]

Hate to be breif but im on my phone and on my way to work but I just wanted to return the feed (which I always do) this was great, flow was impeccable and the hints of humor really stood out in making me as a reader comfortable and allowed me the ability to really connect with the piece, r.I.p. to your dad bro, and he's honored by thousands.. trust. My only thing would be to proofread your spelling because when you spell a word wrong (which absolutely all of us do at one time or another) it gives the piece a hiccup because as I reader I stop to try to figure out what word you were trying to spell and that hurts the piece as a full vs. Just being able to glide through the piece from start to finish. I really enjoyed this though, truly. Thanks for the read

I must have made the wrong impression, my dad is still alive (:
I was referring to when I was a kid and missed him when he was in another country.. He has told me a lot about Ied's and bombs and stuff.

Thanks for your review, it means a lot that you took the time

[PureEnergy]

Pretty deep and poetic. Some of your stanzas seemed scattered and disjointed, but I like it. We must definitely give much props to war veterans. Even though a lot soldiers who do come home get a hero's welcome I definitely think more could be done for soldiers who fought in previous wars like Vietnam and Desert Storm. Much props, bruh. Btw, I did like a lot of use of multies and metaphors.

[whitesmoke96]

first paragraph came across poetically, more so in the 3rd line than in the rest because the rhymes are wound so tight. the usage of the words comedy and commonly has been done to death, I advise going over a lot of words in your rhyming vocab and make sure if you're going to use a recycled word, you focus on an original delivery. it was quite obvious when the emotions were starting b/c of the cursing. if you don't refraining from using those words it pulls people out of the poetic mindstate and are thrown off. after reading, the most noticeable area where you could improve is the transitions; between multis, between lines and between paragraphs. stay inspired yo

[PatricBernier]

first paragraph came across poetically, more so in the 3rd line than in the rest because the rhymes are wound so tight. the usage of the words comedy and commonly has been done to death, I advise going over a lot of words in your rhyming vocab and make sure if you're going to use a recycled word, you focus on an original delivery. it was quite obvious when the emotions were starting b/c of the cursing. if you don't refraining from using those words it pulls people out of the poetic mindstate and are thrown off. after reading, the most noticeable area where you could improve is the transitions; between multis, between lines and between paragraphs. stay inspired yo

I see what your saying, but I dont understand where you got death in this part.. "Oddities, ostracized-praise the monstrosities
Whats sad is their commonly, reffered to as comedy"

My definition: People who are known as odd in the industry get exluded/shunned -while the majority of mainstream music followers "praise the monstrosities", the sad part is, they are always getting laughed at.

This text was tooken straight from a written (to a beat), and then re-edited.
The transitions were on point in my opinion, just because I wrote it intentionally over a beat, I really should have specified- it would change your perception on it maybe. And i suppose these are texts, so they are supposed to be acapella
But I do appreciate your viewpoint, thanks man!

[PatricBernier]

Pretty deep and poetic. Some of your stanzas seemed scattered and disjointed, but I like it. We must definitely give much props to war veterans. Even though a lot soldiers who do come home get a hero's welcome I definitely think more could be done for soldiers who fought in previous wars like Vietnam and Desert Storm. Much props, bruh. Btw, I did like a lot of use of multies and metaphors.

Thank you man

[whitesmoke96]

I didn't mean I pulled Death from what you wrote, I was just using a hyperbole to exaggerate how many times commonly and comedy were rhymed by everyone

[PatricBernier]

Sorry but bump.
;p

[KnowP]

came pretty fresh in the opener. i dug the intro entirely. and then it felt you strayed a bit and begun this rant of a freestyle, which was layered with some sick multi's. had u stuck to the concept in its entirety, i think this would have been an overall dope read. but the transitions didnt flow well imo. u def got the talent bro. lookin foward to the next piece.

[Android]

There's flaws to be- recognized in your philosophy
Im just saying that your lieing through a lot of teeth
Oddities, ostracized-praise the monstrosities
Whats sad is their commonly, reffered to as comedy
..Please dont follow them, I think you oughta follow me

Thoughts held hostage, conciouse is vomit
Society is cautious- cause' society is locked in
Dollar in my pocket so society is awesome
Bored and I wanna get high, im slothin'
So-I-go-to-where-Javon-is-and-play-Sonic-till-im-nodding-
Out, like my cock is, but only when im bossin'
Thats another story I can show you what lockjaw is

But the flaw is-philosophies' is rotten
Whats wrong is, you havent even checked the diagnostics
Stop it, I was born a prophet
Everbody pledge allegiance to the-false-flag-of-fucking-nonsense
At least do it for the Vietnam vets
Iraqi war- my dad was involved with
Militairy practices, bombs, I aint havin it
Wake up every night to the light, miss my dad and shit

Cold sweats, panickin', medicine cabinet
Poppin' people's pills im a veteran at it!
Plastered, Mr. Master Disaster
The only catch is... I'm a veteran addict
90 day chip, Earl Sweat(shirt) can have it

Overall I liked it, nice multi's and vocab. However that second stanza seems so out of place in my opinion. My favourite was the second to last though, that false flag line was nice, had good imagery and emotion. I liked this anyway it just seemed a little random at times, I hope to read more from you. Sorry for the short feed, sleepy. (Might come back and edit more in) Stay up.

[PatricBernier]

came pretty fresh in the opener. i dug the intro entirely. and then it felt you strayed a bit and begun this rant of a freestyle, which was layered with some sick multi's. had u stuck to the concept in its entirety, i think this would have been an overall dope read. but the transitions didnt flow well imo. u def got the talent bro. lookin foward to the next piece.

Hey thanks a lot man.
That is valuable information ; I sometimes forget how to stay on topic or formulate a meaningfull story, its always been my weakness as far as the writing process. appreciate it always

[PatricBernier]

Overall I liked it, nice multi's and vocab. However that second stanza seems so out of place in my opinion. My favourite was the second to last though, that false flag line was nice, had good imagery and emotion. I liked this anyway it just seemed a little random at times, I hope to read more from you. Sorry for the short feed, sleepy. (Might come back and edit more in) Stay up.

multi's are my specialty to an extent.
I have a issue with staying on topic, always getting better tho. Thanks much

[Zen the Dude]

Someone said there was a problem with the flow but I didn't see one at all. It flowed nicely.

The wording in my opinion was the problem. No line here "wowed" me, and no line sucked. It was just consistent. The best part is that this appears genuine and based on your own experiences so I can't comment on the content. This was cool though it was just missing something. Keep dropping.

[PatricBernier]

Someone said there was a problem with the flow but I didn't see one at all. It flowed nicely.

The wording in my opinion was the problem. No line here "wowed" me, and no line sucked. It was just consistent. The best part is that this appears genuine and based on your own experiences so I can't comment on the content. This was cool though it was just missing something. Keep dropping.

Thank you man