Killing Her Softly Ft. MsPush

[Truth Iscariot]

Killing Her Softly
By Truth & MsPush

Allow me to lure you in with honeyed words and well wishes
I guarantee you dear; you’ll fall for me before this song is finished
Your faith in man I will replenish, with music notes wrote in hopes
They would float into a lonely ones heart and ensnare them in my rope
Materialized from guitar strings and fickle dreams, easily felt as I strum
Lord please send me a lover before my last song is all but done
These birds just want bread crumbs, on his verses I'm dead sprung
His verbs are a curse and his words are like redrum.
Before my set ended I saw her there bashful as if I could see her soul
I thought my prayers answered, my open love has swallowed her whole
With each howl it was as if I could feel her heart melt again & again
Her heart was forfeit to a cordial predator; she stepped into the lion’s den
Inferred by his wisdom, or is it his passion with in
He's rapping my sins, and I’m sure, I'll endure the wrath of his pen.
Another Lash to the skin, or shot to the chest, every drop I'm impressed,
Just let his words play the foreground and stop all the rest//
She has passed the test; it’s clear she is a slave to my words
She’s the answer to prayers a found dream which I imagined deferred
I hope this isn’t an allusion and she was truly put in a trance by sounds heard
I'm losing my breath but the music continues,
The pain stabs like a pencil of shit that I've been thru
From my view I can see the hurt pulsing in her heart
I feel the connection as I piece together what some fiend tore apart
My Soul is My window but with him I can Truly vibe,
it's either he's killing me softly or this whole thing is a suicide
If I be the monster who sat and watch the old you stumble and die
Know that I plan to resurrect you with my song and make you my bride

[MsPush]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showpost.php?p=8510977

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showpost.php?p=8504494

[Truth Iscariot]

bump

[Truth Iscariot]

40 views and not even a single line of constructive crit.

[MsPush]

Lol let's feed back our own shit!! Lmao the way you opened it was the shit the middle was bomb, and the ending was flawless.. BOOM!

Go Us! Good Job Us!!

[graf-x]

then they got married and killed eachother???

jk lol.. nahh but for feed here you have it


the imagery was cool - could have used a few added adjectives.. the flow was sometimes off but most of it was cool

the message was cool - I liked how you both complimented each other after every so often

overall this was a good read

I felt this could have used more emotion / multis / & imagery --- but it is what it is..

as for vocabulary - I think you guys kept it simple which was the RIGHT thing to do for a piece like this..

1 part I really liked
Before my set ended I saw her there bashful as if I could see her soul
I thought my prayers answered, my open love has swallowed her whole
With each howl it was as if I could feel her heart melt again & again
Her heart was forfeit to a cordial predator; she stepped into the lion’s den
Inferred by his wisdom, or is it his passion with in
He's rapping my sins, and I’m sure, I'll endure the wrath of his pen.
Another Lash to the skin, or shot to the chest, every drop I'm impressed,
Just let his words play the foreground and stop all the rest//....


this section I liked it and would change nothing - and re-work around this & im sure you can get an even more felt piece

i'd collab with both on audio or topical - -- pm me

[Emily]

Nice work guys. You work well together.
I thought that back and forth thing you had going paid off.
I thought the emotion was alright.
I like the sentiments from both sides at play.

I think that this:

"Inferred by his wisdom, or is it his passion with in
He's rapping my sins, and I’m sure, I'll endure the wrath of his pen.
Another Lash to the skin, or shot to the chest, every drop I'm impressed,
Just let his words play the foreground and stop all the rest//" ...was awesome MsPush.

I would just get rid of those two little lines you have after your bars in that last line I quoted.
I know it's a music thing. I just don't think it's necessary for a written piece in this format.
But that "He's rapping my sins" bit ROCKS! Great wording there.

And this intro by Truth, is stunning...

"Allow me to lure you in with honeyed words and well wishes
I guarantee you dear; you’ll fall for me before this song is finished
Your faith in man I will replenish, with music notes wrote in hopes
They would float into a lonely ones heart and ensnare them in my rope
Materialized from guitar strings and fickle dreams, easily felt as I strum
Lord please send me a lover before my last song is all but done"

Yeah, you do have those honeyed words Truth.

And your rhymes are cool.

Nice collab guys.

Good work.

[Amen]

This was actually pretty dope. I can honestly say, I enjoyed the read.

Materialized from guitar strings and fickle dreams, easily felt as I strum
Lord please send me a lover before my last song is all but done
These birds just want bread crumbs, on his verses I'm dead sprung
His verbs are a curse and his words are like redrum.
Before my set ended I saw her there bashful as if I could see her soul
I thought my prayers answered, my open love has swallowed her whole
With each howl it was as if I could feel her heart melt again & again
Her heart was forfeit to a cordial predator; she stepped into the lion’s den
Inferred by his wisdom, or is it his passion with in
He's rapping my sins, and I’m sure, I'll endure the wrath of his pen.
Another Lash to the skin, or shot to the chest, every drop I'm impressed,
Just let his words play the foreground and stop all the rest//

Will have to say, was my favorite part of the piece. Lot's of dope visuals as well as can feel the emotion you guys painted with words. I would like too see more of a syllable scheme, tho. I feel if you guys incorporated more of a syllable rhyme pattern, this piece could have been a lot better, but I will not take away from it. I enjoyed it, good read, guys. Props.

[The Great Father]

You do too many collabs. I might have to ground you.

[PatricBernier]

Besides your obvious interest in rock music, I can relate these lyrics to a classic rock song. It has a lot of feelings and is orchestrated very well.
"Her heart was forfeit to a cordial predator; she stepped into the lion’s den
Inferred by his wisdom, or is it his passion with in"
I like the way you think and words you use, very good.
Check me out plz and thank you


http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...onspiracy-Shit