I got a story to tell part 1

[Wordz AhGod.]

Yoo son u lazy af! It's all good tho. I'll google it or something lol

boo Im dumb lazy yo.. nice of you to notice lmao

[Rilla]

What is internals?

Internal rhyming girl

[Wordz AhGod.]

aight so I'll try and keep this short (cos Im lazy). The intro didn't really real me in, I felt the flow was pretty basic so it didn't really captivate but the flow was on point syllable count-wise so it was an easy read. I know its an audio track write so I'll treat it as such. It starts off a tad bit too basic to the point were you aren't showing off your skills enough to keep me wanting to continue reading but once you get past the million/billion part your golden. I think you took too much time to describe this dude and not enough time for the back drop, in music you gotta also explain WHY this guy is important and how is he different from anybody else at the beginning, it has to be an even mix. Some writers don't even give their personas names so that the reader/listeners can relate to him/her better. I think you could have spent a bit more time representing HOW he became what he is.. your description doesn't really match the guy at all, you have to think like say a CSI psychologist or some shit when you profile some one.. he's quiet, doesn't bother nobody, doesn't hang out at all with his crew, when shit goes down he leaves, but for some reason they do work for him.. what work.. how is income made.. how did they meet.. why is he the boss.. why work for him if he doesn't even chill with them or leaves them behind when shit goes down..

When you think about these questions, you realize that most gang activity starts off like say a military.. with one guy taking charge by example, you completely skipped all the shit he had to do to get his status and made him sound like some lazy ass dude who just snitches on his people and runs when shit gets hot (has fall guys). I know this isn't the image you are going for but if im listening to or reading the lyrics, thats what I get.. not much of a run down and seeing as how this first verse is supposed to give me that.. I feel you can dive into it a bit more.

[MsPush]

Word. Noted. Thanx I never thought of it like that foreal part 2 will b better.

[Wordz AhGod.]

<-----doesn't even know wtf internal rhyming is smh..

[OG Maestro]

Lol @ this chat thread


Hi Push & Wordz, how yall doin

[PatricBernier]

You have talent. I like your ability to tell your story. whatever it may be , thats cool and a hard skill to learn.