Soldier's Only

[Narrator]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...OP-pushin-Keys
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...s-Love-Letters
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...-Luminous-Curs
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...nts-The-Battle




R.I.P. this is in memory of Johnny "blaze" Haze, Sammy "big dog" Watson, and my brother from different mother Jesse "Mc'Scoots" McCalister.


it was cold and wretched. war takes a toll on a man; makes him look old and decrepit
on your toes every second, never knowing when to depend on a soldiers defences.
many have fallen into a mode of depression with no control of their senses,
numbness consumes them till all their emotions unfold and are rendered defenseless
killing machines; autonomous confections. military brutes; no calming consensus..
this is an ode to the "unknown groups", for I will never forget them...
i owe it to these youth's to compile the truths of my fallen brethren. 

HOORAH!!!!.. to our blessed saviour,... ah'men.



I was barely twenty the first time i met with my troops and leiutenent. 
i remember his first 22 words, he told us " you're all fuckin useless, forget it.
i bet half of your asses wont last, you're all just too stupid; pathetic".
Started to laugh & ended up doing some pushups (been there fewer than seconds)
the men ive met were proven to be the best, extended from fort lewis to texas
reports excluded the facts that most who eluded iraq were simply rejected.
for those elected stepped into a unity, somewhat like a family connection
gratuity expressed one to another, to me it was truly beauty's reflection.


from the first day i stepped in that aluminum hanger my views became stranger
I concluded that this was due to all the confusion and unusual danger
asked myself is it delusions or is this their usual behaviour; it's incluclusive to date.
shamelessness fueled by anger & hate (imagine satanists rebuking your saviour)
caught in a rumination, it became illuminated that I'd be digging some graves here
i swear still to this day i can say i never knew a group of men any braver. 
this was the same year i made my final decision to try my eyes at a sniper position
with a rifle i had stifling precision, could take out a guy within a mile of distance
but that was only in training, to be be perfectly honest i was anxious to kill a man
would i get a thrill from the act? or reveal the fact im just too human for that?
weeks later there was a sudden attack, me & two guys eating lunch in the back
unaware i left my gun in the camp, i started running, almost had a panic attack
tbh my hearts never raced in such a way where i thought it would expose it's self
felt like the valley of the shadow of death, (just with no god on the road to help)
when i stepped to the edge of the mountain top I fumbled to set up the mount & prop
never accounted for the many thoughts i would think about until the time I shot..


I let off with persistence & didnt stop for an instant. seen him drop in the distance
blood splattered the ground, like how boston did after they were crossing the finish
hopping in trenches, holding on for dear life with a gun cocked in my clenched fist, 
surely a sight. emotion: intense, instilling some fright yet almost a sense of delight 
reminicing is a funny thing, it brings back many potent dreams of motionless nights
writing letters to lovers as we hold in the cries, & hope that we might go home alive
condolences to the never knowing bride who buried her groom before the baby arrived
and all those grave sites, with no names to equally place all ranks alike, side by side
if we didnt fight, we'd no longer be the home of the brave, but the home of the slaves
so i never feel bad about the terrorist pain or the fact I cant remember how many ive slain
there's more to gain with protective our land than your simple ears can recieve,
i laugh at the threads in the disccusion board and chyeeaahh's conspiricy schemes
open your mind you might see more than a cloak & disguise pulled over your eyes
unrelenting raw emotions broken down, focused & potently placed in these line
in time ill break down intimate ties between our military government & political bribes, 
but for now all i can say is now matter HOW MANY IT TAKES!! these states are my family...

...and i kill for mine.



  

[zonez]

I'd like to start of by saying thank you for your service and commitment to keeping this country free. As well would like to thank you for posting this, this is a fantastic piece. This flowed so well till the last couple bars which kinda lost me after being so enthralled in the story. You may have originally posted this on another site? Regardless this is probably the most solid OM entry I've read and I am nominating this for the HOF.

[PatricBernier]

on your toes every second, never knowing when to depend on a soldiers defences.
many have fallen into a mode of depression with no control of their senses,

I was barely twenty the first time i met with my troops and leiutenent.
i remember his first 22 words, he told us " you're all fuckin useless, forget it.
i bet half of your asses wont last, you're all just too stupid; pathetic".
Started to laugh & ended up doing some pushups (been there fewer than seconds)
the men ive met were proven to be the best, extended from fort lewis to texas


^^so fucking sick man, I love your rhyme schemes alot and their so sick, and basically my type of emcee-ism. super intelligent and nice structure. Its crazy, my dad was in the militairy for 22 years and we lived in Fort Lewis and Killeen Texas due to moving.

let off with persistence & didnt stop for an instant. seen him drop in the distance
blood splattered the ground, like how boston did after they were crossing the finish
hopping in trenches, holding on for dear life with a gun cocked in my clenched fist,
surely a sight. emotion: intense, instilling some fright yet almost a sense of delight

Same thing here, I really respect the effort and dedication you put into your lyrics to explain exactly the story, good stuff here.

Check my new post out if you have time
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...91#post8524791

[OG Maestro]

it was cold and wretched. war takes a toll on a man; makes him look old and decrepit
on your toes every second, never knowing when to depend on a soldiers defences.
many have fallen into a mode of depression with no control of their senses,
numbness consumes them till all their emotions unfold and are rendered defenseless

The intro on this was some good stuff man, gotta love the multi syllabic rhyming.

this was the same year i made my final decision to try my eyes at a sniper position
with a rifle i had stifling precision, could take out a guy within a mile of distance

Crisp rhythm right here. I'm loving this verse man.

And you have moments where you capitalize on the imagery which is wonderful storytelling moments.

tbh my hearts never raced in such a way where i thought it would expose it's self
felt like the valley of the shadow of death, (just with no god on the road to help)

I think the ending was subtle, I saw a scene but not much else. The story was great but it left me with nothing really but a brief enjoyment. I think, for what it's worth....this verse is near HOF potential. It's got the components but I believe the story needs a bit more depth. Maybe more inclusion of the troop you were with. Either way, I enjoyed this so much. You are definitely a great writer. Thanks for sharing this.

[Witty]

I came into this thread looking forward to reading your piece, and then I realised I already read it before last night lmao I read it again tho and it was very dope my friend, probably one of the best pieces I have read from you and you write at a consistently high level so props on this man, I think we have a lot of similarities in our writing, we focus on the same things, the flow, the multi's, and the story telling. You use very vivid imagery and you explain your ideas very well, some writers I come across are clearly very clever with great minds, but they struggle to fully communicate what they are trying to say, maybe because it is so complicated, but the most important part of writing, in my opinion, is communicating with an audience, sharing ideas and stories with the reader, and in order to do that you need to be able to ensure that other people fully understand what you are saying, and I feel like you do that well. This was super dope dude, and if this hasn't been nommed already (if so, shame on you RB) then I will be nomming it.

NOW WRITE FOR OUR COLLAB!!!

[Emily]

This is something else. The story told is so touching and heart felt.
Your rhymes, multis, internals, poetic vibes, were really good.
The wording is powerful and I like the flow.

Now, onto the imagery. FULL ON...for me. Lots of details added to the atmosphere of the
piece helping it become a really clear picture, imo.

'I was barely twenty the first time i met with my troops and leiutenent.
i remember his first 22 words, he told us " you're all fuckin useless, forget it.
i bet half of your asses wont last, you're all just too stupid; pathetic".
Started to laugh & ended up doing some pushups (been there fewer than seconds)
the men ive met were proven to be the best, extended from fort lewis to texas'

What a great Intro Narrator. The dialogue seemed streamline, without hiccups, flowing
like a river. Stunning.

My favourite line:

'this was the same year i made my final decision to try my eyes at a sniper position'

What a TOP LINE!!!! Absolutely LOVE IT.

'with a rifle i had stifling precision, could take out a guy within a mile of distance
but that was only in training, to be be perfectly honest i was anxious to kill a man
would i get a thrill from the act? or reveal the fact im just too human for that?
weeks later there was a sudden attack, me & two guys eating lunch in the back
unaware i left my gun in the camp, i started running, almost had a panic attack'

You talk us through this as if reading from a book. Easy to read, interesting content,
colourful wording, it's really great. Awesome rhymes, nice flow. Really good.

'I let off with persistence & didnt stop for an instant. seen him drop in the distance
blood splattered the ground, like how boston did after they were crossing the finish'

Wow, this gave me a jolt. Reading about the Boston bomb, made it even more real for me.

'writing letters to lovers as we hold in the cries, & hope that we might go home alive
condolences to the never knowing bride who buried her groom before the baby arrived'

Not only well written but I got all cut up about your thoughts
regarding shooting the enemy.

'unrelenting raw emotions broken down, focused & potently placed in these line
in time ill break down intimate ties between our military government & political bribes,
but for now all i can say is now matter HOW MANY IT TAKES!! these states are my family...

...and i kill for mine.'

I liked the way this went out. I think you have a typo on this second last line (but for now all I can say is NOW matter....Should be NO matter. No biggie, just saying.)
Nice ending for a piece like this. Those last few words, bullseye. ...'and I kill for mine.'

This is another top line I forgot to included...

'so i never feel bad about the terrorist pain or the fact I cant remember how many ive slain'

Those words, coupled with that amazing flow, beautiful.

I think this is an awesome piece of writing, shot from your heart, into my own.
I say this because I'm not knowledgeable regarding military situations and yet, you manage
to convey your thoughts to the every-day person, communicating everything in a way
that for me, is GOLD.

Great read.

[Narrator]

Thanks for all the feed guys, emily I will get back to your pm asap. Ive just been incredibly busy. Leave links and I will rtf as always